Sexual Addiction Monte Kuykendall, M. Div., M.A. New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, 2000 GA Licensed Professional Counselor #4807

What Causes Sexual Addiction (taken from “Faithful & True by Mark Laaser) Families Boundaries Rigid No Healthy/Appropriate Touching (such as hugs) No Affirmations/Praise (“Good job”) Loose No Privacy Constant Criticism Sexual Teasing

What Causes Sexual Addiction (cont.) Family Rules Don’t Discuss Emotions Minimizing (of emotions or actions) Blame Deny

What Causes Sexual Addiction (cont.) Family Roles Hero Expected to excel and never make a mistake Scapegoat Blamed for all family problems Expected to amount to very little Lost Child Never makes waves Learns to be independent & take care of self Little Princess/Prince Has to be “cute,” “wonderful,” “warm,” and “cuddly” Also called the Shirley Temple role

What Causes Sexual Addiction (cont.) Managing Stress in Family Caffeine Alcohol Pornography Eating Watching TV Shopping Working Cleaning

What Causes Sexual Addiction (cont.) Abusive Families Emotional Abuse Put downs Yelling/Screaming Name calling Emotional Abandonment Physical Abuse Hitting, punching, slapping

What Causes Sexual Addiction (cont.) Sexual Abuse Touching Inappropriately Tickling Inappropriately Flirting between adult & child Inappropriate amount of dressing in front of children (naked or in underwear) Being exposed to sexual media at an early age by friend or family member Spiritual Abuse Inaccurate messages about God (God’s love is conditional) Over-theologizing (such as telling someone in grief that they should not cry because their loved one went to Heaven) Inaccurate messages about sex from the Bible (that it is “bad” or that it is “only physical”

Sexual Addiction Cycle

Sexual Addiction (Laaser) Repetitive Occurs in a pattern for at least 2 years (whether it’s once a month or every day) Degenerative Tolerance builds up in body and requires more and more of the addictive behavior (i.e., “drug”) Unmanageable Unable to stop it Medicative Soothes, distracts, makes a person “feel better” Destructive Takes one’s efforts off of work or social performance (i.e., gets in the way)

Transtheoretical Model (or “Stages of Change”) Relapse is already built into the concept (so as to lessen shame or guilt) Focus is on aligning desires to succeed in other areas of life to the addiction (e.g., How does doing the addiction help you achieve your personal goals?) Responsibility is on the STUDENT (NOT the chaplain/counselor)! If the student is at the right point in the model, then he/she can change.

Stages of Change (cont.)

Stages of Change (cont.)

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Cognitive = thinking Scripture can help with changing one’s thoughts (Romans 12:2) “…be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” Scripture can remind a student that they are a Child of God’s to take away any shame Guilt What I have DONE is bad Shame Who I AM is bad (my being) Behavioral = change in actions