BECOMING an EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT PARENT Parent Resource Centre (PRC) Workshop #1 Tuesday 28 September 2010

All You Can Eat

RELAXED AWARENESS BRAIN GYM Free Flow Make mirror-image patterns with both hands simultaneously Move hands in opposing directions Cross over occasionally Pretend to conduct music REED 3 minutes

CONNECT - PAST EMOEMOTIONS INTELLECT vs EMOTIONS CONNECT - PAST EMOEMOTIONS

RESEARCH Emotions & intellect are connected Emotions affect learning & memory Contagious

CONNECT - PAST ISPP (1997) Parent suggestion

CONNECT - PAST Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ Daniel Goleman

DEFINITION Emotional intelligence Ability to manage and use our emotions to increase success EQ (Emotional Quotient)

CONNECT - FUTURE ADVANTAGE Master Aptitude

BIG PICTURE 2 Minds (CONNECTED) Thinks (Head) Feels (Heart) High EQ Personal happiness (+) communication/interactions with others

BIG PICTURE Parents Need to know yourselves Need to develop our EQ Serve as an EMOTION COACH for your children

CHILDREN WILL LISTEN How do you say to your child in the night Nothing's all black but then nothing's all white? How do you say it will all be alright When you know that it mightn't be true? What do you do?

CHILDREN WILL LISTEN Careful the things you say, Children will listen. Careful the things you do, Children will see. And learn.

CHILDREN WILL LISTEN Children may not obey, But children will listen. Children will look to you For which way to turn, To learn what to be. Careful before you say, "Listen to me." Children will listen.

GOALS List 5 parts of EQ model Evaluate your EQ using 5-part model Explore 1 way to act as an emotion coach for your children

INFORMATION

CULTURE Differences among cultures

KNOW OWN EMOTIONS EMOTION = feeling thoughts biological states impulses to act Evolutionary value Function

FAMILIES A S L F D E

FAMILIES Anger Sadness Love Fear Disgust Enjoyment Shame Surprise

MOODS Last longer than emotions Not related to a particular event Can cause emotions Affect how we “see” things

RELAXED AWARENESS BRAIN GYM Grip shoulder and look over it as you breathe in Turn head slowly to the other shoulder as you breathe out Change hands Owl 3 minutes

MANAGE OWN EMOTIONS Anger Stress Sadness IMPULSE CONTROL Delay gratification Anticipate consequences

IMPULSE CONTROL Marshmallow challenge 4-year-olds 18-year-olds > social/emotional competence > academic competence >200 points higher on SAT

“STOP” THE SPARK BEFORE THE FLAME Self-management allows us to be social Evolutionary necessity Some emotions overwhelm us before we know it

CHOOSING OUR EMOTIONS Facial expressions, voices, and body posture can cause corresponding emotions

MOTIVATE SELF (+) Thinking 1/2 full/empty Resilience 16 Desires

KNOW OTHERS’ EMOTIONS Empathy Mindsight

HANDLE RELATIONSHIPS Social skills Conflict resolution Listening Rapport Eye contact Conflict resolution

RELAXED AWARENESS BRAIN GYM Names in the Air Make large movements with your preferred hand Write from L to R crossing your midline Do it with each hand, then both hands simultaneously 3 minutes

KNOWLEDGE Declarative What Procedural How

EMOTION COACH What NOT to do: Treat lightly Disapprove What to do: Recognize Develop EQ

RULES All emotions are allowed All behaviour is NOT allowed

STEPS Recognize child’s emotion Opportunity for teaching Listen to child Paraphrase & help label the emotion Set limits on behavior & explore strategies

ACTIVITY In which area(s) of the EQ model do you need to improve? What is 1 way that you can become an emotion coach for your children?

REVIEW

BECOMING . . . Direction Not a destination

CONTACT INFORMATION William Reed Rhodes, Ph.D. ES Learning Support Teacher Beijing City International School 77 Baiziwan Nan Er Road Beijing 100022 8771 7171 (ext 1218) reed.rhodes@bcis.cn