“Anyone can become angry – that is easy “Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, and in the right way, that is not easy.” Aristotle 350 BC

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence …is understanding emotions and emotional knowledge, to regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth. Mayer & Salovey, 1997

Simply defined… Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to use emotions effectively and productively.

Emotional Intelligence is not… Being nice all of the time. Acting as the “yes” person. Striving to be a people pleaser. Being selfless and self-sacrificing. Emotional Intelligence is … Choosing your thoughts, words and actions consciously and deliberately with noble intentions in mind.

Two points for discussion: What are emotions? Why is Emotional intelligence important?

Health warning: Emotions can Emotions Defined Emotions are a feedback system that drive behaviour and decisions. Emotions are primal (fight/flee/freeze). Emotions are universal. Emotions are neither good nor bad. There are over 8000 words in the English language to describe emotions. Health warning: Emotions can be contagious!

Emotions, Brains and Patterns Our brains like to form patterns. Some patterns are learned quickly - it only takes 1/100 of a millisecond for your brain to learn a new pattern - touch a hot stove. Patterns become ingrained, and when you are in distress, these patterns dictate your behaviour - unfortunately, when you need to make careful decisions, you are least likely to.

Our Brain (at a glance) When senses enter the brain, they go to the thalamus (the thalamus acts like an air traffic controller and sends the information to the right place – generally to the cortex where higher order thinking is exercised). Sometimes, the thalamus determines that the information requires a more rapid response and sends the impulse directly to the amygdale (limbic brain - responsible for processing emotion). This can lead to a high stake pattern referred to as “Emotional High-jacking”. Can you think of an instance when this would be beneficial?

Reacting without consulting the cortex (higher order thinking). Can you spot the moment when emotional high-jacking happened? Have you ever experienced an emotional high-jacking?

Using the six second rule This is one technique used to prevent emotional high-jacking. Count to 10 in another language Recite your favourite quote. Rehearse parts of a song backwards. Count how many consonants/vowels are in a word. Techniques should change periodically. Can you think of any other techniques?

Why is Emotional Intelligence Important? Research shows that emotional intelligence is strongly linked to students staying in school, avoiding risk behaviours, and improving health, happiness and success. When developed and well employed, it has wide-ranging benefits for learning, relationships and wellness. “Most successful people are not necessarily those with high IQ’s but those with highly developed interpersonal and social skills.”

The SixSeconds’ Model to increase EQ: Self-Awareness- increasing knowledge of yourself, recognising patterns and feelings (what makes you tick – what upsets you?) Self-Management- building self-direction, consciously choosing thoughts, feelings, and actions. Self-Development –aligning your daily choices with your larger sense of purpose. Using empathy and principled decision making to increase wisdom, living through your noble goal.

1) Self-Awareness Cause and effects of your own feelings and reactions, acknowledge patterns, and communicate emotions. Self-honesty – acceptance of your own qualities and faults. Independence – you have a choice about your thoughts, feelings and actions.

1) Self-Awareness Enhancing emotional Literacy and Recognizing patterns. Complete this personal statement: When I ___________, I ____________. Example: When I am ignored, I get very annoyed! Is this a pattern of behaviour for you? Think about the brain and its patterns.

Self-Management Think of a time when something didn’t work out for you (or an unresolved conflict) Thoughts Feelings Actions It’s not fair. Defeated Obsession with Anger discussing event. Upset a lot.

Now…. Change one of your answers: Thoughts Feelings Actions

The power of optimism!

difficult situations and make new paths. Optimism is… building hope for the future. expecting that desired events will occur and acting in ways to make them more likely. rooted in the knowledge that we have the power to change, grow and move forward. seeing failure as temporary. People with high optimism are able to motivate themselves when caught in difficult situations and make new paths.

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” Helen Keller A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Sir Winston Churchill As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7

In Conclusion… Emotions are like emails: you have to open them up in order to understand them. Recognise patterns in yourself and your peers. Own your patterns . Try alternatives to your regular course of actions.

“Be the change that you wish to see.” In the words of Gandi… “Be the change that you wish to see.”

RELATIONSHIPS What does this word mean to you? What is the first thing that comes into your head? Do you have positive experiences – friendships Do you have negative experiences – break-ups etc What should a relationship be like?

Task for Today Write a poem/short story/ create a role play about what relationships mean to you Can be positive or negative Can be a real life story or invented Needs to express you feelings/views Deadline Monday Morning