Do you believe in Love? Love at first sight? One true love 50% of Americans say yes One true love 75% of Americans say yes

Love is… “A deep and vital emotion that satisfies certain needs, coupled with caring for and acceptance of the beloved and resulting in an intimate relationship” Love vs. limerence

Watch out: Limerence! Caused by chemicals in brain – dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin) Lasts about 3-6 months (sometimes longer) Altered state of mind – drugged state Feels great Can be dangerous Not making good decision / or choosing by default Limerence might blind you Might make it hard to see problem behavior Might lead to Sliding

Maslow’s understanding of love B-love: “Being love”: Love for the essence or being of the other. D-Love: “Deficiency love”: Love another person because you are driven to satisfy your needs for love and belongingness.

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love Intimacy Sharing and communication of emotions Passion Physical attraction, sexual consummation a Quickest to develop Commitment Short and long term commitment Intimacy + Passion +Commitment = Consummate love

Sternberg’s Love Types

Six Types of Love Eros: strong sexual desire Storge: compassionate/friendly Pragma: pragmatic/rational Agape: altruistic Ludus: Play/fun/playing the game of love Mania: like eros, but moody and jealous

Love is NOT: Self-sacrifice/martyring Manipulative or controlling Martyrs and manipulators usually pair up together in a symbiotic relationship Dangerous Physical safety – fear from being harmed or threatened Emotional safety – feeling loved, accepted, deeply cared for and supported, feeling connected Commitment safety – feeling that someone is “in” Jealous

Jealousy Jealousy: Reaction to a perceived threat-- real or imagined--to a valued relationship or to its quality. “Normal" vs. "delusional" jealousy Delusional jealousy persists despite the absence of any real or even probable threat

Self-love High self-esteem enhances a person’s capacity to love others Self-love not to be confused with narcissism People with low self esteem: Experience a persistent need for affection Are on the alert for criticism and remember it for a long time afterward Often miss cues that other people are interested Are prepared for rejection

Types of relationships A-FRAME: strong couple identity at the expense of individuality H-FRAME: little relationship connection, good sense of self. M-FRAME: adequate sense of self, reliance on each other for support, interdependence