Introduction to Interpersonal Communication Dr. Michael I. Arrington COM 252 University of Kentucky

What is communication? What do you think communication is? How would you define it? Take a few moments to write write down some thoughts…

Communication Communication is defined as the interchange of thoughts or opinions through shared symbols; e.g. language, words, phrases Some synonyms of the word communication are: message, directive, word, contact, commerce, communion, intercommunication, intercourse; converse, exchange, interchange, conversing, discussing, talking; conversation, discussion, talk, advice, intelligence, news, tidings

Shared symbols Sometimes when we communicate we assume we are using shared symbols when we might not be. Think about the term “asap”, “as soon as possible”. What does it really mean? Think about how the meaning might change in the situations on the next slide…

Shared symbols How might the meaning of “asap” change in these situations?… My wife asks me to take out the trash asap; but UK is playing Louisville on TV. My coworker asks for help with an article she is writing. She needs help asap; but I have another job to finish before lunch. My boss, whom I like to please, asks me to talk with a job applicant, but I already have a stack of other jobs to finish.

Shared symbols In the previous examples, we’ve seen the meaning of “asap” change from “in a few days” to “immediately”. Many other words and phrases are also vague and have different meanings for different people. Shared symbols are not always completely shared. The message intended is not always the message received.

Principle of Communication Stimulates meaning in the mind of the other Both verbal and nonverbal Symbolic A process Functional Systematic Interactional Transactional

Principles of IPC Involves a process of adjustment Every message has both a content and relational level of meaning Relationships may be viewed as symmetrical or complementary Can be intentional or unintentional Communication is a series of punctuated events IPC is a transactional process Inevitable Irreversible Unrepeatable

Maxims of Communication You cannot not communicate. Watzlawick, Beavin, & Jackson, 1967 The quality of your communication directly affects the quality of your life. There is no one right way to be an effective communicator, or do an effective relationship.

Myths About Communication Communication will solve all our problems We need more communication Communication can break down All communication seeks understanding Communication is a good thing Meanings are in words Communication is a natural ability A competent communicator is competent across contexts Causality can usually be attributed to a single action

Why do we communicate? What do you think? Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

Why we communicate We communicate to: Share our ideas and opinions Provide feedback to others Get information from others Gain power and influence Develop social relationships Maintain self-expression and our culture and other ideas you may have thought of

How do we communicate? Think of the many ways in which you communicate… Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

How we communicate We communicate and build interpersonal relationships through: Speech Writing Listening Non-verbal language Music, art, and crafts

Choosing your medium Depending upon the situation, one method of communication may be better than another. In person: one-to-one In person: meetings, small groups In person: presentations, large groups Letter Memo or Note Email Voice mail Text message

Choosing your medium To determine the best medium for your message determine: What you as the sender need to achieve What the receiver needs to know. What the receiver wants to know How detailed, important, and or personal the information in the message is Which behavior you want to influence and how

Choosing your medium How would you communicate… To your parents that you were getting married To your friend that you quit your job To your co-worker about a notice of a meeting To a classmate that you wanted to work together on the project To your teacher that you were having problems in the class

Barriers to communication What are barriers to communication that exist in these settings? School Work Family Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

Barriers to communication Some common barriers to interpersonal communication include: Unclear process: The receiver and sender may not share the same language, slang, jargon, vocabulary, symbols Chain of command: There may be too many layers that a message passes through between sender and receiver Large size of an organization, geographic distance: Large numbers of receivers require good message sending methods Personal limitations: Physical and mental disabilities, and differences in intelligence and education may interfere with mutual understanding

Barriers to communication Additional common barriers to interpersonal communication include: Human nature: Peoples’ egos, prejudices, and traditions can get in the way Conflicting feelings, goals, opinions: If people feel on opposite sides of an issue they may not share Power: The idea that knowledge is power can lead to information hoarding and other ideas you may have thought of

Sharing your ideas Why and when is it necessary to share your ideas? Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

We share ideas to… State an opinion or position Give instructions or directions Announce a change Make presentations Participate in meetings Give information in emergencies Communicate the organizational mission, vision, and values and other ideas you may have thought of

Obstacles to sharing ideas What can make sharing ideas difficult? Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts… Shy Get tongue-tied Come across too aggressive Speak too quickly or slowly Information is too complicated Disagreeing with the majority Getting defensive

Obstacles to sharing ideas… Your own shyness Fear of rejection Peer pressure Unorganized thinking Others possibly becoming defensive Physical disabilities (impaired sight, hearing, speech) Having to deal with aggressive people and others you may have thought of

Speak for yourself… To ensure your messages are clear, speak for yourself, not for others: Speaking for yourself sounds like: I, me, my… I think, I feel, I want to know that… Speaking for no one sounds like: It, some people, everyone, they decided… Speaking for others sounds like: We, you, John, Mary said…

SHARE your ideas – a model State the main point of your message Highlight other important points Assure the receiver’s understanding React to how the receiver responds Emphasize/summarize your main ideas

SHARE – an example State the main point of your message “I’d like to talk to you the new employee welcome program”. Highlight other important points “We need to discuss the new schedule, locations, and presenters”. Assure the receiver’s understanding “Do you need me to further clarify how we are making invitations”? React to how the receiver responds “I understand your concern about parking”. Emphasize/summarize your main ideas “To wrap-up, I’ll develop the schedule and make the room reservations, if you can line up the guest speakers”.

Getting good information Why is it necessary to get good information from others? Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts…

Get good information to… Find out facts and details Get directions or instructions Try to understand another’s point of view Help someone solve a problem Resolve a team conflict Solve work problems and other ideas you may have thought of

Obstacles to getting good information What can make getting good information difficult? Take a few moments to write down some of your thoughts… Not knowing what you want to accomplish Talking about too many topics in the same discussion Scheduling a discussion when there are distractions Open-ended questions result in rambling Close-ended questions disguised as open-ended Jumping to conclusions Parroting, not rephrasing what was heard Not getting agreement or closure for action items Interrupting the other person

Obstacles to getting good information Lack of trust Assuming you already know it all Jumping to conclusions Not valuing diverse opinions Weak reading skills Weak listening skills Weak questioning skills and other ideas you may have thought of

Competent Communication Involves… Having a large repertoire of skills Becoming adaptable Knowledge and skill Being involved Having empathy & perspective-taking Being cognitively complex Self-monitoring Tolerating ambiguity Being open-minded

So what makes a “relationship”?

3 Primary Functions of Relationships Inclusion We all need to be a part of something We have social and identity needs Affection We all need to be loved Absence of = failure to thrive (Maslow) We have physical needs Control All have a need to be influenced All have a need to influence others We have practical needs

Continuum of Relationships (Steve Duck, University of Iowa, 1989) It is impossible to have a non-interpersonal relationship The basic unit of interpersonal communication is the dyad There exists a continuum of relationships between social and personal A relationship begins when there exists a mutual “recognition” of the other Not a personal relationship until a “mutual caring and concern exists between people”

What Makes a Relationship “Personal”? The interaction is personal It is unique It is irreplaceable There is interdependence There is self-disclosure There are intrinsic rewards