Transforming Parent-Child Communication from Confrontational to Collaborative Presented by Kathleen A. Matchunis, B.A., M.S. Certified Professional Coach

Collaboration Collaboration may take more time, but brings lasting results.

Goals of Parenting We want our kids to feel: Loved Safe Capable

Are you an interrogator? Give your child a chance to decompress Ask your child open-ended questions

Engaging kids in collaborative discussions

Open-ended questions What do you think about ___________? How do you feel about ___________? Why do you think that _______ reacted that way? How was lunch (or recess) today?

Ideas for Questions Ask other parents Consider buying conversation cards “Table Topics” or “Food for Thought”

Family Meetings Don’t call it a family meeting Discuss fun topics as well as serious ones Let each family member take a turn at being a leader Create rules and consequences together

Enforce the Rules This is what we decided Walk away and do not engage or argue

Discussing Academic Progress What do you think about your progress or grades? What do you think that you can do about the grades you are not happy with? Do you think that it would work if you _____________? What are you willing to do to improve your grades? How can I support or help you with this goal?

You Have veto Power Your priority is keeping your child safe Teens do not have the brain development to predict consequences Some kids need more guidance and support than others Veto ideas that don’t make sense or are dangerous

ThoughtS to Avoid My child is ________ years old and should be able to do this on his/her own. When I was ______ years old, I was able to ___________

Collaborating will not always go smoothly Very few approaches work all the time There will be tears and meltdowns Stay the course

What is at Stake? Lack of communication skills Lack of respect for authority “The rules don’t apply to me” attitude Legal problems

Coaching Connect and communicate in a more positive way Use of role-playing Connecting communication skills to success in later life Connecting empowerment to independence

Coaching Present Options Provide Accountability with an action plan Provide Feedback

Coaching Feedback Email Summary Action Plan

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