Going from Bystander to “Upstander”: Helping Your Child to Deal with Issues of Bullying and Harassment South Brunswick Parent Academy January 26, 2009 7-8:30 pm Crossroads North Cafeteria A

Goals How to recognize bullying. Identify strategies to empower your child to handle bullying and cyber bullying. Share how South Brunswick Schools address the issues of bullying. Apply strategies to handle bullying.

Clip art licensed from the Clip Art Gallery on DiscoverySchool.com

unfairly and repeatedly What is Bullying? Bullying happens… whenever someone uses his or her power unfairly and repeatedly to hurt someone.

What is Cyber Bullying Cyber bullying is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or other wise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones. Cyber bullying by proxy: using others to help cyber bully the victim, either with or without the accomplice’s knowledge. http//www.stopcyberbullying.org

What are the types of bullying? Physical Social Verbal Electronic

Where Does Cyber Bullying Occur? E-mail, cell phones, text messaging devices, interactive games, instant messages, password and ID theft or cyber-bashing websites, blogs, social networking sites, chat rooms… It is EVERYWHERE….. He said he’s afraid to go home because that’s where the computer is…. Victims can be harassed anywhere anytime!

Who are the players in bullying? The bully The victim/target The bystander The upstander

Why bullies bully? Provides a feeling of excitement from the reaction of the targeted victim. Thrive on feelings of dominance and power. Possess low levels of empathy and compassion. Have an inflated sense of self-worth.

Why electronic bullying? Quick and easy! It is impersonal. Bully does not see the reaction of the victim. Bully can remain anonymous. Loser!

If You Think Your Child May Be a Bully… Set limits and enforce consistent consequences. Encourage your child to take responsibility for his or her action. Spend time together. Model and practice respect and empathy.

If You Think Your Child May Be a Bully… Keep an eye on your child’s media use. Encourage your child to get involved. Utilize available counseling services. 12

The Targeted Student May… Have been teased by other students and had an extreme reaction. Be overly sensitive and show it. Depend on adults for emotional support more than most their age. Rarely report incidents of bullying. Not believe adults can help.

Sometimes the victim is bullied Keep in mind… Sometimes the victim is bullied for no apparent reason.

If You Think Your Child May Be a Target/Victim of Bullying… Focus on your child. Keep a log of the events with the help of your child. Discourage retaliation. Contact the school administration/counseling services. Discuss appropriate emotional reactions and self control. Encourage your child to get involved. Reinforce strategies taught in school.

What Parents Can Do Electronic Bullying Remind: Keep passwords a secret from everyone (except you). Trust your child and do not “blame the victim.” Keep a record of electronic bullying incidents. If the electronic bullying involves threats and harassment or frequent cyber-attacks, call the police to ensure your child’s safety

What Parents Can Do Remember that cyber bullying incidents sometimes end violently. Stop cyber bullying as soon as possible!

A person who is present but not involved. The Bystander DEFINITION: A person who is present but not involved. Make up approximately 85% of a school population ~ “the silent majority”. Most ignored and underused resources in the schools. Become desensitized over time (diminished empathy).

The Upstander DEFINITION: A person who is not engaged in the wrongful act, but steps in to ensure the right action occurs. A person who assists the victim with their emotions, feelings and possible actions to address the bullying. Upstanders can make a difference! They can break the cycle of bullying.

How can you support your child to be an Upstander?

How to help your child become an Upstander… Encourage empathy. Talk to your child about what to do if they see bullying. Role play scenarios with your child using these strategies. Normalize fears and worries.

How to help your child become an Upstander… Emphasize strength in numbers. Communicate the expectation to take action. Teach skills and strategies to take a stand. Notice and acknowledge caring behaviors.

Parents, Teachers, Counselors and Administrators Character Education Approach Student Handbook Bullying and Harassment Policy

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou

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Contact Information Amy Bertelsen-Robles, Indian Fields Amy.Bertelsen-Robles@sbschools.org Judy McCormick, Cambridge Judy.McCormick@sbschools.org Victoria Moses, Crossroads North Victoria.Moses@sbschools.org Deborah Robey, Crossroads North Deborah.Robey@sbschools.org Ann Jahr, Staff Developer for Technology Ann.Jahr@sbschools.org Nicole Pormilli, District Project Specialist Nicole.Pormilli@sbschools.org