Understanding and Dealing with Challenging Students & Parents Christine Schimmel, Ed.D., NCC, LPC West Virginia University Wayne County Board of Education April 3, 2017

How We Change Unconscious Incompetent Conscious Incompetent Conscious Competent Unconscious Competent

All Behavior Is Purposeful Guiding Belief All Behavior Is Purposeful

Glasser’s Explanation

HUNGRY ANGRY LONELY TIRED H-A-L-T HUNGRY ANGRY LONELY TIRED

Adler’s Explanation Again - All behavior is purposeful Students see themselves as either discouraged or encouraged Understanding difficult students is to understand purposefulness of behavior and the students view of the world

4 Goals of Misbehavior (see handout) TYPICAL REACTION HOW to HANDLE Ignore; acknowledge student when behaving appropriately Give Choices Don’t take it personally Use reflective listening Encourage, Encourage ATTENTION POWER REVENGE FEELING OF INADAQUACY Feeling Annoyed Feeling Angry Feeling Hurt Feelings of giving up

Consider the Power of Choices Choices don’t have to be “do your work or don’t do your work” Be creative in allowing students to choose Choices don’t mean you give up control; if anything, choices give you more control What are choices you can give in your setting?

What is Your Communication Style? Giving IN Giving ORDERS Giving CHOICES (Share your thoughts on your style!)

Trauma We can no longer underestimate the number of children impacted by trauma and the effects that has on them!

Classroom Ideas for Helping Children Suffering from Trauma (see handout) Deep Breathing “How are you feeling?” Jar Hand massage Bucket Inventory Trigger Lists (Grades 5- 12)

What is “TA” And How Can it Help with Parents & Students? Transactional Analysis – Model of people & relationships; developed by Eric Berne Assumptions: We have 3 parts (ego states) We converse with ourselves & others from these parts (that is where we get “transactional” – TA helps us understand transactions)

Educational TA can address issues of: initial and continuing teacher education institutional climate and culture developmental and educational needs self esteem building parent education student motivation staff morale and teacher well-being blocks to learning and teaching behavior management Retrieved from http://www.itaanet.org/ta/index.htm

TA Overview Parent Adult Child

Parent Critical Parent Part Nurturing Parent Part “Do it now!” “Didn’t I tell you once?” “That is the worst I have ever seen!” “Let me tell you something right now….” “I appreciate it when you…” “I knew you could do it!” “Great job, folks!”

Child Not OK/ Angry/Rebellious/ Hurt Child Part Free/Fun Child Part “Hey, let’s go hang out!” “Let’s see what happens when we do this experiment!” “Christmas break – YES!” “I can’t do anything right!” “Who do you think you are?” “Shut up; I hate you!” “You can’t make me! “I don’t care!”

“You can choose A or B, or you can choose to go to the office, but I can’t let you continue to disrupt the rest of the class.” Adult THINK “If I ….. then……” “How can I help you feel better (calm yourself)?” “I don’t like it, but I can stand it” “I’m sorry you feel that way.” “I wish I could change it, but unfortunately I can’t.” “Unfortunately, this student and I just don’t get along; what can I do to make it less painful for us both?”

The Look of a Simple Fight Critical Parent Critical Parent Not OK Child Not Ok Child

Want to Stay in your Adult? You will need some tools! Use your shield Use your filter

THREE Rs! DON’T DO REACT RETREAT RETREAT RETHINK RETHINK RESPOND

Common “non-Adult” sentences faculty tell themselves I must reach every student & if I don’t it means I am a bad principal/teacher/staff member. Kids should listen to me & if they don’t it means they are bad & they should be severely punished Kids/parents should listen to me & if they don’t it means I am weak. Every parent must approve of what I am doing & if they don’t it is awful & I can’t stand it! I must be liked by all of my colleagues & if I am not (or if I feel I am not)-- it is terrible!

Key Sentences to Keeping me in my Adult I can change the way I feel if I change what I am telling myself & only tell myself things that are true. I can spare myself a lot of frustration & anger if I keep my expectations in line with reality.

Every Child Needs a Champion Dr. Rita Pierson

What has been most helpful to you today? What will you be more “conscious” of with regards to difficult students/parents?

Contact Information: Chris.schimmel@mail.wvu.edu 502-G Allen Hall Morgantown, WV 26506 304-293-2266