An alternative way of perceiving the self and others. Understanding the self to initiate behavior change and increase effective communications An alternative way of perceiving the self and others. Dr Celia Banting

Sign Posts Who am I? Where do I come from? Why am I here? What makes us who we are? The Five parts of the Self Using the Five parts of the Self Keeping the Self safe Dr Celia Banting

What makes us who we are? Our genes Learning from others Dr Celia Banting

Psychological Messages and Decisions Children soak up non-verbal information, “Psychological Messages,” like a sponge, and they make subconscious “Decisions” about themselves and others… Good and Bad!!!! However, there’s one problem with this process and that is that children have immature brains and believe their assumptions about these psychological messages are the truth. It’s called Magical Thinking (Occurs during 2 – 7 years old) Dr Celia Banting

Transactional Analysis “Life Positions” I’m OK You’re OK You’re not OK I’m not OK Dr Celia Banting

Dr. Eric Berne’s 3 Ego State Theory P Parent Ego State; Behaviors, thoughts and feelings copied from parents or Parent figures A Adult Ego State; Behaviors, thoughts and feelings which are direct responses to the here and now C Child Ego State; Behaviors, thoughts and feeling replayed from childhood Dr Celia Banting

Adult Ego State; remains unchanged as unaffected by the past Ego State Breakdown Parent and Child ego states are replays of the past and are split into two components. P P Controlling Parent Nurturing Parent A Adult Ego State; remains unchanged as unaffected by the past C C Adapted Child Free Child Dr Celia Banting

Contaminations Parent contamination = Prejudice Child contamination = Delusions Dr Celia Banting

Exclusions P The Parent ego state is blocked out and therefore they haven’t developed a conscience and don’t care about anybody else This describes a sociopath “Its all about me” Dr Celia Banting

This describes a Psychopath Exclusions Coupled with a Child contamination. This describes a Psychopath “The voices in my head told me to do it” Dr Celia Banting

Piaget’s stages of cognitive development Sensory motor Stage Reflex based, hand eye coordinated learning 0 -2 years Pre-operational 2 -7 years Self Orientated, Egocentric Child still effected by own perceptions Logical reasoning can be applied to objects that are seen Concrete Operations 7 – 12 years Think abstractly, reason theoretically. Not all people reach this stage Formal Operations 12 years up Dr Celia Banting

The Five Parts of The Self Beginning at the bottom in developmental order – birth to seven years old. Dr Celia Banting

Pictures of Spontaneous Me Spontaneous Me in a positive way - you are being true to yourself and others; you’re being real. You are doing things that make you feel happy, excited and satisfying but things that won’t hurt you or anyone else. Dr Celia Banting

Spontaneous Me- Behaviors, tone of voice and words Behaviors Tone Words Happiness Cheerful Wow Sadness Sincere So sorry Fear Authentic I feel Anger Loud I’m furious Playing High pitched Awesome Dancing Giggling Woohoo All creativity Expressive Amazing Sport (+ and -) Cheering Go team!! Singing Heartfelt Verse True intimacy Gentle Darling Drugs/alcohol - Slurring Slang Dr Celia Banting

Pictures of Modified Me Our negative ‘Modified Me’ allows us to get what we want without caring about other people. We manipulate others and play ‘mind games’ to get what we want. It is damaging to other people, and although we may initially get what we want by using this part of ourselves, it will hurt us in the end. We won’t be liked and others will see us as being ‘unsafe,’ or hard work to be around.” Dr Celia Banting

Modified Me – Behaviors tone of voice and words Behaviors Tone Words Manners + Polite Please/thanks Conformity + Even Yes Sir Acting dumb - Harsh Do what now? Using sexuality - Seductive Well hello babe Arguing/stubborn - Belligerent Make me Sulking - Huffing/sighing Silent treatment Being dramatic - Loud / OTT I’m gonna die Kicking off - Aggressive All cuss words Acting out - Confrontational Gonna kill myself Rolling head/eyes - Sarcastic Whatever Manipulative - Whining But why? Histrionic - Wailing You don’t love me Dr Celia Banting

Drivers – Conditional worth Some children believe that they are only OK if they adhere strictly to their parents’ wishes. Be Perfect Driver Please Others Driver Try Hard Driver Be Strong Driver Dr Celia Banting

Injunctions – Psychological Messages assimilated during childhood Don’t Exist Don’t Be You Don’t Be a Child Don’t Grow Up Don’t Succeed Don’t Do Anything Don’t Be Important Don’t Belong Don’t Be Close Don’t Be Well/Sane Don’t Think Don’t Feel Depending upon the family dynamics during early childhood (2-7 yrs) in order to stay safe and get their needs met, children may subconsciously adopt some of these beliefs, which impact on the way they perceive the world and the decisions they make in later life. Dr Celia Banting

Pictures of Thinking Me The Thinking Me is like a computer inside your head. It allows you to make decisions based on facts, to be assertive and ask for what you want. It is based on the here and now reality. Dr Celia Banting

Thinking Me – Behaviors, tone of voice and words Behaviors Tone Words Teaching Slightly raised Please listen Sitting up straight Even What Chin up Clear When Not too rigid Informative Why Eye contact Expressive Where Nodding Precise How Purposeful Exact Specifically Reading Not giggling Precisely Concentrating Not yawning Exactly Thinking Serious Basically Listening Honest Essentially Absorbing information Not shouting Actually Dr Celia Banting

Pictures of Nurturing Me When the Nurturing Me is used in a positive way, it enables others to grow, to learn and become independent, but when it’s used in a negative way, it disables others and make them feel useless. Dr Celia Banting

Nurturing Me – Behaviors, tone of voice and words Behaviors Tone Words Safe hug + Caring How you doing? Patting back + Crooning There, there Comforting + Gentle It’s okay Praising + Encouraging Good job Modelling + Patient Try it this way High Five + Playful High Five Nursing + Reassuring You’re going to be okay Helping + Cautious Can I help you? Being kind + Soft Are you okay? Smother mother - Overbearing Let me do that for you Taking over - Dismissive You should do it this way Disempowering - Impatient Just do it this way Dr Celia Banting

Pictures of Controlling Me The positive Controlling Me is concerned with safety and keeping order, but the negative Controlling Me is damaging. It is critical, impatient, mean and spiteful. Dr Celia Banting

Controlling Me – Behaviors, Tone of voice and Words Behaviors Tone Words Controlling + Authoritative Stop, now! Open posture + Raised voice Don’t do that Pointing finger + Directive Should/shouldn’t Raising arm + Gain attention Listen up Herding + Urgent Hurry, there’s a fire Consequences + Stern Don’t do it again Balling fists - Threatening If you do that again… Berating others - Critical Name calling Gossiping - Spiteful Anything negative Being impatient - Irritable Cuss, Get moving Being angry - Aggressive I’ll take you down Belittling others - Demeaning Stupid idiot Dr Celia Banting

A Bar Chart of an emotionally healthy individual Amounts of positive energy in each of the Five Parts of the Self of a stable and emotionally healthy person CM NM TM MM SM Dr Celia Banting

T.A. rules of communications A Transaction is a verbal interaction When Transactions are “Parallel” the dialogue can go on indefinitely. When a Transaction is “crossed” communication stops and something different will happen. It can be good or bad. Dr Celia Banting

Examples of Parallel Transactions A DISCUSSION “What do you think about global warming?” “I’m not sure. I don’t know enough about it.” “The weather certainly seems extreme lately.” “Let’s Google it and find out more about it.” “Good idea. There seem to be a lot of natural disasters lately…” And on and on until they stop. AN ARGUMENT or GAME PLAYING “It’s your turn to put the trash out today.” “No it’s not. You’re always getting out of it.” “No I’m not. Mom said you had to do it.” “Well, I’m not going to. You can do it.” “That’s not fair.” (Whining) “Who cares!” And on and on until they stop. Dr Celia Banting

Examples of Parallel Transactions CONFRONTATION and PERSECUTION “John, be quiet or I’ll take your points!” “It wasn’t me talking.” “Don’t lie, I heard you.” “It wasn’t me.” (whining) “Right, that’s it, you’ve lost your points for lying.” “Well. F**k you!” And on and on until they stop. CARING and KINDNESS “How was your day today?” “Terrible, the car broke down and I had to walk.” “Oh dear, did you have to walk far.” “Miles, and I ended up with blisters.” “Let me run a nice bubble bath for you.” “Thanks, honey.” And on and on until they stop. Dr Celia Banting

Examples of Crossed Transactions Each Transaction is an invitation to respond from the part directed to, but if the person choses to respond from a different part, things change. CM invites MM to respond “Didn’t I just tell you to clean up your room?” “F**k off and leave me alone.” Responds from an alternative Part of the Self TM invites TM to respond “I’m just coming. I need the bathroom first though.” (Avoiding confrontation) TM invites TM to respond “How was your day? Did you get all your points?” “It was fine. I think I only lost a couple of points.” Responds from an alternative Part of the Self MM invites CM to respond “What’s it to you? You’re only here for a pay check.” (Inviting staff into confrontation) Dr Celia Banting

Examples of Crossed Transactions Each Transaction is an invitation to respond from the part directed to, but if the person choses to respond from a different part, things change. SM invites NM to respond “My shoulders ache. I need a massage, babe.” “Okay, honey, let me get your favorite oil.” Responds from an alternative Part of the Self TM invites TM to respond “I’m sorry, I can’t right now, I’m cooking dinner.” (In the here and now, explaining why she can’t. She invites him to understand, so avoiding conflict) CM invites MM to respond (Confrontation) “Didn’t I insist that you had that file ready for me?” “I’ve been trying my best.” (Whining) Responds from an alternative Part of the Self CM invites MM to respond. This is a Power Play!!! “Didn’t I tell you that we needed more time?” (Eventually they will argue…MM to MM – Parallel T. Dr Celia Banting

Keeping the Self safe Be your own supervisor Stay with one foot in your Thinking Me always When someone crosses your Transaction, physically take a step backwards which will give you a moment to remind yourself to operate from your Thinking Me. Encourage the “prisoners” to understand the Five Parts of the Self and when they act out, ask them what part of the Self they are using. You then invite them to shift into their Thinking Me. Dr Celia Banting

Identifying those at high risk of attempting suicide (my PhD research) Risk Factors Times more likely to attempt suicide History of family suicide 12.26 Expresses, “Wish never born” 1.9 ‘Don’t Exist Injunction’ 6.2 ‘Don’t Belong Injunction’ 2.9 ‘Don’t Think Injunction’ 3.2 Not close to grandparents 1.8 Dr Celia Banting

Statistically significant issues for those incarcerated Parents not together 0-6 yrs Has a Don’t Feel Injunction Don’t know fathers Has a Don’t Succeed Injunction Not close to mother Has a Be Perfect Injunction Has family history of jail Not close to father Has a stepfather Negative attitude Religion not important External Locus of Control Impulsive Lacks trust Does not see a + future Others are Not OK So how to help? Dr Celia Banting

What helped me can help anyone Share the tools to enable anyone, young and old, to learn how to help themselves, to be the best they can be and let them throw away the mask they have had to hide behind. Teach the Five Parts of the Self and watch them SUCCEED Dr Celia Banting

Case Studies Frankie: He is the son of a military man, mother constantly ill. Frankie is very anxious, serious, and seems a lot older than fifteen. He is very depressed and wants to die. In groups he gives lots of feedback to his peers but doesn’t hear their replies. Identify possible Drivers and Injunctions (to help you understand his perception of his world and his Life Position) Identify which Parts of the Self he’s using during the day (to identify any Exclusions or Contaminations) Observe when he crosses Transactions and ask yourself why (what’s he avoiding?) How to help him Initial task is always to help client access his Thinking Me, to help him learn, question his thinking and behaviors, and to make changes. Dr Celia Banting

How to help her? (The Golden Purse at www.wighitapress.com sample Two) Case Studies Cassie: She is the eldest of seven children and doesn’t know her father. She is failing at school, running away from home, and having unprotected sex with older men. She is rude and disrespectful and frequently gets into fights. Identify possible Drivers and Injunctions (to help you understand her perception of her world and her Life Position) Identify which Parts of the Self she’s using during the day (to identify any Exclusions or Contaminations) Observe when she crosses Transactions and ask yourself why (what’s she avoiding?) How to help her? (The Golden Purse at www.wighitapress.com sample Two) Initial task is always to help clients access their Thinking Me to help them learn, question their thinking and behaviors, and to make changes. Dr Celia Banting

Case Studies Will: Will’s father and older brother are in prison and he is involved in gang activities. He was excluded from mainstream school and is in Alternative Learning, but constantly fights with peers from opposing gangs. He sells and uses drugs, and hates authority. Identify possible Drivers and Injunctions (to help you understand his perception of his world and his Life Position) Identify which Parts of the Self he’s using during the day (to identify any Exclusions or Contaminations) Observe when he crosses Transactions and ask yourself why (what’s he avoiding?) How to help him Initial task is always to help client access his Thinking Me to help him learn, question his thinking and behaviors, and to make changes. Dr Celia Banting