Fall 2015 Parent Training Social Skills, rewards and consequences Stephanie Hightower shightower@ldisd.net Elyse Pennington epennington@ldisd.net Rebecca Gieri rgieri@ldisd.net

Social Skills at home… where do we start? Think about the things you value in your family. Manners Everyone has a voice (family meetings) Family time Chores Family outings You set the expectation and practice the skills.

Practice, Practice, practice !!! Skill of the week Pick the skill Practice the skill as a family Catch them doing the skill without asking = reward  Make a chart of skill working on and have everyone put a sticky note up on the chart when the skill is practiced outside of the home. Hang the chart in the family room.

Examples! Skill of the week: Manners! Sunday night: Talk about manners that expected from each family member: yes ma’am, no sir, please and thank you! Work on skill all week. Family meeting Wednesday night to hang post its and discuss progress/ problems. Saturday: family reward day Movies, park picnic, family dinner Remember social skills at home are to make the whole family better! Everyone has to buy in for it to work! Kids will care when they KNOW how much we care! #relationships (love and logic) MAKE IT FUN! “If I believe I am capable, I will try harder” - kids

Executive functioning skills Skills we work on in class: Response inhibition- thinking before we act Working memory- hold information in memory while performing task Emotional control- manage emotions Flexibility- revise plans in the face of obstacles, setbacks, new information or mistakes Sustained attention- keep paying attention

Executive skills required for common daily tasks! School performance Completing college application Handling a busy schedule Money management Driving Finding a job Holding a job Not engaging in risky behavior

Executive skills at home! Identify their executive weaknesses I can help! I have an assessment I can give them * Make a plan for how we will work on our weaknesses! Identifying your parenting style I can help with that too! I have an assessment Knowing your style can better help you understand how to help your child.

When we all work on it together… We all have strengths and weaknesses. Work on them together at home. My strength can be your weakness and I can teach you my skills. You can use skill of the week strategies for executive skill of the week! *Don’t compare *Don’t point out flaws *Don’t point out weaknesses in anger or revenge. * Smart but scattered teens- Guare, Dawson and Guare. We can all contribute! We all need work in some areas!

Rewards and Consequences Love and logic strategies. Setting limits, natural consequences and rewarding.

Love and Logic “Inside, every kid is screaming, love me enough to set limits.” – Jim Fay “Fear not, Many great kids were raised by imperfect parents.” 2 rules of Love and Logic: 1. adults set limits without anger, lectures, threats or repeated warnings. 2. When children cause problems, adults hand these problems back in loving ways. Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows them to learn from the consequences of their choices.

The consequence can be stated immediately but set for a different date Setting limits: Cell phone limits? Curfew limits? Technology limits? Home limits and expectations? Make a contract, all sign the contract, when/ if contract is broken = immediate consequences. The consequence can be stated immediately but set for a different date . Example: Did not get off cell phone at 9PM like contract states on Monday night, no football game on Friday.

Consequences It’s ok to say, “I am too upset to talk, I will come find you in 15 minutes or tomorrow and I will let you know your consequence.” Never give consequences when angry, your kid chose the behavior do not let them control your emotions. Hand the behavior back to them, you did this and this happened, what can you do next time for a different outcome. Having them problem solve their own behaviors is a great life skill to have.

Rewards  Earned!!! It’s ok if they go weeks or months and do not earn rewards We may not see the gains today, but the hard work of setting limits and teaching responsibility will pay off. Truth: my child needs to experience some frustration and struggle to get stronger.- love and logic (facebook)

Ideas! PDF: Phone down Friday!- for everyone Complex skill of the day: Time with you means so much, I am putting my phone down today. Complex skill of the day: Put device down Look at young person Smile at young person Repeat often “ I charge $2 per minute for listening to brothers and sister fight!” Start the timer We learn better from our mistakes when we admit them. # takeresponsibility Want to be heard? Say it with love Shared control- Brush teeth first or bath? “ I will allow screen time today when you finish your chores and I get some same seeing your wonderful face” Kids learn better from the E’s- Example and Experience Love and Logic Institute, Inc (facebook site)