Boundaries and Battlefields Keith Dunnett
Common Battlefields Not working hard enough/ too hard Exams & grades Appearance Screen time/ content Tidying bedrooms Staying up/ out late Mornings/ getting to school on time Helping with chores Manners Alcohol & drugs Boyfriends and sex Expensive things
Boundaries Are Important
Boundaries are Important but love is more important
Those who love their children are careful to discipline them Proverbs 3:24
Parenting Styles Indulgent Authoritative Neglectful Authoritarian Warm Not Firm Firm Neglectful Authoritarian Not Warm
Changing Boundaries Control Age Parental Trust Low X Parental Internal External Boundaries High X Age 1 18
Is This Battle Worth Fighting? Non-negotiable?
“What causes adolescents to rebel is not the assertion of authority, but the arbitrary use of power, with little explanation of the rules, and no involvement in decision making.” Lawrence Steinberg
Is This Battle Worth Fighting? Non-negotiable? Trivial? One to Negotiate?
“As hard as it is, our role must move from controller to consultant” Daniel Hahn
Encourage Responsibility Help them to ‘own’ their choices.
Work Out Consequences
Check Yourself First First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye Jesus Christ
Why did they cross the boundary? by an error? through inexperience? to challenge us?
Boundaries and Battlefields Boundaries are important Boundaries change over time Types of boundary Encourage responsibility Work out consequences
Say Sorry… And Forgive