Communication and Identity Chapter topics Communication and the Self Presenting the Self: Communication as Identity Management Self-Disclosure in Relationships Alternatives to Self Disclosure

Communication and the Self Self-Concept and Self-Esteem Self-concept The relatively stable set of perceptions you hold of yourself Self-esteem Evaluations of self-worth

Communication and the Self Self-Concept and Self-Esteem People with high self-esteem Tend to think well of others Expect to be accepted by others High self-esteem doesn’t guarantee interpersonal success Can be starting point for positive behaviors and interactions

Communication and the Self Self-Concept and Self-Esteem People with low self-esteem Likely to disapprove of others Expect to be rejected by others Evaluate their own performance less favorably Perform poorly when being watched Feel threatened by people they view as superior Have difficulty defending themselves against others’ negative comments

Communication and the Self Self-Concept and Self-Esteem Self-esteem and communication behavior Figure 2.1

Communication and the Self Biological and Social Roots to the Self Biology and the self Personality is part of our genetic makeup Biology influenced traits; Disposition to certain attributes. Personality is flexible, dynamic, shaped by experience

Communication and the Self Socialization and the Self-Concept Messages we receive from people in our lives play central role in shaping how we regard ourselves Reflected Appraisal Each of us develops a self-concept that reflects the way we believe others see us

Communication and the Self Socialization and the Self-Concept These principles continue in later life especially when messages come from significant others Impact remains strong during adolescence Inclusion in or exclusion from peer groups crucial factor

Communication and the Self Socialization and the Self-Concept Social Comparison Evaluating ourselves in terms of how we compare with others Two Types of Comparison Superior or Inferior Same or different from others These comparisons depend on the reference groups we measure ourselves against Significance depends on opinions of others

Communication and the Self Characteristics of the Self-Concept Distorted self-evaluations can occur These distortions can be based on: Obsolete information Distorted feedback Emphasis on perfection Social expectations

Communication and the Self The Self-Concept Resists Change Cognitive conservatism Tendency to seek and attend to information that conforms to existing self-concept Tendency holds when new self-perception would be more favorable Can accept new data and change perception or keep original perception and refute new information Most communicators reluctant to downgrade favorable impression of themselves

Communication and the Self The Self-Concept Resists Change Suggestions for embracing a more positive self-image Have a realistic perception of yourself Have realistic expectations Have the will to change Have the skill to change

Communication and the Self Culture, Gender, and Identity Culture Self shaped by culture in which we have been reared Individualistic culture Strong I orientation Collectivistic culture Maintaining harmony Co-cultural identity

Communication and the Self Culture, Gender, and Identity Sex and gender Being male or female shapes way others communicate with us and thus our sense of self Self-esteem influenced by gender Sense of self shaped strongly by people with whom we interact and contexts in which we communicate

Communication and the Self The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and Communication Self-fulfilling prophecy A person’s expectations and subsequent behavior make an event more likely to occur Four stages of the self-fulfilling prophecy: Holding an expectation (for yourself or others) Behaving in accordance with that expectation The expectation comes to pass Reinforcing the original expectation

Communication and the Self The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and Communication Types of self-fulfilling prophecies Self-imposed prophecies Prophecies imposed by others Shown to be powerful force for shaping self-concept and thus behavior Observer must do more than believe, must communicate belief

Communication as Identity Management Public and Private Selves Identity management Communication strategies people use to influence how others view them Perceived self A reflection of the self concept Presenting self The way we want others to view us Facework

Communication as Identity Management Characteristics of Identity Management We strive to construct multiple identities Identity management is collaborative Identity management can be deliberate or unconscious

Communication as Identity Management Manage Identities? Start and manage relationships Gain compliance of others Save the face of others Explore new selves

Communication as Identity Management Managing Identities in Person and Online Face-to-face identity management Managed in three ways Manner Words and nonverbal actions Setting Physical items we use to influence others Appearance Personal items we use to shape image

Communication as Identity Management Managing Identities in Person and Online Online impression management What is missing in online communication can be an advantage Gives us more control over managing impressions Allows strangers to change age, etc. Viewing online presence as neutral third party can be valuable exercise Reputation management Social media and identity - Facebook, Twitter, Instgram…

Communication as Identity Management Identity Management and Honesty Managing impressions doesn’t make you a liar Each of us has a repertoire of faces Being a competent communicator is choosing best face for the situation

Self-Disclosure in Relationships Process of deliberately revealing information about oneself Must be deliberate Must be significant Not known by others

Self-Disclosure in Relationships Models of Self-Disclosure Altman and Taylor – social penetration Breadth of information being volunteered Depth of information volunteered Depending on breadth and depth, relationship can be casual or intimate Measuring depth Some revelations more significant

Self-Disclosure in Relationships A Model of Self-Disclosure Johari Window – developed in 1970 by sociologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham.

Self-Disclosure in Relationships Models of Self-Disclosure Luft and Ingham – Johari Window Part I Open area Part II Blind area Part III Hidden area Part IV Unknown area

Self-Disclosure in Relationships Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure Benefits Catharsis Getting something off your chest Reciprocity Self-disclosure usually begets another There is no guarantee that disclosure will be reciprocal Self-Clarification Used to clarify your beliefs, opinions, thoughts Can occur with hairdressers, bartenders or close friends

Self-Disclosure in Relationships Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure Benefits Self-Validation Disclosing information with the hope of obtaining the listener’s approval Identity Management Sometimes we reveal personal information to make ourselves more attractive Relationship Maintenance and Enhancement There is a strong relationship between the quality of self-disclosure and marital satisfaction

Self-Disclosure in Relationships Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure Benefits Social Influence Revealing personal information may increase your control over the other person and sometimes over the situation The strongest factor in why we disclose seems to be how well we know the other person With strangers, reciprocity becomes the most common reason for disclosing

Self-Disclosure in Relationships Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure Risks Rejection A: “I’m starting to think of you as more than a friend. To tell the truth, I love you.” B: “I think we should stop seeing one another.” Negative Impression A: “I’ve been thinking that we should get another dog.” B: “To tell you the truth, I really don’t like dogs. I haven’t said so before because I know how much you love them.”

Self-Disclosure in Relationships Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure Risks Decrease in Relational Satisfaction A: “I need to tell you something. I really don’t like it when you want to cuddle so much.” B: “But I want to be close to you. . . “ Loss of Influence A: “I’d like to give you the weekend off, but to tell you the truth, I don’t get to make any judgment calls around here. My boss makes all the decisions.” B: “ I guess I know who to ask if I want anything done.”

Self-Disclosure in Relationships Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure Risks Hurting the Other Person A: “I’m so ugly! I can’t think of anything that will change the way I look.” B: “Neither can I.”

Self-Disclosure in Relationships Guidelines for Self-Disclosure Do you have a moral obligation to disclose? Is the other person important to you? Are the amount and type of disclosures appropriate? Is the risk of disclosing reasonable? Is the disclosure relevant to the situation? Will the effect be constructive? Is the self-disclosure clear and understandable? Is the self-disclosure reciprocated?

Alternatives to Self-Disclosure Silence Lying To save face To avoid tension or conflict To guide social interaction To expand or reduce relationships To gain power

Alternatives to Self-Disclosure Equivocating Language that has two or more equally plausible meanings A lazy worker: “You will be lucky to get this person to work for you.” A person with no talent: “I recommend this candidate with no qualifications.” A candidate who should not be hired: “Waste no time hiring this person.”

Alternatives to Self-Disclosure Hinting A hint aims to get a desired response Direct Statement “I’m too busy to continue with this conversation.” Face-Saving Hint “I know you’re busy; I better let you go.” “Please don’t smoke in here because it’s bothering me.” “I’m pretty sure that smoking isn’t permitted here.”

Alternatives to Self-Disclosure The Ethics of Evasion Times when we are not likely to challenge statements that we know are untrue: When we expect the other to tell a fib When the lie is mutually advantageous When a lie helps us avoid embarrassment When the lie helps us avoid confronting an unpleasant truth When we have asked the other person to lie

Videos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM-gZintWDc&feature=player_detailpage#t=13 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_whvdxVSQSc&feature=player_detailpage#t=43

Discussion Questions What do you perceive to be the relational pros and cons of communicating with another through computer-mediated communication? Face-to-Face? What do you envision to be the future of interpersonal relationships as we continue to develop our reliance on technology to communicate with one another?

Discussion Questions How do you notice reciprocity of self-disclosure at work in your relationship? What level of self-disclosure is appropriate in this relationship versus others? What should we do when others are disclosing inappropriately to us?