Do Well by Doing Good without Getting Done Wrong  Leadership, Negotiation, and Communication

The University of Texas Project on Conflict Resolution Madeline Maxwell, PhD Professor of Communication Studies Faculty Director, UTPCR

Leaders use negotiation to avoid wasteful conflicts and make the most of conflicts they do have Piece o’ cake – right?

Definition of conflict Conflict is a struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, and interference from others in achieving their goals. (Wilmot & Hocker, 2001)

Incompatible goals I need you to work Saturday. I need to be off Saturday Incompatible goals

I’m trying to sleep and can’t when your music is loud. You can call the police and complain about the noise level. I could get a ticket or in trouble with my landlord, but I need to practice for a gig. Interference

Interdependent parties I need you to trim your yard so I can sell my house for top dollar. I don’t want you to sell to a ‘stealth dorm’ that will rent to 8 students who all have cars. Interdependent parties

We encounter conflict ...as we compete for * acceptance, * recognition, * position, * power, * meeting goals

Important Assumptions * Conflict is inevitable * All parties tend to believe their opinion is fact * Each party sees him or herself as an innocent victim * Conflict is neither bad nor good inherently * Conflict can help to clarify goals and help people to understand each other

Popular ideas for resolution Focus on interests and & values behind the positions people reveal. Identify the interests and ask why they matter. Clarify them Try to figure out which are surface and which are fundamental   Separate the people from the problem. Try to disentangle the relationship from the substance. *You need to work on both levels: the problem and the relationship Be unfailingly optimistic. Tell them you are confident of a mutually satisfying deal, or tell them you will pay the bill. *Take the lead but don’t play the lord.  Adapted and *changed from Fisher and Ury’s 2012 edition of “Getting to Yes.”

Popular ideas for resolution   Invent new options for mutual gain. Seek new options and new combinations It’s ok if they win, too. Insist on using objective criteria. *Credit emotions as important. Help them recognize them in order to create more viable options. *Don’t forget how things will look to a third party. What will seem fair to both of you and potential observers?  *Know whether you’re still in Kansas. Different things are acceptable in context. Know the culture you’re in. Adapted from Fishher and Ury’s 2012 edition of “Getting to Yes.”

Popular ideas for resolution   Take the long view. Use the logic of baseball: should you sacrifice to advance the ball if you can win the game? Remember to think about how they will address this issue after leaving the consultation. Can they clearly communicate the plan and goals outlined? Are they prepared to commit to the plan? (You should already know they have the authority and the ability to follow through.)  Adapted from Fishher and Ury’s 2012 edition of “Getting to Yes.”

You’ll see these common conflict management style(s) Competing Compromising Collaborating Avoiding Accommodating e.g., Kilmann, 2009

Five Styles for Conflict Competitive - I do what I have to do to get what I want Collaborative - Mutual respect for each other and working together to resolve the problem Compromise - Each of us give up something to get something Avoidance - Maybe the other person, or the problem will go away Accommodation - Differences are minimized so that harmony is maintained

What affects choices?

Is this a great group? COMPETER AVOIDER ACCOMMODATOR COLLABORATOR COMPROMISER AVOIDER ACCOMMODATOR

How about this one? COMPETER COMPROMISER AVOIDER

Do you want to be at this meeting? A: “What do you want to do?” B: “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” A: “Well, maybe we could start with the directions and then meet each other halfway.” B: “That will take forever. Let’s just each say what we want.”

Communication Plus Please explain what that means to you. Paraphrase – “What I’m hearing you say is_____. Have I got that right?” I sense that there is some confusion (anger, frustration, etc…). Is there something we should discuss? Have we missed anything? …and your most commonly used word is _______?

The 3 C’s of Collaborative Meetings & Negotiation Active Participation CONSIDERATE CURIOUS Ask Questions for Clarification CONSTRUCTIVE Disagree Constructively

Zone of effective conflict Constructive Destructive Artificial Meanness Violence Peace Zone of effective conflict Wilmot & Hocker, 2010, p. 207

Listen, paraphrase, clarify, negotiate

Listen for Emotions, Process, Identity, Cosmic meaning- values Listen, Paraphrase, Clarify, Negotiate Listen for Emotions, Process, Identity, Cosmic meaning- values

Listen, Paraphrase, Clarify, Negotiate Paraphrase Restate main point with emotion, manner, identity, value attached until accepted as understood

Clarify Emotions, Process, Identity, Cosmic meaning- values Listen, Paraphrase, Clarify, Negotiate Clarify Emotions, Process, Identity, Cosmic meaning- values

Listen, Paraphrase, Clarify, Negotiate Negotiate Make your needs clear, Look for mutual gain, Show concern for other’s needs, Show flexibility on MEANS

Listen, paraphrase, clarify, negotiate It takes effort. Listen, paraphrase, clarify, negotiate

The 3 C’s of Collaboration CONSIDERATE Active Participation CURIOUS Ask Questions for Clarification DISAGREE Disagree Constructively