The Book of Proverbs Friendship Proverbs

Friendship A good deal of literature has been written on friendship over the years. Perhaps one of the best known articles on Christian friendship is found in a book by C.S Lewis entitled The Four Loves. In it he says such things about friendship as: Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one."

Friendship C.S Lewis from The Four Loves (continued): It may be a common religion, common studies, a common profession, even a common recreation. All who share it will be our companions; In this kind of love, as Emerson said, “Do you love me?” means “Do you see the same truth?” Or at least, "Do you care about the same truth?" The man who agrees with us that some question, little regarded by others, is of great importance can be our Friend. He need not agree with us about the answer.

Friendship C.S Lewis from The Four Loves (continued): Hence we picture lovers face to face but Friends side by side; their eyes look ahead. That is why those pathetic people who simply "want friends" can never make any. The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question “Do you see the same truth?” would be "I see nothing and I don't care about the truth; I only want a Friend," no Friendship can arise though Affection of course may. There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travelers.

Friendship Today we are going to look at: Why We Need Friends Friends Versus So-Called Friends The Marks of a True Friend Jesus As the Ultimate Friend

Why We Need Friends The book of Proverbs teaches us that we need good friends to help us through the difficulties and troubles that we encounter in life: A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (18:24) This proverb is telling us that, though we have many people who accompany us in life, in order to keep ourselves from coming to ruin, we need a true friend – someone who will “stick” with us, no matter what.

Why We Need Friends A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (17:17) This proverb draws a contrast between a friend and a family member (in this case, a brother). The friend is represented as always present, in good times and bad; the relative only in adversity. A friend rejoices and weeps with you; a relative functions more as a safety net. (Bruce Waltke, Commentary on Proverbs) A friend is someone who loves you, who recognizes your inherent worth and dignity, and who wants to be there for you even in times of anguish and suffering.

Friends Versus So-Called Friends Most people know you and want to know you because you’re useful to them (and more than likely you view them in the same way): Many seek the favor of a generous man, and everyone is a friend to a man who gives gifts. (19:6) But when circumstances change and the generous man needs someone to be there for him, he will discover that many of his “friends” no longer have time for him: Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend. (19:4)

Friends Versus So-Called Friends Some people will deliberately try to deceive you into thinking they are your friend in order to get something from you: A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet. (29:5) If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse. (27:14 NIV) Even as the shepherds warned Christian and Hopeful (in Pilgrim’s Progress): “Beware of the Flatterer!”

The Marks of a True Friend A true friend is someone who: Is there when you need them Cares about you Is willing to counsel you and be counseled by you Is willing to tell you the truth - even when it hurts

The Marks of a True Friend A true friend is there when you need them: As we’ve already seen: A friend loves at all times…(17:17a) …a friend… sticks closer than a brother. (18:24) Unlike a so-called friend, a true friend sticks close: Even when you’re in a lot of trouble Even when it costs them to be your friend They’re not going to walk away and let you fail when you need their help.

The Marks of a True Friend A true friend is there when you need them: This does not mean that a friend should rescue a person who, because of a pattern of serious sinful behavior, continually causes problems for themselves and others: A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again. (19:19 NIV) The best way to be a friend to this kind of person is to allow them to experience the consequences of their own making, and be there for them when (and if) the negative consequences in their life bring them to their senses.

The Marks of a True Friend A true friend is there when you need them: Being someone’s friend does not mean that the two of you need to spend all your time together: Don't set foot too frequently in your neighbor's house, lest he become weary of you and hate you. (25:17 NET) But a true friend is someone with a proven track record who is available: Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away. (27:10)

The Marks of a True Friend A true friend cares about you: A true friend isn’t happy when you’re down: Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart. (25:20 NIV) A true friend has empathy for you in good times and in bad: Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. (Rom 12:15)

The Marks of a True Friend A true friend cares about you: A true friend doesn’t “jerk you around” and then pretend like it was just a joke: Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, "I was only joking!" (26:18-19 NIV) A true friend is someone who habitually speaks the truth in love in their communication with you. (Eph. 4:15)

The Marks of a True Friend A true friend is willing to counsel you and be counseled by you : Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. (27:9) As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (27:17 NIV)

The Marks of a True Friend A true friend is willing to tell you the truth – even when it hurts: Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (27:5-6) He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue. (28:23 NIV)

Jesus Is the Ultimate Friend As I looked at what it means to be a true friend, I was overcome by two feelings: Sadness – because true friends are rare – and none of them are perfectly true friends – they all let us down at some point. Shame – because, as Keller said in his sermon on friendship in Proverbs: “I find the profile [of biblical friendship] to be crushing. Because when you measure yourself against this you realize that the reason we don’t have great friends is because we’re not great friends. It’s hard!” So what do we do with this?

Jesus Is the Ultimate Friend In John 15, we see that on the night he was crucified, Jesus spoke to his disciples and said: This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you... (John 15:12-16a)

Jesus Is the Ultimate Friend Here we see Jesus is our only true friend. He was there for us when we needed him – even before we knew we needed him - he laid down his life for us! He cares for us! That’s why he lets us in on what he’s doing. And he counsels us to love one another – to be true friends to others as he has been a true friend to us.

Jesus Is the Ultimate Friend Here we see Jesus is our only true friend. And he tells us the hard truth – he did not choose us because we chose him. The reality is, we would never have chosen him! He chose us because he loved us first – even when we were completely unlovable. And so knowing these things, we can be secure in his love, knowing that he loves us: Even when our friends let us down Even when we’re not the kind of friends we ought to be - not the kind of people we ought to be. He’s our true friend!