Love – Throughout History, and today

Love continuum Anomaly: laughable or tragic Desirable: Necessary for marriage

Similarities of the experience of love Love is culturally prescribed May have a biological basis BUT … Experience will depend on historical/social/cultural conditions and gender Expression will depend on historical/social/cultural conditions and gender Similar emotional experiences are bred by similar practices Societies control love Probability of its occurrence Its subjective experience Its expression

How do societies control “love” Child marriages The story of Mapendo Simbeye – Malawi – Sub saharan Africa Seclusion of the sexes Harem Strict prescriptions for the choice of mates Spouses selected by committee of elders or community leaders Supervision of “love” by the family Introduction of young people and courtship Life cycle stage control encouragement of love only at certain social-demographic stages of life (“You are too young” or “You are already in your late twenties!” or “What? At that age????”)

When societies strictly controlled love: the good old love stories High love drama Modern conditions for social restrictions on love do not exist Remaining restrictions are not severe enough to make “high drama” Romantic comedies Based on social status violations

How do we fall in love?

Durkheim’s theory of rituals Face-to-face interaction Focus on a common object Shared emotional tone High intensity interaction instrumental in intensifying the shared emotion Emotionally charged symbols representing group membership Delineation of “outsiders” and “insiders”

How do we fall in love? Love as a ritual Interaction ritual, based on Durkheim’s theory of rituals Face-to-face interaction Focus on a common object Shared emotional tone High intensity interaction instrumental in intensifying the shared emotion Symbols representing group membership Consequences of violating symbols

Why doesn’t love last forever? “But I think you also get used to love because by the time passes you do not feel the same excitement anymore or you do not feel so strong”

Ritual of love cannot last forever Face-to-face interaction Requirements of daily living Focus on a common object Other matters such as school or work requires shifting of focus Shared emotional tone High intensity interaction instrumental in intensifying the shared emotion Lack of high intensity interaction will result in diminishing emotion Symbols representing group membership May be lasting with lasting consequences of violating symbols

WHO do we fall in love with? Who do men fall in love with? Who do women fall in love with?

Love as a process of exchange Exchange between socially matched partners (propinquity and homophily) Physical characteristics - attractiveness Personality Skills Wealth Proximity The “value” of the partner must be approximately equal. The subjective value of what each partner has to offer to the other

Love as a process of exchange Finding some common discussible topics, finding pleasure in the same things and teaching one another new things that are not perceived before take times but the effort spent doing all things creates real and durable love. Also I don’t believe that there is only one love for you which is horrible even think about like that. I think there are many people that you can fall in love with.

Properties that are valued by women Provider-protector Women are, on average more dependent on marriage than men Companion Long term relationship Attractiveness

Properties that are valued by men Potentially satisfactory sexual partner Low level of need for long term commitment Attractiveness Men can afford “love at first sight” Care-taker Men expect certain returns to their economic support Economic potential is not as important because of the expected roles in a relationship

How do women manage to “fall in love” with the right guy Emotion work The process of aligning one’s emotions with the dictates of the situation

Love is NOT blind Social interactions occur among those of similar backgrounds Social class restricts the “supply” “Love” matches tend to occur between those who are similar Homophily Similarity in objective criteria Education Income Religion Similarity in “subjective” criteria Attractiveness Personality attributes

Informal Reading 1 Due Monday Feb 25 Available on Courseware