Assertive Communication LeAnna Rice, M.A., NCC

What is Assertiveness? Assertiveness is the ability to communicate your needs and thoughts in a way that is… Relays your intended message. Is respectful of others. Is respectful of you. Communicates confidence. Uses non-verbal signals appropriately.

Assertive, Passive, and Aggressive

Passive Communication I talk softly. I rarely stand up for my rights. I usually try to avoid conflict and arguments. I don't usually get rejected directly, but people take advantage of me because I have am afraid to say no. Then I am angry and resentful, and my needs are not met.

Aggressive Communication Style People will never push me around. I always get my way even if I have to hurt or offend people to get it. I use my position, power, and harsh or manipulative words. I don't care if I offend people. I speak in a loud voice. I can be abusive, and I really like to get even with people.

Passive-Aggressive Communcation Style I protect myself by avoiding problems and try not to take any risks. I'm sly, sarcastic, and subtly insulting. I deliberately ruin other peoples plans or projects. I talk about other people in negative ways. I dress however I want to regardless of the situation. I often fail at school or work. I feel like a victim and never like to take responsibility. I feel jealous and resentful of others achievements.

Assertive Communication Style I often get what I want without offending other people or making them angry. I am clear and direct when I communicate, and I'm able to express my thoughts, feelings, and wants directly. I am honest, and show my confidence without being aggressive about it.

Communication Styles

Assertive Behaviors Speak positively of yourself. Speak up, make requests, and insist that your rights be respected as a valued human being. Express negative emotions Show positive emotions Initiate, carry on, change, and terminate conversations as necessary. Deal with minor aggressions before anger builds into something more intense Be aware of your body language.

Assertive Communication Skills Use “I-Statements” in the following format… "I feel ____________________ "(emotion) "when______________________" (situation} "Because___________________" (reason) "I need___________________" (request) I feel upset when you don’t return my e-mails or my phone calls because I don’t feel like my work is valued or important. I need you to respond to me in a time that we both think is reasonable timeline.

LISTEN!! Communication has two sides – revealing and listening. Practice active listening: Identifying what the other person is saying and feeling – “I hear you saying…” Being aware of your body language. Nodding and other non-verbal signals.

Practice With a partner, practice saying the following statements as “I-Statements.” The other partner should practice active listening. "I can never count on you to do what you tell me you will do.” “"Come on and go with us. You can do your homework later." (You are facing a deadline and really need to work on your project.) With a partner, practice responding to the following situation. Your advisor has not been very communicating with you in a way that you think is helpful. He is often very critical of your work but gives you little direction. On top of that, he isn’t responsive to your e-mails and you feel that this is contributing to not being able to finish your work in a timely manner. What do you say to him?