By Vanessa Lee & Eloisa Vigil 3’s a crowd By Vanessa Lee & Eloisa Vigil

Outcome Identify and recognize when you are the third party individual in the “Triangle” Be an effective asset in assisting with a solution Be able to use critical thinking skills in crucial crisis situations Help individuals who are in the “Triangle” phase see the whole picture Use what you have learned in the work place or in your personal life

Third party individual When anxiety increases a third person becomes involved in the tension of the twosome creating a triangle. The formation of a triangle is an anxiety binding process that occurs simultaneously with the other relationship adjustments people make in response to anxiety. Kerr & Bowen pg. 135

Who are Third party Individuals? Critical Decision Helping Professional Relative Supervisor Co-Worker Neutral Take sides Dismiss

Tell me more Third party individual can be seen as a mediator The third party individual has the benefit of seeing the whole picture When you are being objective about a situation this can make the difference between an individual or family being rooted in the situation versus being free of the situation

Things to Consider Emotions of the individuals Making sure trust is not broken Venting vs. real issue Body language Vocal tone Avoid power struggles

Multigenerational emotional process Families who possess similar aspects in regards to emotional functioning which is inherited. There are two extremes that separate the families which is simply stable or unstable. Stable family members have better jobs, better educated, have a happy marriage, live longer, and have children who’s level of functioning is comparable to theirs. Stable individuals find ways to solve a problem versus running from it. Unstable individuals are complete opposite.

Probing questions PROBING (or POWERFUL, OPEN) QUESTIONS are intended to help the presenter think more deeply about the issue at hand. If a probing question doesn’t have that effect, it is either a clarifying question or a recommendation with an upward inflection at the end. If you find yourself asking “Don’t you think you should …?” or “What would happen if …?” you’ve gone beyond a probing question to giving advice. The presenter often doesn’t have a ready answer to a genuine probing question.

Examples of Probing questions What do you feel is right in your heart? What would it look like if…? What would have to change in order for…? What’s another way you might…? What was your intention when.…? What sort of an impact do you think…? How might your assumptions about…have influenced how you are thinking about…? What do you think would happen if…?

A good probing question… Allows for multiple responses Avoids yes/no responses Empowers the person being asked the question to solve the problem or manage the dilemma (rather than deferring to someone with greater or different expertise) Stimulates reflective thinking by moving thinking from reaction to reflection Encourages perspective taking Challenges assumptions Touches a deeper meaning Creates a paradigm shift Is concise Prompts slow response

What are some solutions to this “triangle” Scenario Supervisor Wayne and Ricky are your employees. You request that Wayne and Ricky to begin organizing the storage room. Wayne comes to you because he feels that Ricky is not pulling his weight. Wayne says this is not the first time and he is frustrated. What are some solutions to this “triangle”

What are some solutions to this “triangle” Scenario Relative Nancy had a disagreement with her mother. Nancy is your sister. Nancy’s fiancé called off the wedding. Nancy wants to use the money she saved for her wedding dress to get tattoos and have a party at a hotel. She comes to you for advice because her mother wants her to just try to work things out with her fiancé. What are some solutions to this “triangle”

Scenario Helping professional You work for a non-profit that assist with providing food boxes to families. One of your families comes to you upset and tells you that the receptionist said they are not allowed to get anymore food for 4 weeks. The policy states that food boxes are given only every 4 weeks. What are some solutions for this “triangle”

Group Scenarios

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References Kerr, M., & Bowen, M. (1988) Family Evaluation. New York: Penguins Books School Reform Initiative A Community of Learners. Pocket Guide to probing questions. www.schoolreforminitiative.org accessed 8/10/2016