IMPROVING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Managing Emotions Dr Dinesh Pant

What makes a manager (leader) successful? Much of managerial success / failure is due to the outside forces. (depends on environmental forces) Managers are personally responsible for his / her success or failure. (depends on managerial skills) - Technical / Human / Conceptual skills

Need for multiple competencies (intelligence) Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Moral Intelligence (MQ) Spiritual Intelligence (SQ)

What is Emotion ? A movement in our state of mind; …moved or excited state of mind! Any kind of feeling - May manifest in many forms, e.g., love, fear, anger, excitement, embarrassment, etc. - Both expressed or suppressed! - Argued to be both psychological and biological or physiological!

Emotional intelligence “One's ability to manage emotions in self and others and use the emotions adaptively” (Theorized first by Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990 and then operationalised and popularized by Daniel Goleman in late Nineties through the best selling books …. Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ (1995) and Working with Emotional Intelligence (1998). 

Applied Emotional Intelligence AppliedEI is a combination of skills, attitudes and habits that enhances superior performance, both in life as a whole and at work. EI is made up of three parts: Intrapersonal Intelligence: from a foundation of Self Regard - Self Awareness + Self Management. Interpersonal Intelligence: from a foundation of Regard for Others: Others’ Awareness and Relationship Management). Situational Intelligence: from a foundation of Healthy Optimism; Situation Awareness + Situation Management.

Improving EQ in its Five Dimensions Creating self-awareness (knowing one’s own emotions) Regulating or managing emotions (managing feelings to behave according to the needs) Motivating “self” (self-motivation) Understanding emotions in others (empathy) Handling relations with others Has expanded in many other forms, e.g., expression of / access to emotion, etc.

Uses of EQ in organization Taking leadership or having leadership influences Resolving interpersonal conflicts Developing team spirit / promoting cooperation Creating a positive work culture (where service users and staff feel safe, trusted, included, respected, valued, cared) Promoting people (also service users) relationships (making people feel heard, helped, served, respected) Dealing with situational pressures (uncertainty, irrationality, injustice, inconsistence) with tolerance and optimism Dealing with people resorting to agitation / aggression Building positive mindsets (positive belief, optimism, desire, thinking, feeling, coping with cynicism, etc.) Improving productivity (with cooperation, collaboration, etc. )

Can we manage emotion? Emotions (like anger, love, fear, guilt, stress, etc.) are natural, spontaneous human manifestation But, You can learn to choose what or how you want to feel Too much - Over-regulation? Too little - Under-regulation? Balancing is desirable!

IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS Self-Assessment Exercise Common Demands Rating Scale Below are some common demands people make. We call them the "Dirty Dozen" On a scale from 1-5, rate how these beliefs apply to you. 1. Very Seldom applies to me 2. Seldom applies to me 3. Sometimes applies to me 4. Often applies to me 5. Very often applies to me (Note: You may want to photocopy this scale, fill it out, and place it in your notebook for future reference.) I must be perfect and never make a mistake. I should always be in control. I must succeed. I can't stand failure I should please and gain approval. Rejection is horrible. I am a victim of my past or present circumstances and therefore am doomed to suffer. Life must be fair People should give me my own way. Some groups or people are inferior. ("All of them are ...." "They should keep their place." Or, "They should not exist.") I must be right. I must win: failure is unbearable. Others should appreciate the things I do for them Life should be easy. --------- --------

Incident 1 You have been ignored for a promotion by the management for which you were eligible. Moreover, one of your juniors has been promoted. You are upset and feel frustrated. What do you do? Talk it over with your boss and ask for reconsideration of the management's decision. Start abusing the colleague who superseded you. Move to court and obtain a stay order to get justice. Identify your shortcomings and try to improve your performance.

Incident 2 A freshly recruited professional graduate joins your organization as a new staff. After a few weeks, she complains to you that her superiors and subordinates were not taking her seriously. What will you suggest to her? Ask her to handle the situation herself and not bother you with trivial matters. Tell her that such behavior should be ignored. Ask her to be bold, face the challenge and overcome the problem. Empathize with her and help her find out ways to get others to work with her.

Incident 3 At the workplace, due to some misunderstanding, your colleague stops talking to you. You are convinced that it was no fault of yours. How will you react? Wait till he comes and starts talking again. Take the initiative, go forward and start talking to them. Let things take his own time to improve. Ask someone to mediate.

Incident 4 You get into an argument with your colleague in the course of which you end up personally attacking him/her. However, you never intended to tarnish the image of your colleague. How will you tackle this ugly situation? Sit calm and consider what triggered off the argument and was it possible to control your anger at that point of time. Avoid future arguments and leave the scene. Apologize to your colleague. Continue with the argument till you reach some definite conclusion.

Behavioral Guidelines for Managing (Regulating) Emotions: - Defer judgment; stop impulses - Park the problems; detach yourself - Be flexible; go with the flow: do not force - Manage your non-verbal communication Emotionally stable person is often happy!

Regulating specific emotions Anger Stress (anxiety) Hurt Guilt Love (affection) Fear (shyness) Joy

ANGER: A Self-Assessment Exercise Anger Provocation Scale We all have "anger buttons" or triggers – things that happen to which we give an angry response. Below, several situations with the potential for stimulating anger are described. On a scale of 0-5, rate the level of provocation each situation has for you. 0. Does not provoke my anger 1. Very seldom provokes my anger 2. Seldom provokes my anger 3. Sometimes provokes my anger 4. Often provokes my anger 5. Very often provokes my anger When I find things are unfair. Being interrupted when I'm busy When I am frightened. When I am anxious. When things don't happen when I want them to When people don't do what I think they should do When I don't live up to my own expectations When things don't work the way I think they should. When I'm in hurry. When I'm under stress. When I think I've been betrayed. When I feel cornered. When I make a mistake. When I'm tired. When I feel guilty --------- --------

Knowing your “anger” state Subject-matter (source / triggers) Frequency Intensity Duration Type of expression

Strategies for managing “Anger” Keep rating your anger Manage your stress level self-talk phrases (e.g., take it easy, relax, stay cool, maintain mutual respect, work for win-win, etc.) Use your sense of humor Develop empathy to other’s concern Pay attention to your body language Get rid of the past impression of …. Develop a “list of things to do when I am angry” Express anger properly, if necessary

Guidelines for expressing anger Make sure that anger: is directed at the right person satisfies your need to regain control and seek justice promotes a change in behavior or gives you new information about the person’s behavior has meaning to the other person encourages cooperation rather than retaliation

Guidelines for managing “Hurt” Engaging in physical exercises Recalling past successes Modeling: studying people who appear to be effective in managing emotions Interviewing with someone you admire / trust Self-coaching, e.g., “Stay calm!”, “Take it easy”, “You can do it”, “This too will pass”, “Let go, let God!” Using reminders and signals Distracting yourself

Guidelines for managing “guilt” Excuse yourself for acting inappropriately Avoid belief like I must be perfect, I must be right, I must please others Show superiority Express good intentions Motivate for positive change

Guidelines for managing “Joy” Accepting and affirming Building courage Going for it – flowing with others Making humor /making laughter Promoting self-esteem and social interest Valuing (developing your own value aided by self admiration) Getting joy back in your life (like changing TV channel)

Happiness Live with integrity (being in line with your values, beliefs ....) Live in the moment (enjoying the present …stop worrying about…) Express gratitude (for the things you have ……) Work in way that satisfies you Enjoy harmony (being in peace with yourself and the world around) Do not self-criticize Avoid being afraid of changes Enjoy simple things – Not living life to other’s expectations Giving back to other (+ sharing with other..) Do not take life too seriously "Everything is okay in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end."