HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS— OUR BODIES FRIENDS DATING SEXUALITY/SEX INTIMACY

Dr. Marilyn K Volker, Sexologist Miami, FL besafemv@gmail.com American Board Of Sexology American Academy of Clinical Sexology

BE SAFE Physically Sexually EMOTIONALLY

SAFETY DECISIONS WHO???? WHAT???? WHERE???? WHEN??? WHY??? HOW???

SAFETY DECISIONS WHAT ARE THE POSITIVES? WHAT ARE THE NEGATIVES? WHAT IS MY GOAL? WHAT ARE MY VALUES?—I’ll DO THIS— I WON’T DO THIS--

SAFETY COMMUNICATION I’LL DO THIS…..BUT NOT THAT… YES….or NO….or I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT MAYBE LATER NOT NOW I HAVE TO TALK TO ______ FIRST

8 TYPES OF INTIMACY Affection Spiritual Physical (not sex) Social Aesthetic (sharing something beautiful) Emotional (talk about feelings) Sexual (outercourse / intercourse) Intellectual (talk about facts)

Just Say “KNOW” Use your head Use your heart Always be safe www.si.edu/.../faq/ nmnh/buginfo/butterfly.htm

8 TYPES OF INTIMACY Affection Spiritual Physical (not sex) Social Aesthetic (sharing something beautiful) Emotional (talk about feelings) Sexual (outercourse / intercourse) Intellectual (talk about facts)

Psycho-sexual skill development and problematic Sexual Behaviors Courtship Touching Staring Obsessing- blind infatuations Wishful thinking Understanding wants and needs Love and Friendship Sexual emotions and adolescence Communication and Sexuality Larry Obsessing Blind infatuation and Stalking – definitions Expectations and wishful thinking Understanding wants and needs Obsessing

AFFECTIONAL INTIMACY WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF AFFECTION? HUGS NOTES/E-MAIL/TEXT/TWEET KISSES FIST BUMP HIGH FIVE NICE WORDS

http://www.glad.org/images/Kerrigan_couples_big.gif

THIS IS ME/I RESPECT ME I AM: I LIKE TO DO THIS: I DON’T LIKE TO DO THIS: I WISH I COULD: I WOULD LIKE TO: I’M LEARNING ABOUT: MY PETS/HOBBIES: MY FAMILY: MY FRIENDS:

8 TYPES OF INTIMACY Affection Spiritual Physical (not sex) Social Aesthetic (sharing something beautiful) Emotional (talk about feelings) Sexual (outercourse / intercourse) Intellectual (talk about facts)

Emotional Intimacy Sharing YOUR Feelings Listening to OTHER’S Be Respectful Thank You for Listening

COMMUNICATE… I FEEL….. I’D LIKE TO… I DON’T WANT TO… I’LL DO THIS… I WON’T DO THIS… HOW DO YOU FEEL?

Someone who pressures you is NOT thinking about your feelings Someone who pressures you is NOT thinking about your feelings! Tell him or her how you feel.

8 TYPES OF INTIMACY Affection Spiritual Physical (not sex) Social Aesthetic (sharing something beautiful) Emotional (talk about feelings) Sexual (outercourse / intercourse) Intellectual (talk about facts)

Physical intimacy Walks, running, jogging Tournaments Marathons, skiing, working out Skating Surfing Sailing

8 TYPES OF INTIMACY Affection Spiritual Physical (not sex) Social Aesthetic (sharing something beautiful) Emotional (talk about feelings) Sexual (outercourse / intercourse) Intellectual (talk about facts)

Aesthetic Intimacy....sharing beauty MUSIC… MOVIES… BEACHES… STARS!.... FLOWERS…. FOOD…. ANIMALS

8 TYPES OF INTIMACY Affection Spiritual Physical (not sex) Social Aesthetic (sharing something beautiful) Emotional (talk about feelings) Sexual (outercourse / intercourse) Intellectual (talk about facts)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT???? Intellectual Stimulation WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT???? MOVIES, SPORTS, THE WORLD, VIDEO GAMES, FOOD, CLOTHES, VACATIONS, SCHOOL….???

8 TYPES OF INTIMACY Affection Spiritual Physical (not sex) Social Aesthetic (sharing something beautiful) Emotional (talk about feelings) Sexual (outercourse / intercourse) Intellectual (talk about facts)

Spiritual/Values Worship Self development Cultural politics

8 TYPES OF INTIMACY Affection Spiritual Physical (not sex) Social Aesthetic (sharing something beautiful) Emotional (talk about feelings) Sexual (outercourse / intercourse) Intellectual (talk about facts)

External Female Genitals

100% SAFE NO SEX – ABSTINENCE OR TOUCHING YOUR OWN BODY – MASTURBATION

SEX ON OUTSIDE OF THE BODY – OUTERCOURSE –

Condoms

8 TYPES OF INTIMACY Affection Spiritual Physical (not sex) Social Aesthetic (sharing something beautiful) Emotional (talk about feelings) Sexual (outercourse / intercourse) Intellectual (talk about facts)

Just Say “KNOW” Use your head Use your heart Always be safe www.si.edu/.../faq/ nmnh/buginfo/butterfly.htm

BE SAFE Physically Emotionally Sexually

LIFE SITUATIONS YOU ARE IN YOUR CLASS— A FRIEND IN YOUR CLASS ASKS TO BORROW LUNCH MONEY EVERY DAY… HOW DO YOU FEEL??? WHAT ARE THE PRO’S/CON’S? WHAT IS YOUR GOAL? WHAT ARE SOME POSSIBLE DECISIONS? I’LL DO THIS ____ BUT NOT THIS ___

LIFE SITUATION YOU ARE INVITED TO A PARTY BY YOUR FRIENDS…THIS PARTY IS AT A HOME YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN TO… HOW DO YOU FEEL?? WHAT ARE THE PRO’S/CON’S? WHAT IS YOUR GOAL? WHAT ARE SOME POSSIBLE DECISIONS? I’LL DO THIS____/BUT NOT THIS ____

LIFE SITUATION YOU ARE AT A PARTY AND HAVING FUN YOU ARE DANCING WITH PEOPLE & SOMONE OFFERS YOU A DRINK IN A CUP…YOU ARE THIRSTY…WHAT DO YOU DO? HOW ARE YOU FEELING? WHAT ARE THE PRO’S/CON’S? WHAT ARE SOME POSSIBLE DECISIONS? WHAT CAN YOU SAY?

LIFE DECISIONS YOU ARE WALKING TO CLASS. YOU MEET SOMEONE WHO YOU LIKE & SEEMS TO LIKE YOU…THIS PERSON WANTS YOUR E=MAIL… HOW DO YOU FEEL? WHAT ARE THE PRO’S?/CON’S? WHAT ARE SOME POSSIBLE DECISIONS? I’ll DO THIS ____ BUT NOT THIS___

LIFE DECISIONS YOU ARE DATING SOMEONE REALLY NICE. YOU GO TO MOVIES, PARTIES, RESTAURANT. THIS PERSON WANTS TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND. THIS PERSON WANTS TO KISS, HOLD HANDS, & WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU…YOU REALLY LIKE THIS PERSON. HOW DO YOU FEEL? WHAT ARE THE PRO’S/CON’S? WHAT ARE SOME POSSIBLE DECISIONS? I’LL DO THIS____BUT NOT THIS ____

OTHER LIFE DECISIONS-- YOUR LIFE SITUATIONS: HOW DO YOU FEEL? WHAT ARE THE PRO’S?/CON’S? WHAT ARE SOME POSSIBLE DECISIONS? I’LL DO THIS _____BUT NOT THIS ____