お菊の皿 （Okiku’s Plates）

Let me tell you the story of Okiku’s plates. It’s an old one.

In a place called bancho, in the town Koji, there was the residence of a samurai named Aoyama Tessan. He had a servant girl named Kiku, who was of unmatched beauty.

Aoyama Tessan fell in love with Kiku Aoyama Tessan fell in love with Kiku. Every single night he approached her, but she did not pay attention to him. You see, Kiku had a fiancé named Sanpei.

And what happened next is like the old saying, The greatest hate springs from the greatest love: Tessan had a basket with a set of 10 blue plates. He secretly removed one plate before telling Kiku: Put this set of 10 plates carefully in the storage room.

Later, Tessan approaches Kiku Kiku, I counted the plates, but there is one missing. You stole a plate, didn’t you! No! I don’t know anything about this. You must have broken one! No! I swear I don’t know anything about it!

Every day he blamed her for this missing plate, until one day she threw herself down the well and drowned.

Every night thereafter, Kiku’s ghost rose out of the well. There she counted plates, One, Two, Three… all the way to nine, whereupon she descended sadly back down into the well. Because of Kiku’s ghost, Tessan slowly went mad and finally committed suicide.

Of course the story is true Of course the story is true. They say that she still comes out even now She still comes out? Have you seen her? Well I haven’t, but people say she counts plates up to 9, but if you listen all the way up to 9, you will die.

How horrible! That means that if you listen up to 6 for example, you can go home and nothing will happen, right? Well, that is the logic, but… Well you know, seeing a ghost of a beautiful girl would really be something!

But what if you die? It’s no problem, you just run home at plate number 6!

Late one night, the young man brought his group of friends to see the ghost. This is how it went…

Hey. hey guys. this is pretty creepy don’t you think Hey. . . hey guys . . . this is pretty creepy don’t you think? Maybe we should go home . . . What are you talking about? We came to see Kiku’s ghost, right? You’re coming too.

But if you listen until 9, I mean, you could die… it’s a ghost But if you listen until 9, I mean, you could die… it’s a ghost! It’s not a good idea! What are you talking about? We’ll just leave after 6, so don’t worry.

Well, it would be ok if Kiku’s ghost was a nice ghost, but… what if she counts Four plates…Five plates…Six plates… and then just when you think you’re going to run, she counts up to nine super fast?!?! Don’t worry so much, there’s no way she’s such a nasty ghost. Hey look – that fence is all broken down… we can get in through there!

When they got in, in the middle of the garden was something that looked like a well. Hey look! There’s a well over there! That’s where the ghost must come out! Let’s all wait here!

Then from out of nowhere came the low drone of a temple bell. And then, from the 4 corners of the well, white-blue flames flitted up, and Kiku’s ghost rose out of the well.

Curses on you, lord Tessan… She came out, look!

Waaaaaah! She’s so pretty!

One plate . . . two plates . . . Hey hey, she’s counting! We have to run at six! . . . three plates . . . four plates . . . five plates . . . six plates . . . RRRrruuUUUUUUUNNNNNN!

Is everyone here. Oh, that scared me witless. Oh my god Is everyone here?!?! Oh, that scared me witless! Oh my god! Let’s do it again tomorrow!

Day after day, the number of people going to see the ghost increased. Ok ok, this way, this way. She doesn’t appear unless the bell rings. Here, until then, why don’t you have a drink.

So it’s your first time. Yeah, she’s so beautiful So it’s your first time? Yeah, she’s so beautiful! When she comes out, she’s so elegant that you almost want to marry her. Even if you married her, you could only meet her at night, huh?

But you know, Kiku’s getting a bit chubby But you know, Kiku’s getting a bit chubby. Everyone brings her snacks, and I think she feels like she needs to eat it all, you know? Oh, that’s the bell! She’s coming out soon.

From the 4 corners of the well, white-blue flames flitted up, and Kiku’s ghost rose out of the well. Curses on you, lord Tessan…

Hey. We were waiting for you Kiku. Haaiiii. Oh, thanks for coming Hey! We were waiting for you Kiku! Haaiiii! Oh, thanks for coming! Pile it on!

Oh, and thanks for the refreshments the other day. They were delicious Oh, and thanks for the refreshments the other day! They were delicious! Ok then, I will begin counting now. One-pl*cough* *cough* . . . One-*cough* *cough* Hey, Kiku! What’s wrong? Did you catch a cold? That’s not good! You know, there’s a nasty cold going around! You should really get some sleep tonight. Oh really? Ok, then I’ll just be going now.

There was also a businessman who heard about the ghost, and realized it could be a profitable business venture. He got permission from the authorities, and was allowed 10 days for construction work. Lots of shops and restaurants sprang up around that area in Koji town.

Wow, it’s so lively now that we’ve all come. Huh Wow, it’s so lively now that we’ve all come! Huh? They have Kiku steamed buns? Oh! and Kiku crackers? That’s great, huh? adding Kiku’s name. The cracker bag says there are 10, but actually when you open it up, there are only 9!

Welcome, welcome! Let me see, you are the one’s with the reservation, yes? Hey! Can we get 2 bentos, and 4 sakes? But you know, Kiku’s act is getting a little repetitious. She has to surprise all of these people right? That’s getting tough.

CURSES ON YOU, LORD TESSAN!!!!! Yeah, that’s pretty corny. One plaaate…. TWO plaaates… Three plaaates… Come on, just count it normally!

Nine plaaates! We’re all going to die!!!

Ten plates… Eleven plates… Twelve plates… She’s up to twelve plates! . . . Huh? Twelve plates? 13 plates… 14 plates! 15 plates, 16 plates … 17 plates, 18 plates!

. . . No more plates.

Hey, wait. What do you mean no more plates Hey, wait! What do you mean no more plates? The Kiku plate story says you only count up to nine plates. Why did you just count up double the amount?

Tomorrow is my day off.

The End