The Power of Possibilities! Parenting strategies to share with your families

What are the goals of parents? Here are some goals: To raise happy, confident, strong young adults To launch our children when they are 18 To maintain a good relationship with their children To raise resilient young adults To enjoy their children To have more time to do the things they want to do….

Let’s talk about kids….. Kids under the age of 10 are very literal. What does that mean? Kids don’t have any of the frontal-lobe abilities. Talking to them about why we can/can’t do something is sometimes more frustrating than helpful Kids want to be big – they really can do a lot All behavior is some sort of communication Iceberg analogy

Let’s talk about the Brain... Frontal Lobe – emotional regulation; logical reasoning; critical thinking; long term planning; judgement; impulse control; executive functioning; cognitive flexibility  When does it fully develop in a human? Temporal Lobe – memory; decision making; emotional reactions; instinctive behavior Amygdala is housed in the temporal lobe and is responsible for survival: fight, flight or freeze

What are positive parenting strategies? We already know our kids’ frontal lobe isn’t developed – it’s the parents job to be their frontal lobe for as long as possible. Brain is a muscle – what happens if a muscle isn’t used? Punishment may stop a behavior, but it will rarely promote the desired behavior. Only positive, specific reinforcement will do that. When we use empathy and loving responses, parents keep their children in their prefrontal cortex (thinking mode) and out of their amagdala.

Empathy – Why is this so important? 1.) Builds the connection – they feel heard and valued (basic human need). 2.) Opens the ears and heart to actually learn what they may need to learn 3.) Allows parents to remain the good – guy and the consequence be the bad guy

8 ways to support our kids learning Empathy = Be SAD not MAD Keep them thinking – use choices Assume they know that they messed up Ignore the negative – praise the positive Model healthy limits, boundaries and regulation Talk to them about feelings and allow them to feel Let them try Don’t repeat yourself; follow through the first time

Make your yes’s mean yes, and your no’s mean no Ask once and follow through. Start early with easy things then your children will know your words have actions behind them. When you have to say “no” you can be empathetic and “hear” them and validate their feelings but follow through with the ‘no’. Use familiar strategies and don’t try to make it too complicated. Examples – of not over explaining, not using anger to get your point across and lots of compassion and understanding when things don’t go their way.

Conclusion: Maintaining connection (empathy) It’s your job to parent (discipline: to train; teach; regulate; authority) which requires a connection: open ears and heart in order for our children to learn and for us to teach. When we punish we are exerting control. Research shows that the more we try to control our small children – the more they take control in inappropriate ways. Wise parents set healthy limits and boundaries, maintain the relationship and send the message that our kids can handle the world around them.