Effective communication Unit two lesson 1

Identifying the elements of effective interpersonal communication Active Listening Lesson - Think-Pair-Share Think of a time when you were talking to someone about something important and you thought the other person was not listening to you. Pair – Tell each other about that. Share – Collectively list the annoying behaviors on the left side of the table. Discussion – what could the listening have done differently to be a better listener? List the good behaviors on the right side of the table.

Fill in the table Annoying behaviors Good behaviors

Active listening techniques purpose method examples ENCOURAGING To show interest; To allow the person to talk Use non-judgmental words with a positive tone of voice “I see. . . .”, “That’s interesting”, “Uh-huh”, “Mmm” ELICITING To get information To encourage the person to show their feelings and concerns To have an open conversation Ask open-ended, not leading, questions Don’t agree or disagree Use encouraging body language, such as nodding “Tell me more about…: What you are worried about? What is most important for you? How does the issue affect your life? RESTATING   To show that you are listening. To verify your comprehension of what they’ve said Paraphrase the other’s points Avoid giving your own opinion If you don't understand ask for confirmation “So what you’re saying is…” “So the way you see it is. . .” “Would it be correct to say?”

Active listening techniques purpose method examples CLARIFYING To find out more about underlying concerns To understand ambiguous or unclear statements Don't interrupt Ask focused but open-ended questions   “I’m not sure what you mean by. . .” “Could you please explain more about..?” “can you explain why you believe that... ?” EMPATHIZING Understand events from others’ perspectives To show that you respect their point of view Recognize others’ experiences as valid. Give acknowledgement rather than agreement “I can see why you feel that…” “I can understand how you see it that way.”

Active listening techniques purpose method examples SUMMARIZING To conclude the main ideas in the conversation Review issues which have been raised. Highlight the most important matters   “These seem to be the key ideas you have expressed. . .” “So your view of this whole situation is…” “I understand that your concerns are…” REFRAMING To transition into problem solving To refocus the discussion from past events to future goals To encourage others to rethink positions To redirect negative statements into more positive statements Build on others’ ideas in developing your proposals Emphasize points of agreement and shared interests Use neutral or positive rather than accusatory language “Let’s think about how we could change the situation.. .”  “Since we both value...let’s see if we can…”  “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m glad you raised the issue. Let’s see how we can work together to…”

Active listening practice Better communication sometimes means practicing certain skills until they become natural.  PRACTICE PARAPHRASING Paraphrasing means restating another person's thoughts and ideas to show that you understand what they said. Directions: Student 1 reads a statement and student 2 paraphrases what they hear. Then switch roles. Continue switching roles until you have read all the statements. Example: Student 1: Last night I had a great time at Omer’s party. I met a lot of new people that I really liked. Student 2: So you had fun at Omer’s party and met some people you liked being with.

Statements I hope we finish reading this book soon. It's really boring. I would rather read something with more action. I can't go to see a movie this week. I don't have any money. Maybe we can go next week. Last night I heard a lot of noise and saw several police officers. I think people were fighting in the apartment across the street. I have to get my mom a late birthday present. I forgot her birthday last week and I feel terrible about it. My parents told me that they don't want me to play basketball anymore because I'm not doing so well in school. They think I don't spend enough time doing my homework. I wish we had more time to get to know other kids at school. There are a lot of people I don't know very well and I would like to know them better.

Discussion Did you think your partner paraphrased well? Was it difficult to paraphrase? Why is this a useful skill? When could you use this skill? How could you use this in your everyday life? *Handout adapted from Conflict Resolution for English Language Learners, USIP , Milofsky 2009

Homework Practice actively listening with one person in the normal course of a day. Choose an interaction that is happening and apply the skills to that discussion. Do not tell the person you are experimenting on them, what you are really doing is applying what you learned in school to a real life situation. You can do this exercise with a friend of a member of your family

In your reflection notebooks write about the experience. Relate to the following questions: What did it feel like to really listen to someone without interrupting? Do people often listen actively in your life? Why or why not? What made this activity challenging for you? How can being an active listener build trust and support relationships? What questions do you have about applying the active listening skills to real life situations? 

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