Final Wishes Planning in North Dakota A funeral is a time to say goodbye, but it’s also an opportunity to celebrate the life of someone special! At some point in our lives, we most likely will make or assist in making funeral arrangements for a loved one. This can mean making a great number of decisions at a very difficult and emotional time. To avoid having our loved ones burdened by making many difficult decisions while under emotional stress, we can do a number of organizing details ahead of time. This presentation offers some ideas for how you can go about making some decisions in advance, but not necessarily paying for them in advance. By doing some preplanning activities, we also can ensure our funeral will be exactly what we wish it to be.

Funerals Today Huge business; complex Expensive Communicate your wishes Decisions made in a time of reduced capacity Each year, Americans spend billions of dollars arranging more than 2 million funerals for family members and friends. In fact, for many Americans, a funeral often is the third highest single-item purchase expense, following a family home and vehicle. A funeral is one of the most expensive purchases a consumer ever will make. A traditional funeral, including a casket and vault, costs about $6,000 to 8,000. Extras, such as flowers, obituary notices, acknowledgment cards, plot marker, etc., can add thousands of dollars, so many funerals today run more than $10,000. The average cost of a traditional funeral in Fargo is $10,000. Putting your preferences in writing; giving copies to family members, your attorney and your funeral home; and keeping a copy in a handy place at home is a good idea. Don’t designate your preferences in your will because a will often is not found or read until after the funeral. Also, do not put the only copy of your preferences in a safety deposit box, as your family may have to make arrangements during a weekend or holiday, before the box can be opened. Keep all important papers at home in a secure place where they can be accessed easily. Death doesn’t always occur from 9 to 5 on Wednesdays. Also, upon death, these boxes are sealed. They are opened only to those whose name appears on the contract. Preplanning relieves your survivors from the stress of making difficult decisions under the pressure of time and strong emotions. It also allows them to make informed and thoughtful decisions about funeral arrangements, such as type of funeral. where you are to be buried, music, flowers, eulogy, pallbearers and cultural traditions. Handouts: Distribute copies of My Last Wishes and Ten Freedoms for Creating Meaningful Funeral Ceremonies (optional) for preplanning one’s own funeral arrangements. Read/discuss handouts if time permits.

Funerals Today Preplanning vs. prepaying Revisit decisions The trend toward pre-need planning - making funeral arrangements in advance - is increasing. Why preplan a funeral? Consumers want to compare prices and services, and it permits a funeral to be a wise and well-informed purchasing decision, as well as a meaningful one. Look at it as an extension of will and estate planning. Some people may decide not only to prearrange their funerals, but also to prepay some or all of the expenses involved. Preplanning + Prefunding = Prearrangement. Preplanning for your own funeral involves: comparing prices; discussing plans/leaving instructions with family and funeral home; making decisions about funeral and burial goods and services that do not require payment in advance. Prepaying for funerals and burials involves: entering into a pre-need agreement or contract to pay in advance for goods and services you will receive upon death. A third party, trustee, bank or insurance company assumes responsibility for the management of the funds. Keep in mind that through time, with prepayment, prices may go up and businesses may close or change ownership. Further, in some areas with increased competition, prices may go down through time. Three options available: 1) Bank account (certificate of deposit, etc.); 2) Trust account; 3) Insurance policy (many prefer this because of cost increase due to inflation and no tax on interest earned). Money you assign will be protected by the FDIC or the insurance commission. You do not give the money directly to the funeral home to deposit into its account. Funds must be made transferable to the funeral home of your choice and you will receive 100 percent of what you deposited, plus interest at the time of need. You should not expect a guarantee from the funeral home that all expenses will be covered by prepayment with the passage of time as prices increase. Setting aside funds in a safe place to help defray the funeral expenses, such as the three options suggested here, still is very important. This will permit at least a part of the funeral cost to be covered; sometimes it may end up being the exact cost of the funeral, and sometimes money may be left. You must consider that at the time of the funeral, family members may request more services and features than had originally been planned and what was set aside for, so funeral homes cannot “guarantee” that all expenses will be covered. Further, prices tend to increase for items such as flowers, organists, soloists, etc., through time. Compare prices of services and items offered by several funeral providers. Reviewing and revising your decisions every few years, and making sure your family is aware of your wishes, is a good idea. Handouts (optional): Distribute copies of the handouts Prices to Check in Planning a Funeral, Planning a Funeral and Terms Associated with Funerals and Burials, or direct participants to Final Wishes Web site for more information.

What kind of funeral do you want? Traditional, full-service funeral Nontraditional or memorial service Cremation alternatives Bequeathing service Veterans funeral Masonic funeral Direct burial For a traditional funeral service, the body is present. A traditional funeral service usually includes the following: a prayer service, visitation and funeral followed by burial or entombment; a funeral service with cremation following the service; or graveside services. A nontraditional service includes anything that deviates from the traditional service, and may include a nonreligious ceremony, memorial service or another type of celebration. A memorial service indicates the body is not present. Cremation alternatives include a traditional funeral service with cremation following the service, funeral home chapel/church memorial service without the body present at the service, or direct cremation. With cremation, next of kin must sign for cremation to take place (cremation authorization form). Bequeathing services often are available when a human body is willed, bequeathed, deeded or donated to a medical school. In North Dakota, this is the University of North Dakota School of Medicine and Health Sciences. You can include this designation on your drivers license in North Dakota. A veterans funeral usually can be requested at most funeral homes, and may include special services (presentation of flag, honor guard, gun salute). A family may choose to have rites at a funeral service that would include a person’s membership in a Masonic lodge. A direct, or immediate, burial is available as an alternative to a traditional funeral service. This involves initial transfer of the deceased from place of death to the funeral home, transportation of the deceased to the cemetery, and basic services of the funeral director and staff.

Choosing a Funeral Provider Comparison shop “Fit” of services provided Ask for recommendations Licensed director Local ownership Visit several funeral homes and cemeteries to comparison shop, preferably before the need arises. When comparing prices, consider total cost of all items together, in addition to costs of single items. Determine if the facility, atmosphere and staff suit your family (can’t just consider price). Can service be personalized and your wishes accommodated? Ask others who have used funeral services in the past. Select a funeral director who is licensed and has a good reputation in the community. Ask if funeral home is locally owned (if this is important to you). In choosing a funeral provider in North Dakota, often the prices are fairly close to each other. Getting to know the funeral home is important. Consider things such as: 1) This is who will care for my (wife, father, etc.); 2) Do I feel comfortable with this funeral provider? 3) Do I feel good about the staff’s morality? 4) Am I being treated respectfully? 5) Is this funeral provider professional, yet caring? Money is part of one’s decision in funeral providers, but it shouldn’t be the only factor. We are entrusting that funeral provider to take care of our loved one, as well as the immediate family, during this difficult time. Comment: The Final Wishes Planning in North Dakota Web site has a list of more than 100 morticians that can be downloaded.

When a Loved One Dies Away From Home Contact funeral home in North Dakota that will be making the arrangements In states such as North Dakota, where a large number of older snowbirds leave for the Sunbelt to escape the cold winter months, families need to consider what should be done if an older loved one were to die while away from home. Funeral homes provide “professional courtesies” to other funeral homes out of state, so contact the funeral home in the state where the funeral service will be held. Dying away from home is referred to in the funeral industry as “ship outs.”

Medical Assistance and Funeral Prefunding in North Dakota A person receiving Medical Assistance in North Dakota is permitted to set aside up to $5,000 for funeral/burial expenses. It is called a “designation.” Source: North Dakota Legislature, 2005 (HB1181).

Funeral homes must provide itemized prices for certain products and services They include direct cremation; immediate burial; basic services of funeral director and staff, and overhead; transfer of remains to the home; forwarding of remains to another home; receiving remains from another home; embalming; other preparation of the body; use of facilities and staff for viewing; use of facilities and staff for funeral ceremony; use of facilities and staff for memorial service; use of equipment and staff for graveside service; hearse; limousine; either individual casket prices or range of casket prices that can be found. Source: Federal Trade Commission, 1984. North Dakota rules require all products and services to be itemized individually. However, funeral homes in North Dakota also can offer packages at a discount. In Minnesota, however, all products and services must be itemized individually.

Pre-need Planning Includes Making Decisions About: Where the remains will go Cemetery plot Another important consideration when preplanning a funeral is where the remains will be buried, entombed or scattered. In the short time between the death and burial of a loved one, many family members find themselves running to buy a cemetery plot or grave, often without careful thought or a personal visit to the site. That’s why buying cemetery plots before you need them is in the family’s best interests. Optional: Leader can use the following materials from the Final Wishes Web site for discussion, or suggest as additional reading for those interested: Cremation Information, Crematories in North Dakota, Family Funeral Plots and/or Indigent Burials in North Dakota Discussion: Does anyone have any experiences to share about purchasing a cemetery plot or making cemetery arrangements? Cremation/scattering of ashes? Family funeral plots?

Pre-need Planning Can Include Writing Your Own Obituary Question: Why would a person want to write his or her own obituary before he or she dies? Family members are dealing with grief, and the job may be delegated to someone outside family who does not know you. Family members don’t remember specific dates (employment, retirement, previous deaths). Family members don’t always know your membership in organizations or community groups. Your family may not know your favorite charity. You know best what’s important to include and what is not. Handout: Distribute copies of the handout Writing My Obituary. If time permits, participants may work on writing their own obituary. Discussion (optional): Leader can ask if anyone has had to write an obituary for a loved one. Ask if they had all the details they needed, or if it was difficult to write. Allow time for discussion or questions about writing an obituary.

Consider “Tributes to a Loved One” Funeral or memorial service After the service Other ideas? As part of preplanning one’s own funeral, include information on anything special you would like included at your funeral or memorial service: video tributes - very popular right now; a picture board; a display of items used for a favorite hobby; a display of uniform/equipment. We may not have a lot of control over how we are remembered by others after we are gone, but we can ask that in lieu of flowers, memorials are preferred to a specific organization or for the funeral service, or a donation of money or time be made to our favorite charity or cause. Here are some ideas for paying tribute to a loved one after the service (often people like to do this on the anniversary of their death, their birthday, etc.): create a memory box with their favorite items; donate a gift of money or time to their favorite charity; or plant a tree or rose bush in their memory. Handout: Distribute Tributes to a Loved One for more ideas. Discussion: Ask participants if they’ve heard of or used other tributes to honor a person’s memory.

Dealing with Grief We each grieve in our own individual way. How we handle the loss of a loved one depends on our background, how the person died, how close we were to the person, our age and many other factors. A number of community resources and support groups, and online literature and support groups, as well as books, might be of assistance as we go through this difficult time. “Grief is universal. At the same time it is extremely personal,” by Earl A. Grollman. Handout: Provide a copy of the handout Grief Information and Support Groups. Point out the Web site addresses listed for the various support groups. Leader also can provide information on any grief support groups available in their community or area. Question: Presenter can ask audience members if they have had any experience with any of the groups mentioned on the handout, or known anyone else who has used them.

Final Wishes Planning in North Dakota www.ag.ndsu.edu/money/finalwishes/ finalwishes.htm A site for consumers and professionals Links to current and up-to-date, fact-based resources to aid in making positive decisions So, today we discussed several issues related to final wishes planning in North Dakota, including burials, cremation, advance directives, comparison shopping for funeral arrangements and writing your own obituary. For even more information on funeral planning in North Dakota, go to our Web site (refer to slide).