Assertiveness and managing differences Chapter 11 © Pearson 2012

Causes of conflict at work Lack of role boundaries Goal differences Different values or ethics Restructuring or change Scarcity of resources Racism/sexism stereotyping Inappropriate behaviour Differences in thinking Poor performance Unsatisfactory working conditions Cultural differences Personality differences or competing egos Differences of opinion Misused position/authority © Pearson 2012

Levels of conflict © Pearson 2012

Conflict management grid © Pearson 2012

Conflict management strategies Competition Withdrawal Accommodation Compromise Collaboration © Pearson 2012

Factors influencing conflict management styles Situation Position/Role/Power Past experiences Expectations: relationship Gender Culture © Pearson 2012

Addressing and resolving conflicts Two-party resolution Informal third-party resolution Formal investigation and adjudication Generic approaches © Pearson 2012

Defining the conflict Define conflict as a mutual problem to be solved. Identify common goals or areas of mutual interest. Define the conflict in as small and specific a way as possible. Find out how you and the other person differ before trying to resolve the conflict. See the conflict from the other person’s viewpoint. © Pearson 2012

Talking about the conflict Do not label, accuse or insult. Describe the person’s actions towards you. Describe your feelings about the other person’s actions. Describe your actions that help to create and continue the conflict. Manage your feelings so that they do not make conflict worse. © Pearson 2012

Skills in finding a solution Use ‘Yes AND’ not ‘Yes BUT’. Develop options – be creative. Avoid ‘either’ or ‘thinking’. Stick to the point. Stress common areas of agreement. Choose solutions that help the ongoing relationship. Make it easy for the person to say ‘yes’. Check commitment. Let the issue rest. © Pearson 2012

Managing emotions in conflict situations Be aware that you are becoming angry and emotionally charged. Try to understand why you are angry. Make a conscious decision about whether to express your anger. Choose your time and place. Plan your message. Breathe. Watch your non-verbal messages. Avoid personal attacks. Use Self Talk. © Pearson 2012

Managing emotions in conflict situations I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end I was angry with my foe I told it not, and my wrath did grow. (A Poison Tree from Blake, ‘Songs of Experience’, 1794) © Pearson 2012

Assertive communication Assertive communication is a way of dealing with issues of unfair use of power and of gaining respect and recognition. © Pearson 2012

Behaviour styles Aggressive Submissive Manipulative (Aggressive/passive) Assertive © Pearson 2012

Assertive guidelines Set limits. Be relevant. Set the tone. Be direct, clear and honest. Learn to say ‘no’. Use ‘I’ statements. Do not use a lot of ‘you’ statements. © Pearson 2012

Using ‘I’ statements Own the message. Avoid stating thoughts as truth using words such as ‘should’, ‘ought to’. Avoid generalising. Don’t use a lot of ‘you’ statements. Don’t disguise ‘you’ statements as feelings. © Pearson 2012

Assertive guidelines (cont.) Admit it at the time if you have made a mistake. Ask for what you want. Use persistence. Script assertive responses using the four Fs. Be realistic. Match verbal with non-verbal. © Pearson 2012

Four Fs Facts Feelings Focus on action Feedback Describe the facts of the matter. Feelings Describe your feelings and the effect or consequences of their actions on you. Focus on action Say what you want the other person to do or change. Be specific. Feedback Invite their response. © Pearson 2012

Assertive non-verbal language Open gestures Confident facial expressions Strong voice No ‘ers’, ‘ums’, or other hesitations Direct gaze © Pearson 2012