Listening

Overview Listening Listening vs Hearing Definition A five step listening process What we know about it Why is listening so difficult Steps to better listening How to help someone listen to you

Hearing vs Listening Hearing Listening Physical act of receiving sound Passive process No effort Listening Selective process Active process Takes work

Definition: Listening A selective process of: receiving, attending to, understanding, Evaluating, and responding to auditory messages Steil, L. K., Barker, L. L., & Watson, K. W. (1983). Effective listening: Key to your success. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.  

Five Step Listening Process Receiving – starts with a sound Attending to – paying attention to the sound Understanding – assigning meaning Evaluating – agreeing or disagreeing Responding – action (verbal or non-verbal) “I get it!”

What We Know About It Listening -- the most used communication skill Research shows: Most people spend 70% of their waking time in some form of communication activity Of this 70% of communication time: -- 10% is spent on writing -- 15% on reading   -- 30% on talking   -- 45% on listening

What we know about it, cont. Listening - least developed of all communication skills. Failure to listen is costly. Listening - one of the most valuable skills you can develop. Listening classes/workshops improve listening skills. Communication process depends on listening. Not listening is costly: resources, money, demerits, and lives

Listening Habits Survey Scoring: (20-100) Almost always = 2 Usually = 4 Sometimes = 6 Seldom = 8 Almost never = 10 Baghdad, Iraq: Col Jill Morgenthaler offers Liberty some milk. Three pest control managers climbed the Al Faw Palace ceilings and chipped away at the base of a patio column to rescue the trapped kitten. Retrieved 12 Jul 04 from AF website. 80 or above is exceptional 70 is around average or normal Below 60 need improvement Listening Habits Survey by Steil, Barker and Watson

Listening-Why So Difficult? Uninteresting topics Speaker’s delivery, appearance, or voice Over stimulation by the message Listening for facts Outlining everything

Listening-Why So Difficult? Cont. Faking attention Internal and external distractions Avoiding difficult material Emotional words Wasting the speed differential

Steps to Better Listening Pay Attention Look at the speaker Put aside distracting thoughts Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal Avoid environmental distractions “Listen” to the speaker’s body language

Steps to Better Listening Show that You’re Listening Nod occasionally Smile & use other facial expressions Note your posture – make it open and inviting Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like “yes” and “uh huh”

Steps to Better Listening Provide Feedback Reflect back by paraphrasing “What I’m hearing is,” and “Sounds like you are saying” Ask questions to clarify certain points. “What do you mean when you say?” “Is this what you mean?” Summarize speaker’s comments periodically

Steps to Better Listening Defer Judgment Allow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions Don’t interrupt with counter arguments

Steps to Better Listening Respond Appropriately Be candid, open and honest Assert your opinions respectfully Treat the other person in a way you think he or she would want to be treated

How to Help Others Listen to You Listening Suggestions How to Help Others Listen to You Be a good listener yourself Be interesting to talk to Use good eye contact Tell the truth Use the listener’s name regularly

Summary Listening Listening vs Hearing Definition A five step listening process What we know about it Why is listening so difficult Steps to better listening How to help someone listen to you