Healthy Relationships Teen Dating Violence Healthy Relationships Sexual Violence Society’s Role Maura Jones YWCA Missoula 406.543.6691 24-hour crisis line: 406-542-1944

Abusive Relationship: Definitions Abusive Relationship: A relationship where there is a pattern of abusive behavior with one main abuser and one main victim Abuse is an action or behavior used by one person to control another Although both men and women perpetrate violence, the vast majority of violence (95%) is perpetrated by men and causes more severe injury. What is the difference? Emphasize that conflict is normal in relationships. It’s all about how we deal with it. Why is this important? This doesn’t affect me. Many people that are victims, perpetrators, or friends of victims or perpetrators of dating violence do not know what dating violence is. Recognizing it before it goes too far can prevent some incidents of violence against women. Also, being knowledgeable about these issues can help us to understand and deal with dating violence in our own lives or the lives of those we know. NEXT: Red, Yellow, Green for scenarios

Sexual Assault: Forced (non-consensual) sexual activity of any kind. DEFINITIONS Sexual Assault: Forced (non-consensual) sexual activity of any kind. Sexual Harassment: Unwanted sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature. Rape: Any forced, unwanted sexual intercourse Approximately 70% of young women rape victims knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend or acquaintance. It is someone they know!

One third of high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship. Forty percent of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a partner. Dating violence is the leading cause of injury to young women. 1 in 4 women will be the victim of a sexual assault in their life 1 in 6 men will be the victim of a sexual assault in their life

Why would someone ‘stay’, or not seek help Why would someone ‘stay’, or not seek help? -Fear -Belief that abuse is normal -Fear of being ‘outed’ -Embarassment -Low Self-Esteem -Love -Pressure

Warning Signs extreme jealousy controlling behavior quick involvement shows hypersensitivity believes in rigid sex roles blames others for their problems or feelings cruel to animals or children verbally abusive severe disregard for former partner threatens violence extreme jealousy controlling behavior quick involvement unpredictable mood swings alcohol and drug use explosive anger isolates you from friends and family uses force during an argument You know your dating partner abused a former girlfriend or boyfriend and your partner accepts or defends the use of violence. It’s not all at once. Little by little they start controlling your whole entire life.

What is Healthy? loving yourself respecting individuality having independent activities communication resolving conflicts in a rational, peaceful way respecting each other’s privacy Healthy relationships are about trust, honesty, and compromise Healthy relationships should not be about controlling the person you’re with. Anger Control.: How we choose to get anger can effect how others view us. They need to learn to think before they speak, especially when angry. It is never alright to lash out violently when angry. You should think about why you’re angry and find a positive solution. Problem Solving: Break problems into manageable pieces. ID possible solutions. People that cans olve problems in a problem solving way don’t need to resort to violence. Negotiation and Compromise: It is a valuable tool to realize you can’t always get your way. It is important to look at an issue and acknowledge different points of view and discuss possible ‘win-win’ situations. Partners must learn to use a ‘give and take’ method. Assertiveness: Not aggression. Involves respect for one’s needs and others. Less likely to get involved in violent relationships if you are able to express your needs. Fighting Fair: Stick to the subject, avoid insults, and avoid talking about the past. It’s OK to walk away from the situation and come back once they’ve cooled down and talk calmly. Empathy: See things from other’s point of view. Makes it less likely to hurt others on purpose.

Host a student brainstorming session Host a student brainstorming session. Ask students to talk about common problems that arise in their relationships, or their friends’ relationships. Ask for their ideas for making relationships stronger and healthier, and for solving relationship problems between friends and dating partners. Collect their suggestions, put them on a poster, and hang it in the classroom.

How we can help. How you can help. believe them be nonjudgmental listen don’t tell them what to do don’t minimize the abuse

YWCA-Missoula 1130 W. Broadway Missoula, MT Crisis Line: 406-542-1944 ywcaofmissoula.org National Dating Abuse Hotline 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453 TTY Love is Respect Text “love is” to 77054 loveisrespect.org Maura Jones