Friendship and the Self Christian Relationships

Exercise #1 1. How I met my (2) best / closest friends...(paragraph/narrative format). Include: Who is it? Where were you? When did this occur? How did you actually meet / connect? What was / is the core element or bond? 2. Characteristics I look for in a friend...5-10 descriptions in full sentence. 3. What do I desire or expect out of friendships? 5-10 descriptions in full sentence. 4. What is missing or lacking in my current friendships? 5-10 descriptions in full sentence

How I met my best / closest friend... Who is it? Bobby Pacheco Where were you? Met at SPX in Albuquerque, NM; Parochial League Sports When did this occur? 1989; 1987-88 How did you actually meet / connect? Officially met at our lockers freshman year at SPX; had some classes together, common friends; previously knew of each other through PL sports What was / is the core element or bond? Sports – former PL battles, common group of friends, classes/2 common schools, life experiences, overcome challenges together, “family”, loyalty….

The Three Types of Friendship If Aristotle’s Kid Had an iPod: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Parents

3 Types “Without friends no one would choose to live, even though he had all other goods.” Nicomachean Ethics Useful Friendships Pleasure Friendships True Friendships All 3 are real friendships, but their objectives vary greatly!

Definition & Dissection “Friendship is the mutual recognition of wishing well between two people.” Wishing Well? Between Two People? Mutually Recognized?

Utilitarians in the Sandbox Who is an example of a useful or utility friend in my life? Explain.

Epicureans in the Sandbox Who is an example of a pleasure friendship in my life? Explain.

Aristotle’s Kid in the Sandbox Must Be Virtuous More About Loving Than Being Loved Infrequent Who is an example of a true friend in my life? Explain.

Friendship & The Self Intimate relationships that generally feature: Reciprocal deep affection Well-wishing Desire for shared experiences In this article we consider: Characteristics of friendship Dynamics of friendship Functional nature of friendship Relational nature of friendship How friendship shapes the Self Role of disclosure and intimacy

Companion Friendship (Basic Friendship Dynamics) What is Companion Friendship? What are 2 basic dynamics of Companion Friendship? To what “Friendship Models” do these dynamics contribute?

Companion Friendship What is it? What are 2 accounts of Companion Friendship? Companion friendship is marked by: The great extent to which the self is disclosed in a relationship to the other. It cements the bond of trust and intimacy Revealing: the extent to which one discloses oneself to close friends (Secrets View) Reflecting: extent to which we see ourselves in our friends (Mirror View) See bottom of p.503 http://youtu.be/IZIq4SfLNMk http://youtu.be/QnZ0Y4rvz6E http://youtu.be/S4DumJQbcoE

Research Overview Model: Mirror Model: Secrets Model: Drawing Traditional Thesis for Friendship Bond with Limitations Model: Secrets Model: Drawing New Thesis for Friendship Bond; Creative; Transcends Limitations; Growth

Traditional Thesis What do we learn about our friendships from these models and how they impact the “self”? Mirror View: One popular account of friendship bond/value Secrets View: A second common account of friendship bond/value Positive contributions: authors say that these views reveal some dynamics/function within friendship… Shortcomings: but they agree that these do not fully account for the bond and intimacy found in companion friendship Positive contributions: seem to be characteristic of friendships on a surface level or even some moderate level… Shortcomings: but these models can mislead us on the nature of our friendships (dynamics/functions) or leave us with incomplete understandings

The Mirror View of Friendship What are 3-5 key features of the Mirror View? Positive Aspects Deficits

The Secrets View of Friendship What are 3-5 key features of the Secrets View? Positive Aspects Deficits

The Drawing Account of Friendship What does this dynamic add to the previous views on Friendship?

Drawing Account of Friendship a new thesis of being “drawn” by friendships How do the authors see the self shaped by friendship? “I am open and receptive to being directed and interpreted , thus ‘drawn’ by the other.” A. Directed B. Interpreted I do not have to reveal myself to the other (secrets) I do not have to see myself in the other (mirror) I do not enter a friendship as a “finished product” I am distinctly receptive both to the other’s interests and to their way of seeing me. I am being shaped or formed in a dynamic and relational way. youtu.be/iY2cKtudViw

Drawing Account Some conclusions: The self is not necessarily discrete nor static The self is conceived as a relational thing shaped through friendship Mutual drawing seems to be essential in the establishment and maintenance of intimacy.

Problem Cases Direction and interpretation in relationships which are not friendships Alleged friendships not involving direction and interpretation

The Governing Conditions of Friendship “The willingness to engage in mutual direction and interpretation does govern relations of friendships in a way that similarity or secret sharing cannot.” Acceptance Conditions Terminating Conditions

Journal Questions: Friendship 1. How I met my best / closest friend...(1-2 paragraphs) 2. Characteristics I look for in a friend...5-10 descriptions in full sentence. (Focus on the individual – what they bring to the relationship) 3. What do I desire or expect out of friendships? 5-10 descriptions in full sentence. (Focus on the relationship – what is created; what are outcomes) 4. What is missing or lacking in my current friendships? 5-10 descriptions in full sentence.

Digital Nation Students & Their Personal Technology (MIT) Research Implications Addiction On-line Relationships (WOW) Virtual Reality What occurs when technology intersects with friendships? How do these media, forum, networks impact friendship dynamics? Mirror view Secrets view Drawing Account How do you gauge the quality (intimacy) of these friendships?

Digital Nation Digital Natives? Addiction to tech/internet/gaming New Species / part of our evolution Addiction to tech/internet/gaming Developmental Implications: Physical Cognitive Social Emotional World Wide Web – Has it allowed us to become better people? (Rushkoff) Define: “better people” Is there a need for a new (educational) paradigm of responsible use? Youth Adults Rushkoff is skeptical of top-down approaches like ‘Netiquette’ working in America

How do these media, forum, networks impact friendship dynamics? Mirror view Secrets view Drawing Account How do you gauge the quality (intimacy) of these friendships? Pros Cons