The Forgotten Ones: Families of Our Military Heroes Laurie A. Reid, LMFT, CAP Breaking the Cycle Consulting, Inc. breakingthecycle@contractor.net This product is supported by Florida Department of Children and Families Substance Abuse and Mental Health Program Office funding.

Objectives and Goals: Learn the deployment cycle phases and the psychological risks to family relationships within each phase. Understand the sacrifices our children, adolescents and spouses make and how it affects their overall well-being. Learn from firsthand stories the impact of deployment and the psychological stresses that poses risks to family relationships. Identify strategies and supportive resources for working with military families.

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Military Family Statistics: Marital Status. In 2011, a majority (69.6%) of officers and over half (54.0%) of enlisted personnel report themselves as married. Just over half (56.6%) of Active Duty military members are married. In addition, 6.5 percent of DoD’s Active Duty members are in dual-military marriages. A small percentage of officers (2.1%) and enlisted personnel (4.1%) are estimated to have divorced during the 2011 fiscal year. Age. Selected Reserve Officers: Slightly less than half (48.9%) are 41 years of age or older 36 to 40 year-olds (18.6%), 31 to 35 year-olds (15.4%), 26 to 30 year-olds (12.5%), those 25 years old or younger (4.6%) Selected Reserve Enlisted: More than one third (38.6%) are 25 years old or younger 26 to 30 year-olds (20.1%), 31 to 35 years old (12.3%), and those 36 to 40 years old (10.0%), 41 years old or older (19.0%). Family Members: There are 2,259,359 military personnel and 3,130,808 family members and 1,985,471 total military children. The largest percentage are between birth and 5 years of age (37.4%), followed by 6 to 11 years of age (30.3%), and 12 to 18 years of age (25.1%). Fewer children are between 19 and 22 years of age (7.1%). Thanks to Military OneSource Reports 2011 Demographics Profile of the Military Community http://www.militaryonesource.mil/12038/MOS/Reports/2011_Demographics_Report.pdf

Deployment Cycle Phases: Pre-Deployment Phase: (6-8 weeks prior to deployment) Deployment Phase: (during deployment) Reunion Phase: (1-6 weeks prior to return home) Post Deployment Phase: (1-6 weeks post reunion) Thanks to www.military.com and www.army.mil for information on deployment phases

Military Families Struggle with the War at Home By Karla Murthy September 8, 2011 Need to Know is a production of Creative News Group (CNG) in association with WNET. Marc Rosenwasser is Executive Producer. Need to Know is made possible by Bernard and Irene Schwartz, Mutual of America, Citi Foundation, John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, Miriam and Ira D. Wallach Foundation, Margaret A. Cargill Foundation, The Corporation for Public Broadcasting and PBS.

Pre-Deployment Phase: Train-up / Preparation Units reorganize (come together) and begin to enter the traditional training cycle. Individual and collective training and readiness activities drive this stage. During this stage, tasks consist of personnel administrative actions, briefings, training, counseling, and medical evaluations. Mobilization Units and individuals are alerted for possible deployment and undergo preparation. During this stage, tasks consists of administrative actions, briefings, training, counseling, and medical evaluations. Backing up and preparing to move out. Psychological Risks: Feelings vary and include fear, anger, denial, resentment, excitement and guilt. Calm Before the Storm-Increase Anxiety We Have Time-Denial How will I handle being alone?-Fear Battlefield Mind-Numbness and Pulling away to Protect Within this stage emotions can vary between ‘I’ll never let you go’ to ‘I hate you for doing this to me’.

Deployment Phase: Deployment Units and individuals deploy from their installations into the designated theater. Employment During the employment stage, units or individuals perform their assigned mission for a prescribed period of time. This stage departing theater on emergency leave, R&R, and medical evacuation. Reminder: The military person may not choose to come home. Psychological Risks: Feelings range from relief to abandonment. Single Parent Syndrome-Resentment, Relief to HELP!-Stress, tired and overwhelmed-lack of sleep, distributive sleep (nightmares) Super Hero-’I Can Do It All’- Not reaching out for help Obsessive Compulsive Behaviors-watching news, fear of spouse death & spending excessively, increased busyness Social Media Woes-What not to say while your spouse is at war (give example) School Performance and Behaviors-Bullying, anger, fear and depression ‘Perfection’& ‘Emotional Dump Time’ - need to get everything ‘out’ during R&R Skeletons in the Closet Show Up – Infidelity (give example) Reactions fluctuate from “I’m fine” to “I’m losing it!”

Post-Deployment Phase: Reunion Gearing up for the “Welcome Home” party Unit alerted of departure date Post-Deployment and Reconstitution Personnel, equipment, and materials arrive at home station The post-deployment stage consists of administrative actions, briefings, training, counseling, and medical evaluations to facilitate the successful reintegration within the community. Reintegrating into their families, communities, and civilian jobs. Psychological Risks: Feelings of elations, joy and disappointment I Don’t Know What to Expect – spouse was injured and now I’m a caretaker I forgot to do _____! – unmet expectation, disappointments I’m busy he/she is coming home!- cleaning, organizing all the ‘little forgotten’ things Re-distribution of responsibilities-role confusion for the children and role renegotiating for the couple-communication, communication, communication! Return of Sexual Intimacy-ED problems (give example) Most often this is the phase most families will reach out for counseling.

Redeployment Phase: Redeployment Units and individuals are re-activated for in-theater; transfer forces and material. The redeployment stage continues the process of reintegrating into their pre-deployment environments. Redeployment stage mimics the pre-deployment stage with tasks departing for theater again. Psychological Risks: Feelings of intense anger, resentment and fear emerge along with all the other feelings from the first deployment return Here we go again!-Ugh ‘This Time My Spouse Will Not Return Home-death Reactions range from feelings of intense anger and resentment “How could you do this to us again” to emotional numbness “I’m use to this”.

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Objectives and Goals: Learn the deployment cycle phases and the psychological risks to family relationships within each phase. Understand the sacrifices our children, adolescents and spouses make and how it affects their overall well-being. Learn from firsthand stories the impact of deployment and the psychological stresses that poses risks to family relationships. Identify strategies and supportive resources for working with military families.

Thank you for your sacrifices and service to our country. Narrative Stories Thank you for your sacrifices and service to our country.

Break for Lunch

Objectives and Goals: Learn the deployment cycle phases and the psychological risks to family relationships within each phase. Understand the sacrifices our children, adolescents and spouses make and how it affects their overall well-being. Learn from firsthand stories the impact of deployment and the psychological stresses that poses risks to family relationships. Identify strategies and supportive resources for working with military families.

What resources are you already familiar with ?

Military Family Resources: MilitaryKidsConnect (MKC) is an online community of military children (ages 6-17 yr old) that provides access to age-appropriate resources to support children from pre-deployment, through a parent's or caregiver's return. https://www.militarykidsconnect.org/ Our Military Kids provides tangible support to the children of deployed and severely injured National Guard and Military Reserve personnel through grants for sports, fine arts and tutoring that nurture and sustain the children during the time a parent is away in service to our country. http://www.ourmilitarykids.org/ The Real Warriors Campaign was launched by the Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury (DCoE) in 2009, the campaign is an integral part of the Defense Department’s overall effort to encourage warriors and families to seek appropriate care and support for psychological health concerns. http://www.realwarriors.net/ The National Military Family Association is the leading non-profit organization focusing on issues important to military families. We believe that all military families deserve comprehensive child care, accessible health care, spouse employment options, great schools, caring communities, a secure retirement, and support for widows and widowers. http://www.militaryfamily.org/ Military Families United is a national coalition of Gold Star and Blue Star families, veterans and patriotic Americans whose mission is to Honor the Fallen, Support Those Who Fight, and Serve Their Families. http://militaryfamiliesunited.org/ Blue Star Families was formed in December 2008 by a group of military spouses to raise the awareness of the challenges of military family life with our civilian communities and leaders. Blue Star Families includes spouses and families from all services and all walks of life, including National Guard and Reserve, as well as veterans and civilians who strongly support us. http://www.bluestarfam.org/about

Military Family Resources: SAMHSA-supports America’s service men and women—Active Duty, National Guard, Reserve, and Veteran—together with their families and communities by leading efforts to ensure that needed behavioral health services are accessible and that outcomes are positive. http://www.samhsa.gov/MilitaryFamilies/ Military OneSource is a Department of Defense-funded program providing comprehensive information on every aspect of military life at no cost to active duty, Guard and reserve service members, and their families. http://www.militaryonesource.mil/ Sesame Street provides much-needed support and practical education with Talk, Listen, Connect, a multiphase outreach initiative to help kids through deployments, combat-related injuries, and the death of a loved one. http://www.sesameworkshop.org/what-we-do/our-initiatives/military-families.html The National Child Traumatic Stress Network is dedicated to providing state-of-the-art training to enhance the quality of clinical assessment, treatment, and services for traumatized children, adolescents, their families, and communities. http://www.nctsnet.org/resources/topics/military-children-and-families Military.com began in 1999 to revolutionize the way the 30 million Americans with military affinity stay connected and informed. Today, we're the largest military and veteran membership organization — 10 million members strong. It even has a section tailored to Military Spouses. http://www.military.com/ Camaraderie Foundation’s mission is to provide healing for invisible wounds of war through counseling, emotional, and spiritual support for all branches of military service members, veterans and their families. http://www.camaraderiefoundation.com/

Group Activity

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Breaking the Cycle Consulting, Inc. Thank you! Laurie A. Reid, LMFT, CAP Breaking the Cycle Consulting, Inc. breakingthecycle@contractor.net