Healthy & Unhealthy Dating Relationships

What do you notice?

Analyzing Healthy Relationships CHARACTERISTICS: Each partner feels they can be or act however they want without changing. Both partners accepts the other for who they are. Both partners recognize and appreciate natural changes that happen as relationships develop. Each partner establishes boundaries based on personal standards…not their partner’s. They understand the difference between “we” and “I”.

Healthy Relationship Wheel http://www.uhavetheright.net/relationships.html

Quiz results: Healthy ONLINE SURVEY RESULTS Healthy relationship results were those who both perceptions produced 85% or higher. 2nd ,6th & 7th period online quizzes resulted in ___out of ___ healthy relationships (___%) What is your initial reaction to this number? What are ways to improve a relationship? --------------------------------------------------------

Quiz results: Unhealthy RESULTS: Unhealthy relationship results were those who one or more perceptions produced 84% or lower. 2nd , 6th & 7th period online quizzes resulted in ___ out of ___ unhealthy relationships (___%) What is your initial reaction to this number? Discuss what characteristics make a relationship UNHEALTHY? --------------------------------------------------------

Analyzing Unhealthy Relationships CHARACTERISTICS: One partner is dependent on the other for... Unreasonable jealousy. One partner is in control of the relationship. One partner is concerned about their own needs & wants. Emotional, verbal, physical, sexual etc. abuse.

“We are USUALLY healthy…” HOW DO I KNOW?

WARNING SIGNS OF A UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP: POOR COMMUNICATION He told me last month he wasn’t mad about that anymore! Were you flirting with that guy? Are you going to go kiss him, too? UNRESOLVED CONFLICTS Why hasn’t he answered?! or INSUFFICIENT AMOUNT OF TIME TOGETHER I can’t be away from her!!! EMOTIONAL AND/OR PHYSICAL ABUSE

If your relationship is UNHEALTHY, what should you do? Break Up!!

HOW TO END A RELATIONSHIP: Convince yourself it’s the right choice. Why might this be difficult? Choose an appropriate time & place. When would be a good time (day, time, etc)? Where would be a good place? How would the time & place change if there is a chance they’ll get really upset/mad? Explain why you’re breaking up with them. Why should you be honest? Prepare for uncomfortable feelings. It will always suck, there is no way to avoid that Make sure other people know…WHY?

If you notice any of these things happening in your relationship, it is moving from UNHEALTHY to ABUSIVE. You are afraid of making your boy/girlfriend angry. You are afraid to disagree with your boy/girlfriend. You need “permission” to do things or go places without your boy/girlfriend. This includes calling them to make sure it’s “okay”. You are afraid your boy/girlfriend could hurt you or something you care about. You are afraid to end the relationship with your boy/girlfriend.

What is the difference between an Unhealthy relationship & an Abusive relationship? The element of fear

6 red flags that you’re being abused: Your partner… …constantly criticizes you, your intelligence, and/or your self-worth. …tries to keep you from having any friends, especially friends they might see as potential romantic competition. …acts really jealous of you, especially when other people try to talk to you. …has problems controlling their temper – even if it’s not directed at you. …makes threats against you or something you care about. …insists that you do something sexual, even when you have told them, “NO.”

HEALTHY UNHEALTHY ABUSIVE www.teenrelationship.org/respect HEALTHY UNHEALTHY ABUSIVE Not Communicating Communicates Abusively Communicating Disrespectful through abuse Respectful Disrespectful Falsely accusing of flirting/cheating Trusting Not trusting Dishonest Honest Doesn’t take responsibility for abuse Trying to take control Equal Enjoy personal space Controls partner Feeling smothered or forgetting friends Isolates partner Make consensual sexual decisions Pressuring other into sexual activity Forces sexual activity

Communication HEALTHY unhealthy abusive www.teenrelationship.org/respect HEALTHY unhealthy abusive Communication You talk openly about problems without shouting or yelling. You listen to one another, hear each other out, respect each other’s opinions, and are willing to compromise.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect HEALTHY unhealthy abusive Respectful You value each other as you are. Culture, beliefs, opinions and boundaries are valued. You treat each other in a way that demonstrates the high esteem you hold for one another.

Trusting HEALTHY unhealthy abusive www.teenrelationship.org/respect HEALTHY unhealthy abusive Trusting You both trust each other, and the trust has been earned.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect HEALTHY unhealthy abusive Honest You are both honest with each other but can still choose to keep certain things private. For example, you both know that it is important to be honest about things that affect or involve the relationship and still know that it is also ok to keep certain things in private.

Equal HEALTHY unhealthy abusive www.teenrelationship.org/respect HEALTHY unhealthy abusive Equal You make decisions together and you hold each other to the same standards.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect HEALTHY unhealthy abusive Enjoy Personal Space You both enjoy spending time apart and respect when one of you voices a need for space.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect HEALTHY unhealthy abusive Make consensual sexual decisions You talk openly about sexual decisions together. You both consent to sexual activity and can talk about what is okay and what isn’t. If you’re having sex you talk about possible consequences together. You decide together how to address prevention of pregnancy & STD’s.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy UNHEALTHY abusive Not communicating Problem are not discussed calmly, or not talked about at all. You don’t listen to each other or try to compromise.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy UNHEALTHY abusive Disrespectful One or both partners are inconsiderate toward the other. One or both partners don’t treat each other in a way that shows they care.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy UNHEALTHY abusive Not trusting There is suspicion that your partner is doing things behind your back, or your partner is suspicious of your loyalty without reason.

Dishonest One or both partners are telling lies to each other. www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy UNHEALTHY abusive Dishonest One or both partners are telling lies to each other.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy UNHEALTHY abusive Trying to take control One or both partners sees their desires or decisions as more important. One or both partners is focused only on getting their own way.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy UNHEALTHY abusive Feeling smothered or forgetting to spend time with others So much time is spent together that one partner is beginning to feel uncomfortable. Or sometimes both partners spend so much time together that they ignore friends, family, or other things that used to be important to him.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy UNHEALTHY abusive Pressuring the other into sexual activity or ignoring consequences One partner is trying to convince the other that the relationship should become more sexual. Or both partners are consensually sexually active with each other but aren’t addressing the possible consequences.

healthy unhealthy ABUSIVE www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy unhealthy ABUSIVE Communicates abusively During disagreements there is screaming, cussing, or threatening, or these things happen even when there is no argument. A partner is demeaning or insulting toward the other.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy unhealthy ABUSIVE Is disrespectful through abuse A partner intentionally and continuously disregards your feelings and physical safety.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy unhealthy ABUSIVE Falsely accuses the other of flirting or cheating A partner suspects flirting or cheating without reason and accuses the other, often harming their partner verbally or physically as a result.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy unhealthy ABUSIVE Doesn’t take responsibility for the abuse The violent or verbally abusive partner denies or minimizes their actions. They try to blame the other for the harm they’re doing.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy unhealthy ABUSIVE Controls the other partner There is no equality in the relationship. What one partner says goes, and if they other partner tries to change this there is increased abuse.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy unhealthy ABUSIVE Isolates the partner One partner controls where the other one goes, who the other partner sees and talks to. The other partner has no personal space and is often isolated from other people altogether.

www.teenrelationship.org/respect healthy unhealthy ABUSIVE Forces sexual activity The how, when, and where of sexual activity is determined by only one partner. Threats and violence are used prior to or during sexual activity.