Friendship, Peer Pressure and Bullying

Peer Relations over the Years William Damon (1977; 1983) proposed that children’s friendships develop in stages. These stages become more sophisticated as children grow up: Level 1: Friendship as a ‘handy playmate’ (4–7 years) Level 2: Friendship as mutual trust and assistance (8–10 years) Level 3: Friendship as intimacy and loyalty (11–15 years +)

Development of Peer Relationships 5-6 year olds: Children focus on their own needs and wants. Friendship is here and now. Friendship means a playmate.  7, 8 and 9 year olds- These children realize that friendship is a relationship and it has to do with liking the personality of another 10-11 year olds- Friends become “soul- mates”, and confidants. They rely on each other and expect loyalty. These children form strong ties and gravitate more toward friends than family.

Helping Your Child Develop Friendships Provide opportunities for social interaction Model friendship Set clear rules for appropriate behavior Teach and encourage problem solving techniques Help your child develop empathy Encourage our child to provide support and appreciation for others

Supporting a Shy or Reticent Child Relax Model Observe Practice (role play) “What if” and “As if” Find activities your child enjoys Arranged structured get togethers Seek help Avoid labeling to your child or about your child

Peer Pressure Important experience for children Can be positive or negative Prohibitions backfire Experimentation is common You are important Listen Set clear expectations Point out CHOICE Encourage positive peers Express faith in your child Be involved with your child

Teasing and Bullying There is a difference It is expected that all children experience teasing Children can handle teasing on their own when they know what to do Teasing can turn into bullying but doesn’t usually Children need help with handling bullying.

Bullying vs. Teasing vs. Negative Behavior Intent Frequency Result

Kelso’s Choices It's Your Choice

Simon’s Hook Grandma Rose's Neighborhood

What is a Bully?

Bully: a person who repeatedly and intentionally strives to make others feel valueless and insecure. bullies want power over others bullies want control over their victim bullies feel little or no empathy bullies will use and abuse other people to get what they want bullies need an audience, they want attention bullies might be bullied themselves and not realize what they are doing is wrong bullies know that bullying works many bullies are jealous of others many bullies are angry many bullies have family problems many bullies lack social skills bullying is a learned behavior

Who is a victim?

Victim: a person who is being bullied by being exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more persons victims are insecure victims are anxious victims are cautious victims suffer from low self-esteem victims rarely defend themselves victims may lack social skills victims are often socially isolated victims are often different in some way victims tend to be physically weaker than their peers victims may have parents who can be described as overprotective victims don’t pick up on social cues ANYONE can become a victim!!!

How can this go on? Observers often do little to help the victim Victims and observers are afraid to tell Telling is brushed off as tattling Adults believe it is part of growing up “Kids will be kids”

Bullying facts and statistics: 25% of people report being bullied Most bullying is verbal Begins in elementary school Peaks in middle school Continues in high school Occurs where there is little supervision 7% of America’s eighth graders stay at home at least 1 day a month because of bullying

So what are we doing? creating a zero-tolerance policy for bullying providing training for teachers, staff , students and parents in how to differentiate between teasing and bullying Providing guidance lessons, small groups, and individual assistance to students, in the areas of conflict resolution, anger management, friendship skills, assertiveness skills and self-esteem Educating students on how to handle teasing and get help for bullying

What can parents do? Be aware of signs and symptoms of bullying teach children about peer pressure help children practice safe strategies and assertive statements get other parents together keep a record of all incidents teach children how to manage their anger teach about empathy (walking in someone’s shoes) make sure children understand and can express emotions appropriately

What can we teach our children to do about bullies? avoid bullies act confident look confident be observant tell a friend tell an adult be assertive stay calm keep a safe distance walk away say “stop it!” say “leave me alone” say “whatever” use humor use “I” messages travel in a group join a group If you are in danger, RUN!

What can we teach our children about controlling their anger? Learn to recognize the signs that you are about to “pop” Stop and Think! Walk away take 5 deep breaths count to 10 slowly relax and imagine you are in a peaceful place Use extra energy by exercise or activity punch a pillow scream into a pillow pound play dough rip newspapers talk to yourself to calm down talk out the problem

We CAN stop bullying... if we ALL work together!!