Healthy Relationships Corresponds to Part 1 – Welcome!

Content & Aims of the Session Topics What is a "healthy relationship"? Sexual consent Sexual health information Aims Confidence and knowledge Methods Discussions + Games

Ground Rules Openness Everything we say stays in the room We do not judge others There are no silly questions There are no right or wrong answers Respect Language Help and Advice Have fun! Corresponds to Part 1 – Welcome: Openness. We will not discuss directly our own or other people's personal or private lives. We will discuss general situations as examples but will not use names or descriptions which could identify anyone Everything we say stays in the room. The facilitator will not repeat what is said here to friends, to family, or to staff. This is a private and safe space. The facilitator will only speak with a member of staff if worried about a student's safety and health. We do not judge others. We may have different opinions. It is OK to challenge an opinion but we will do it politely. We will not judge or make fun of anybody. No one is forced to participate if they do not want to. Taking part is important and we hope that you do. However if you do not wish to nobody is forced to take part. Give me a thumbs up if you need to leave the room at any time so I know you are OK. There are no silly questions. There are no right or wrong answers. We do not judge. We listen to others Respect what others say. We are all from different cultures, countries, and religions. We will not judge other people, and we will not assume what people's values or opinions are. Language. We will use the correct terms for the things we will be discussing, and not local words or slang. If you do not know the right word, please don't feel embarrassed and you can ask the facilitator. If I speak too fast or too slowly, please let me know. Feel free to use your phone to check words you don't know. Help and Advice. If we need further help or advice, we know how and where to seek it confidentially. Have fun! We understand some of these topics may be embarrassing but we hope to have a fun and nice time together!

"Talking about relationships and sex makes me feel ……….." Corresponds to Part 2 - Snowball Fight Directions: Write down 3 words to finish the sentence below Write each word on a separate sheet of paper and scrunch each paper into a ball You have 20 seconds to complete this task!

Glossary

What is a healthy relationship? part 1 What is a healthy relationship?

Healthy Communication 1) Find the right time 2) Talk face to face 3) Do not attack 4) Be honest 5) Check your body language 6) Use the 48 hour rule http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/communicate-better/ Find the Right Time. If something is bothering you and you would like to have a conversation about it, it can be helpful to find the right time to talk. Try to find a time when both you and your partner are calm and not distracted, stressed or in a rush. You might even consider scheduling a time to talk if one or both of you is really busy! Talk Face to Face. Avoid talking about serious matters or issues in writing. Text messages, letters and emails can be misinterpreted. Talk in person so there aren’t any unnecessary miscommunications. If you’re having trouble collecting your thoughts, consider writing them down ahead of time and reading them out loud to your partner. Do Not Attack. Even when we mean well, we can sometimes come across as harsh because of our word choice. Using “you” can sound like you’re attacking, which will make your partner defensive and less receptive to your message. Instead, try using “I” or “we.” For example, say “I feel like we haven’t been as close lately” instead of “You have been distant with me.” Be Honest. Agree to be honest. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it’s the key to a healthy relationship. Admit that you aren’t always perfect and apologize when you make a mistake instead of making excuses. You will feel better and it will help strengthen your relationship. Check Your Body Language. Let your partner know you’re really listening by giving them your full attention: sit up, face them and make eye contact when speaking. Don’t take a phone call, text or play a video game when you’re talking. Show your partner you respect them by listening and responding. Use the 48 Hour Rule. If your partner does something that makes you angry, you need to tell them about it. But you don’t have to do so right away. If you’re still hurt 48 hours later, say something. If not, consider forgetting about it. But remember your partner can’t read your mind. If you don’t speak up when you’re upset, there is no way for them to apologize or change. Once you do mention your hurt feelings and your partner sincerely apologies, let it go. Don’t bring up past issues if they’re not relevant.

How to communicate if you're angry 1. Stop 2. Think 3. Talk 4. Listen It’s okay to get angry in a relationship – everyone does at some point! What’s important is that you resolve conflicts in a healthy way. If you get angry with your partner, here are a few steps to take: Stop. If you get really angry about something, stop, take a step back and breathe. Tell your partner you’d like to take a short break before continuing the conversation. Give yourself time to calm down by watching TV, talking to a friend, playing a video game, taking a walk, listening to some music or whatever helps you relax. Taking a break can keep the situation from getting worse. Think. After you’re no longer upset, think about the situation and why you got so angry. Was it how your partner spoke or something they did? Figure out the real problem then think about how to explain your feelings. Talk. Finally, talk to your partner and when you do, follow the tips above. Listen. After you tell your partner how you feel, remember to stop talking and listen to what they have to say. You both deserve the opportunity to express how you feel in a safe and healthy environment.

Unhealthy relationships Examples of signs ... Controlling Restricts who you can see Critical Of your appearance and abilities Overly suspicious that you are cheating Trained staff to help with wellbeing issues include: Student Wellbeing Team Student Medical Centre Student Support Officers (SSO) International Experience Team

Talking with your partner about sex and contraception Why? Having sex can raise the intensity of emotions that people feel for each other - in a serious or casual relationship. It’s important that you feel ready and confident in your decisions about having sex. To find out about your partner's sexual history to find out whether they have a sexually transmitted infection (STI) which could put you at risk. To make decisions which suit both of you. Share your thoughts, opinions and expectations.

Tips Tips if you find the conversation about sex difficult: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Talkingaboutsex/Pages/Talkingtoyourpartner.aspx

part 2: consent

Cup of Tea Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZwvrxVavnQ Corresponds to Part 5 – Sexual Consent Directions: For this part of the session we will first watch a video together and then we will look at some case studies. We will not be discussing anybody's personal experiences in this session. Instead we will use case studies. They are examples that we thought up to talk about these issues.

= Positive and enthusiastic agreement! Sexual Consent = Positive and enthusiastic agreement! Both verbal signs and body language signs. You can't assume consent. Somebody must have "capacity" - e.g. not drunk, on drugs or under 16 years old You can withdraw consent at any time. Everybody has the right to say: "I changed my mind"

Consent Sex without consent is illegal in the UK and called rape, punishable in a law court. Age of consent = 16 years old for men and women. Applies in all relationships e.g.: - long term relationship - marriage - you dated somebody for 3 months - you are going on a date for the first time

Sexual Consent https://www.disrespectnobody.co.uk/consent/signs-to-spot/ If you want to do something sexual with your partner - you have the responsibility to get consent. The responsibility is not with your partner to say ‘no’ if they don’t want to. Talk to the other person. Check if they’re happy. Do not apply pressure to give consent

Unhealthy relationships If someone forces you to have sex without your consent, this is called rape. Report it to the police. If someone is abusive, report it to the police If you need help to report it or further advice, you can get help from a member of SHU staff. Trained staff to help with wellbeing issues include: Student Wellbeing Team Student Medical Centre Student Support Officers (SSO) International Experience Team If you feel that you are in an unhealthy relationship, there is plenty of help available.   If someone forces you to have sex without your consent, this is rape. You should report it to the police. If you need help to report it, you can get help from a member of SHU staff including the teams listed below. You can also download our guide to health services in the UK here <link to leaflet> Here is a list and description of the support services available to help students: Student Wellbeing Team The Wellbeing Team can help you manage personal issues that might impact on your studies. The services are confidential, delivered at both campuses and there are male and female advisers from different backgrounds. Student Medical Centre Students can register for free with the university medical centre. After you are registered you can book an appointment if you are concerned about your physical or mental health. Student Support Officers (SSO) Every course (except PhD programmes) has a student support officer who offers advice to students who have any issues with their course, for example if a student needs to take time out due to illness or repeat study. Student Support Officers are also trained to assist with any welfare issues a student may wish to discuss and to refer students to appropriate support services. You can ask to speak with your student Support Officers by contacting your faculty reception. International Experience Team This team offers drop-ins every day at 11am. If you have any welfare issue which you need to discuss, international and European students are welcome to come to the drop-in and the adviser can help signpost or refer a student to appropriate support services.

Case Study Do both people give full consent or not? How can you tell if they give consent - what are the verbal and non- verbal signs? What can each person say and do to improve giving and receiving consent? Corresponds to Part 7 – Case Studies: Directions: Choose a case study for the group to discuss. Ask them to think about the case in pairs. After 5 minutes ask them to feedback to the group and discuss as a group whether consent was given etc.   If consent is not given, ask the students to write down what each person in the case study should say to the other person to ensure consent is given. Allow a few minutes for this. Students can write it down in their own language, if they are struggling with language. Feedback to group with some examples of how to phrase difficult questions and tips for communicating well with a partner.

Leaflet - guide to health in the UK Quiz part 3 Leaflet - guide to health in the UK Quiz

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