RELATIONSHIPS AFTER A BRAIN INJURY for service users The Way Ahead Conference 1st July 2017 Alison Towner Sex and Relationship Psychotherapist MSc, COSRT accredited

Workshop aims and plan Consider what intimacy is Reflect on the challenges of intimate relationships after a brain injury Discover new ways to develop more positive and meaningful intimate relationships

What do you want from an intimate relationship? What does intimacy mean to you? It might be helpful to think of a couple that you admire and why. May be: same-sex or heterosexual family/friend or celebrity real or fictional from book/film etc

Intimacy “IN TO ME SEE” A two-way process Not mind-reading Requires time Requires effort

Four types of intimacy 1. INTELLECTUAL 2. EXPERIENTIAL 3. EMOTIONAL 4.SEXUAL

Differences between men and women?

Changes following BI for people in a relationship

If you are single

How might brain injury affect intimacy? Intellectual Cognitive difficulties Communication problems Experiential Emotional

How might brain injury affect intimacy? 4. Sexual Taboo Lack of opportunity Physical barriers Loss of confidence Change in relationship dynamic

Ideas for developing intimacy Intimacy is a journey.

Ideas for developing intimacy Increase self-awareness and self-esteem If present, treat depression

Start with most comfortable type of intimacy 1. INTELLECTUAL 2. EXPERIENTIAL 3. EMOTIONAL 4.SEXUAL

Key to coping with change Communication Key to coping with change

Strategies to help communication Think about everyone’s perspective Consider different roles

Strategies to help communication Prepare to communicate: What to say (“I” phrases): How do I feel? What do I want? When’s a good time? Where?

Physical / sexual intimacy Find ways to hug, kiss and handhold Plan for intimacy

Resources It may be difficult, but it is possible to find new ways to be intimate Professional help Personal counselling Relationship counselling Sex Therapy Family counselling

Be patient – intimacy is a journey not a destination

Final summing up What intimacy is How traumatic brain injury can affect intimacy How you can improve intimacy Any final questions?