Positive Solutions for Families Session 3 Facing the Challenge

What’s Happening Today? Share your Things to Try at Home results. Discuss specific strategies that you can use with your child every day! Discuss strategies to deal with challenging behavior that continues even though you are using all of the parenting practices discussed in earlier sessions.

Measuring Behavior at Home Workbook Activity #5 What behaviors did you observe? Did the behavior look the same across observations, or were there changes? Were you able to figure out “why they do what they do”? Did you try to teach your child a new skill? How did all this make you feel?

Know What is Reasonable It is important to know your child’s abilities and limitations. Expecting too much or too little can lead to frustration for you and your child. Try to keep your expectations realistic!

Use Logical Consequences Workbook Handout #16 Logical consequences are an alternative to punishment. Logical consequences must be practical and enforced. Choices should be stated calmly, clearly, and respectfully. Logical consequences help guide children in learning how they are expected to behave in the real world. Child throws block at sister Parent takes block away A brother and sister are fighting Parent sends them to play in separate rooms 5 5

Plan Ahead Try to anticipate what your child may do or may need in various situations. Plan ahead to set your child up for a successful experience. Hope for the best, but always have a backup plan! Plan ahead!

Present Limited, Reasonable Choices Most children are not born with a built-in ability to make decisions and then to accept the consequences. Learning to take responsibility for actions requires lots of support and practice! A good way to help your child develop these skills is to offer limited, reasonable choices throughout the day. Practice!

Can You Offer a Choice? Dressing Bathing Dinner Outside play TV Riding in car Shopping Cleaning up toys Going to bed Eating at a fast food restaurant Snack time Playing with siblings Reading a story

Limited and Reasonable? French fries, mashed potatoes, or tater tots? What do you want to wear today? Do you want a spanking or to play nicely? Stay up for 30 minutes or go to bed? Red shirt or blue shirt? Sit on couch or in bean bag? Play Legos or puzzles?

Say “First” “First you put on your shoes. Then you can go outside.” This is a contingency statement (First-Then). A “first-then” statement is a simple instruction that tells your child what to do in order to do something that he/she wants to do. “First you pick up your toys, then you can have a snack.” “First you finish getting dressed, then you can play outside.”

Redirection Providing guidance to children when they are misbehaving, redirecting children as a prevention strategy Interrupting a challenging behavior and redirecting a child to another activity using either physical or verbal redirection

Physical Redirection A physical redirection interrupts the child’s challenging behavior and re-engages the child in a more appropriate activity. Example: A child is playing in the sink and splashing water all over the bathroom. The parent might choose to physically move the child away from the sink and over to toys in the child’s room. The parent then sits down on the floor near the toys and begins to play in a way that is inviting to the child.

Verbal Redirection A verbal redirection distracts the child and provides an alternative activity. Example: A child might be trying to gain the attention of a parent who is on the telephone with an important call. Another adult might then say to the child something like, “Hey, let’s go up stairs, and read some of your new library books.” Example: A child is upset and throws a temper tantrum because he/she was asked to turn off the television. The parent redirects the child by saying, “Wow, it is beautiful outside. I feel like going to the park to play.”

Redirection for Teaching Redirection can also be used to prompt a child to use an appropriate skill. Example: A child begins to have a tantrum because he is frustrated with putting a toy together. The parent says to the child, “Evan, you can say, ‘Help please.’” Evan says, “Help please,” and the parent then puts the toy together. Example: A toddler begins to fuss while sitting in her highchair after finishing dinner. The parent says, “Olivia, you can say, ‘All done’” (using the sign for all done while speaking). Olivia signs, “All done,” and the parent helps her get down from her high chair.

Catch Your Child Being Good! Give specific, positive attention to your child for the behavior that you want to see, and teach your child what to do! “Wow! You are being so careful keeping all the pieces on the table!”

Stay Calm When a child’s behavior is challenging, you can either respond to it or ignore it. If reaction is necessary, remember that less is usually best.

Use Neutral Time “Neutral” time is a time when your child is calm, and you are calm; it is a great time to teach your child what to do! Workbook Handout #17, Strategies That Help, lists all of the strategies we have reviewed during this session.

Challenging Behavior What is the child’s behavior “saying”? What is the child trying to tell us?

Angelo Angelo is playing with his blocks while Mom cooks dinner. Mom says, “Angelo, dinner is ready. Come to the table.” Angelo comes to the table and after a few minutes, gets up, grabs his sandwich and goes over to play with his blocks. Mom said, “Angelo, come back to the table.” Angelo comes to the table to drink some juice and then leaves again. Mom tells Angelo, again, to come back to the table. Angelo throws his sandwich, then falls on the floor kicking and screaming!

Challenging Behavior Works! Remember! Children engage in challenging behavior because it works for them!

Remember to Be a Detective! Figure out the meaning of your child’s behavior! What is your child trying to tell you?

What happened before the behavior What the child did Examine the Situation Clues to figure out the meaning of behavior can be found in 3 things: What happened before the behavior What the child did What happened after the behavior

Angelo Angelo’s mother tells him that it is time for dinner. She begins to guide him to sit in his chair. He falls on the floor, begins kicking and screaming, and shouts, “No!” His mother tells him to “stop” and tries to pick him up. He kicks her, and she sends him to his room.

Angelo Before Angelo’s mother tells him that it is time for dinner. She begins to guide him to sit in his chair. He falls on the floor, begins kicking and screaming, and shouts, “No!” His mother tells him to “stop” and tries to pick him up. He kicks her, and she sends him to his room.

The Behavior Angelo Angelo’s mother tells him that it is time for dinner. She begins to guide him to sit in his chair. He falls on the floor, begins kicking and screaming, and shouts, “No!” His mother tells him to “stop” and tries to pick him up. He kicks her, and she sends him to his room.

Angelo What Happened After Angelo’s mother tells him that it is time for dinner. She begins to guide him to sit in his chair. He falls on the floor, begins kicking and screaming, and shouts, “No!” His mother tells him to “stop” and tries to pick him up. He kicks her, and she sends him to his room. What Happened After

Behavior Can Mean Many Things! “I want you to pay attention to me.” “I want that (toy, food, paint, etc.).” “I want to play with you.” “I don’t want to stop what I am doing.” “I don’t want to clean up!”

Developing a Plan Three Essential Parts: Use prevention strategies to try to keep challenging behavior from happening. Teach your child new ways to communicate or new skills for participating in routines or expectations. Make sure your child’s challenging behavior won’t work for him/her.

Prevention Try to minimize the possibility that your child will have challenging behavior! Simplify the task. Explain what will come. Make your child comfortable. Use a job chart. Show a picture. Reduce distractions. Offer help. Prepare the activity ahead of time. Make the activity fun!

New Skills Ask for a turn. Ask for an object. Ask for an activity. Ask for help. Ask for a hug. Ask to leave. Say, “No.” Say, “I don’t want to.” Make a choice. Follow a schedule.

When We Can’t Honor the Meaning of the Behavior Child says… You… “I don’t want to” when you want him/her to brush his/her teeth. Teach him/her the new skills of following a schedule or using a job chart. “All done” when sitting at dinner table. Say “One more bite, then all done.”

New Responses! Make sure your plan includes new ways for you to respond to your child’s challenging behavior. Example: “You need to sit in your car seat, but you can hold your bear or hold your blankie.”

New Responses Redirect to use new skill, and then let child have what he/she wants or out of what he/she doesn’t want. Hold your ground, but give the child a choice. Tell child “I know you are ___ (sad, angry, mad), but you have to _____”. Hold your ground, and state exactly what you want your child to do in a calm tone of voice.

Family Routine Guide Getting Dressed/Undressed Brushing Teeth/Hair Meals/Snacks Play Outside Play Clean-up Riding in the Car Shopping Restaurants Going to the Doctor Taking Medicine Taking a Bath Bathroom Time When Parents Can’t Play Transitions

Using the Family Routine Guide Routine or activity during which your child has challenging behavior. Why your child might have challenging behavior during this routine. What do you think your child is trying to tell you? What can you do to try to prevent the challenging behavior? What do you do if the challenging behavior occurs? Is there a new skill your child can learn to replace the challenging behavior?

You Try It! Workbook Activity #18 & 19 Reflect on goals from Session 1 Get in pairs Select some strategies that might help your child in a routine Use your Activity # 18 Family Planning Sheet to write down ideas Select 3 strategies you would like to try that you have not already tried. Write these on Activity #19.

Solutions for Families You Did It!