Chapter 4: Being Precise Clear Forthright Familiar Concise Fluid How upset [Max Planck] was whenever he inadvertently gave out the wrong information…. Lise Meitner This slide is a title slide for a discussion of Chapter 4 in The Craft of Scientific Writing, 3rd ed. (Springer, 1996). As with Chapters 5-9, Chapter 4 presents a goal, rather than a rule, for language in scientific writing. The goal of being precise is the most important goal of language in scientific writing. This chapter presents many examples of how to achieve precision (and avoid imprecision). Full quotation by Lise Meitner: “How upset [Max Planck] was whenever he inadvertently gave out the wrong information, whether in scientific publication or casual conversation, since despite all efforts at retraction, he knew that at least some untruth would always persist.” Reference for quotation: Ruth Sime, Lise Meitner: A Life in Physics (Berkeley, CA: University of California Press, 1996). Reference for photograph: "Max Planck (1858-1947)" by Unknown - http://www.sil.si.edu/digitalcollections/hst/scientific-identity/CF/display_results.cfm?alpha_sort=p. Licensed under Public domain via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Max_Planck_(1858-1947).jpg#mediaviewer/File:Max_Planck_(1858-1947).jpg

Precision means choosing the right words and appropriate level of detail choosing appropriate level of detail word right word detail Mapping slide for discussion about being precise. This chapter considers precision from two perspectives: (1) on the word level, and (2) on the sentence level (with the appropriate depth of detail).

Choose words carefully because many scientific terms have specific meanings The last decade has seen a rapid development of new techniques for studying the enormously complex phenomena associated with the develop- ment of sparks and other gas discharges. spark: the transient irreversible event from one steady state of the electrical breakdown process to another. gas discharge: any of the three steady states of the electrical breakdown process. Voltage Current spark discharge Example on choosing an incorrect word (page 75).

Another consideration in choosing the correct word is the connotation Denotation Connotation suggested meaning adequate: sufficient insufficient dictionary meaning adequate: sufficient; enough for what is required Example of considering denotation and connotation in choosing the right word (pages 77-78).

Words have both denotations and connotations Negative Neutral Positive cheap inexpensive unusual simple clear cost-effective strange novel simplistic streamlined More examples of considering denotation and connotation in choosing the right word (pages 77-78). obvious

Precision means choosing the right words and appropriate level of detail choosing appropriate level of detail word right word detail Repetition of mapping slide to indicate that presentation is shifting to the second section.

Generalities that are not anchored with specifics are soon forgotten After finding that high winds (and not hail) had cracked the ten solar mirrors, we began stowing all mirrors in a horizontal position during thunderstorms. After recognizing some problems with the solar mirrors, we took subsequent corrective measures. Trash This slide presents a “before” and “after” example of being precise. This example arose during a progress report to the Department of Energy. The report was being written by a solar energy division at Sandia National Laboratories. In the first draft, the engineer responsible for the mirror portion of the plant wrote the sentence on the left. The supervisor editing the document felt that sentence, a stand-alone item, would frighten the DOE officials because the magnitude of the problem was not clear (the mirror portion of the plant cost the DOE more than $40 million). The full revision is given in the textbook (page 79), and one sentence of that revision is shown on the slide at the right.

For precise language, you should avoid over-specifying details The number of particular hydrocarbon combinations in our study is enormous. For example, the number of possible C20H42 is 366,319 and the number for C40H82 is 62,491,178,805,831. The number of hydrocarbon combinations in our study is enormous. For example, the number of possible C40H82 is more than 62 trillion. This slide presents another “before” and “after” example of being precise. This example comes from the introduction of a journal article. The two numbers, particularly the second one, are so long that they stand out more than any piece of typography on the page. Given that all the chemist intended was to show that his work was challenging, dealing with so many combinations, the size of the numbers is important, but the accuracy is not. Moreover, the first number is unnecessary in this case. On another day, 350,000 is a large number, but today, when we have 62 trillion in the sentence, then 350,000 is insignificant and raises questions about the purpose of this sentence. (Pages 80-81) On this slide, students often ask questions about when to write out numbers in words and when to use numerals (actual digits). A discussion is given on pages 140-141.

For precision, you must choose the appropriate level of detail Operations at the plant stopped momentarily because the thermal storage charging system desuperheater attemperator valve was replaced. Operations at the plant stopped for 1.5 hours so that a valve in the thermal storage system could be replaced. This slide presents one of my favorite examples about language. This example demonstrates that engineers and scientists have to consider the situation (the audience and subject matter) when deciding upon the level of detail. In this example, written to the Department of Energy in a progress report, the depth is too much for one detail (the exact valve), but not enough for another detail (the time the plant was down). (Page 81) Notice that if the sentence had been in a memo to technicians at the plant, this depth might have been appropriate—the technicians might have needed to know the exact valve that failed in case that valve was giving the plant particular problems. Although the depth would have been acceptable, the way that the detail was included in a long noun string would not. A discussion about noun strings can be found on 85-86. When showing this example, I like to hide the revision and ask the students to comment on the level of detail. My question to them is, “Given that the audience is the Department of Energy responsible for that $40 million field of mirrors, which details would you challenge?” They usually pick the noun string right off, but take a while to notice the detail about time that is too general.

Chapter 4: Being Precise Clear Forthright Familiar Concise Fluid How upset [Max Planck] was whenever he inadvertently gave out the wrong information…. Lise Meitner This slide is a conclusion slide for a discussion of Chapter 4 in The Craft of Scientific Writing, 3rd ed. (Springer, 1996). As with Chapters 5-9, Chapter 4 presents a goal, rather than a rule, for language in scientific writing. The goal of being precise is the most important goal of language in scientific writing. This chapter presents many examples of how to achieve precision (and avoid imprecision). Full quotation by Lise Meitner: “How upset [Max Planck] was whenever he inadvertently gave out the wrong information, whether in scientific publication or casual conversation, since despite all efforts at retraction, he knew that at least some untruth would always persist.” Reference for quotation: Ruth Sime, Lise Meitner: A Life in Physics (Berkeley, CA: University of California Press, 1996). Reference for photograph: "Max Planck (1858-1947)" by Unknown - http://www.sil.si.edu/digitalcollections/hst/scientific-identity/CF/display_results.cfm?alpha_sort=p. Licensed under Public domain via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Max_Planck_(1858-1947).jpg#mediaviewer/File:Max_Planck_(1858-1947).jpg