Who am I? Parenting Group, Feb. 1, 2017

Who am I? Help Wanted: Perfect Parent Col 3:12-17. Requirements: ....have a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; fore bearing with your children, forgiving them when they hurt you. Beyond all this, make sure your actions are motivated by love. In addition, let the peace of Christ rule in your heart and be thankful. Let your mind be soaked in God's word so that you can teach and correct (discipline) your kids with all wisdom.

Who am I? And be thankful. Whatever you do, do it all with a dependence upon God and be thankful. (PAM, parenting version.)

Who am I? Two points about this passage: Describes parenting pretty well Impossible standard What to do?

Who am I? All created with basic needs Am I acceptable/lovable? Do I matter? Is my life significant? Am I competent? Two ways to answer these questions. What I do? OR Who am I? How you answer these questions will impact your parenting.

What I do? I am a mother/father. What does a mother/father do? Parent. No problem if all goes well. What if you parent poorly? Either I am a bad parent or the kids are the problem. What if your kids are misbehaving? Either I am bad parent or the kids are the problem.

What I do? Using my children to make me feel good about myself. Usually not stated this bluntly. Undercurrent that impacts our parenting. Examples: Hair (Am I acceptable?) Discipline (Am I loved?) End Result: At best: Not acting in my kid’s best interest At worse: Using my kids to meet my needs

A Child of God. All created with basic needs Do I matter? Does my life have significance? Am I acceptable/lovable? Am I competent? Bible’s answer to these questions is rooted in being a child of God

A Child of God Theme is Scripture Romans 8:15&16 - So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his children. Now we call him, “Abba Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. (NLT) I John 3:1: "See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are...."

A Child of God. What does it mean to have God as Father? "faithful in love and care, generous and thoughtful, interested in all we do, respecting our individuality, skill in training us, wise in guidance, always available, helping us to find ourselves in maturity, integrity, and uprightness –" J.I. Packard, Knowing God (InterVarsity Press, 1973), PG. 184.

A Child of God. What does it mean to have God as Father? Am I acceptable/lovable? The cross Do I matter? Is my life significant? Good works prepared for you Am I competent? He will make us adequate When I see the Cross, I see the premium that God places on the works that He has prepared for me. How valuable all of these works must be if Christ would die so that I might now perform them! And how precious are those for whom these works are done if Christ would die that they might be served! Milton Vincent, The Gospel Primer, (Multnomah Publishers, Inc. 2008) pg. 38.

A Child of God What does it mean to have God as Father? Freedom and resources to parent well! Relationship is secure because of Christ I John 1:12 - But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name

A Child of God Inordinate emotions Repeated sinful patterns Child’s behavior, attitude, thoughts Act in best interest of the child What is true about me as a child of God? Lies I believe

A Child of God Child needs, demanding attention Anger, impatience Do it yourself Child needs, demanding attention Set aside task and engage Valuable in spite of performance “Get stuff done”

A Child of God He loves us more than the unkindness that we experience in life, and he is able to comfort and to heal us when we are wounded.” Ajith Fernando, The Call to Joy and Pain, pg. 22.

A Child of God Thoughts/questions that expose our motives in parenting: what will people think if they knew they are in my way and I need to get things accomplished they are interfering with my comfort so I will do whatever needs to be done so I can be comfortable I need to control so that they become the children other people will admire

A Child of God When one of my kids fails, do I feel panicky or discredited? Do I ever worry too much about my kids' success? Do I feel envy at another kid's success? When someone asks how my kids are doing, do I share what they are accomplishing in school and in their activities?

A Child of God How to respond? Wrong response: wallow in guilt. Right responses: Gratitude Motive been revealed God knows and still loves/accepts you Repent (agree with God) Apologize to child Talk with a friend

A Child of God What will it take to see growth in this area? Honesty with yourself and others Regularly reflect on these truth & others Steps of faith

A Child of God Questions Comments