International Conference Sofia, November 18th 2016 JUST/2013/DAP/AG/5372 Good Practice in working with the parents of children involved in bullying – Save the Children Romania’s Experience Diana Stanculeanu, diana.stanculeanu@salvaticopiii.ro

Context Save the children provided counselling services for parents of children involved in bullying situation, in the framework of the Project “Introducing Participatory and Child-Centred Approach for Early Identification and Prevention of Bullying in School Setting in 7 EU Countries” - JUST/2013/DAP/AG/5372 112 parents benefitted form counselling from Save the Children Romania team of psychologists; In most cases, children were involved in bullying situations as perpetrators; All cases were referred towards Save the Children counselling centre by school psychologists or teaching staff;

Broad perspective To work with and support families with a child who is bullying; To establish whether the bullying behavior is a school- related issue/ a family issue, affected by the family environment, in order to come up with the most efficient approach; To aim at interrupting the continuity from school bullying to later adverse life outcomes; To support the development of healthy, positive relationships between parents and children, based on children’ needs and rights;

Specific objectives To give parents room and confidence to talk about their challenges and joys of raising children; To raise parents’ level of knowledge with regards to human emotional and social functioning; To raise parents’ level of knowledge with regards to the place of emotional and social aspects in the child’s overall development; To set parents’ realistic expectation with regards to child’s emotional and social skills at school age; To develop/increase parents skills in developing emotional and social competence for their children;

Basic principles Some basic principles in delivering counseling sessions were also considered: engage parents in a interactive manner; give value to the parents’ own experiences with child rearing; always develop a strong link between theory and practice; include/use a fair amount of concrete examples and case stories, given by parents themselves; work with parents’ “material”;

Assessing risk factors family factors; individual factors; and school and community factors. Practitioner considerations Bullying behaviors can arise from a number of interrelated risk factors, so it is important that each element not be considered in isolation Importantly, the presence of these factors alone does not always mean that a young person will engage in bullying. Parents of children who bully may become emotionally reactive when attention and criticism is paid to their children’s bullying behavior; therefore it is best to use low-threat approaches. Factors that are assessed to fall into the area of higher risk should be addressed first before moving on to other areas revealed in the risk assessment.

Family factors Exposure to child abuse and domestic violence is associated with an increased risk of children bullying (Shields & Cicchetti, 2001). Main family factors associated with a higher likelihood of engaging in bullying behavior. „ lack of parental control; poor role models; lack of warmth and abusive discipline; other family characteristics.

Family factors Lack of parental overview / Over-involvement„ Is parent discipline inconsistent and based on the parent’s mood rather than the child’s needs and level of ability development„ Are parents over-demanding and not giving their child(ren) any say in what happens at home? Is there low parental monitoring of the child’s activities or whereabouts? Poor role models Is there exposure to child abuse or domestic violence in the home? Is parental disharmony and conflict present?

Family factors Lack of warmth and abusive discipline;„ Do parents use harsh, physical punishment to coerce and control the child? Is the child rejected or perceived negatively by one or both parent? Is there a lack of nurturing and emotional support provided by the family? Does poor bonding exist between the parent and child? Other family factors Is the family socially isolated and lacking in outside support? Is there stress in the family associated with parental divorce / separation /parent working abroad? Does the family have low economic and social resources available (based on income, education, occupation)?

Assessing protective factors The following are key areas to explore when assessing existing protective factors and the families’ capacity to reduce risk: nurturing and attachment—child experiences consistent warmth and affection; effective parenting techniques—including knowledge of child development; parental resilience—the capacity to cope with stress and solve problem; social connections—strong parent support network (i.e., family, friends); access to parental supports—financial, housing and other concrete resources and services.

Questions for exploring protective family factors How does the parent respond to the child’s challenging behavior? How does the parent demonstrate affection? How does the parent model caring behavior? Can the parent provide a safe and stable home and family environment? What steps has the parent taken to deal with the bullying problem? Can the parent identify alternative solutions for addressing bullying behavior How does the parent encourage positive behavior through appreciation and modeling? Does the parent understand the child’s development? What is the effect of stress on parenting? How does the parent communicate with his or her spouse or partner? What is the parent’s ability to set and work toward personal goals? What is the parent’s current social support system, including family, friends and membership in any formal groups? Are there other services and supports that would help the family?

Parent skills and education Parent training is an important part of discouraging bullying behaviors. Parents may know about positive parenting skills, but have difficulty putting them into action when stressed. Others need education in parenting skills, which can be given during individual sessions or in a group where they can test new strategies and receive encouragement from other parents.

Parent skills and education Parents may benefit from programs that: educate families about both the complexities of bullying behaviors and the challenging social and health issues experienced by a child who bullies; raise parents’ awareness, knowledge, skills and self- efficacy to talk with their child about bullying; involve problem-solving to develop effective ways to resolve conflict; counsel parents by stressing the importance of the parent–child relationship in their child’s development; help parents to improve their emotional and social skills;

Parent skills and education Encourage on developing good parenting skills, including emphasizing the importance of parental involvement, child monitoring and consistent discipline (that does not involve harsh and inconsistent punishment); Educate families of the need for parent– school collaboration.

Parents’ main lessons learnt / insights Parents have little awareness with regards to and pay little attention to children’ emotional and social aspects of development; Parents have slim to none emotional literacy; Parents lack, in the bigger picture of child development, the social, emotional, behavioral areas. They are mainly focus on physical health and growth and cognitive development; Parents are mainly “outcome” not “process” oriented when it comes to children performance. That is a high risk factor for constant criticism towards the child; Parents more aware of the interference of their own emotions with parenting; Parents with moderate/ severe emotional distress need supplementary information/ direct guidance from a professional; Having prior information about parenting helps to best explore the program’s content;

Parents’ main lessons learnt / insights Emotions are at the core of our functioning; Emotions and relationships are deeply related to our successes and failures; Gaining a healthy emotional management is difficult even at adult ages, but so important for everything that we do; Expecting proper behavior and academic achievement from children, without paying attention to their emotions and social development, is useless; Talking about how we feel generates health and intimacy within family and parent-child relationship; Friends are important for our children’ happiness and wellbeing; Human beings perform better when they are aware of how they feel towards specific life situations; Behind every child inadequate behavior there is an emotion that they can manage and an ability they yet need to master; Little things children learn at this age (e.g. using words to express their anger) are key to proper behavior later in life, in school and professional settings;

Thank you very much! Questions?