Parenting - difficult or easy?

Parenting is a job to be enjoyed Parenting is a job to be enjoyed. Learn to play the game of Parenting, and build a Team with your child Whether your child is 2 or 12 years old, the time to start is NOW.

Ms. Asha Sidd Counselor, trainer, and essentially someone who loves children, meets different parents and their children almost every day, now takes you through a journey of being a successful and HAPPY parent. It just takes some common sense and patient efforts

Four pillars build a good roof for the child to grow up under: Communication (spelt: L – I – S – T – E – N) Be role model. Do what you expect the child to do Be consistent and clear in laying down rules Build the child’s self-esteem: Praise more than scold

Listening: Learn to listen actively, not passively. Give full attention Never dismiss what the child is saying as “childish” Encourage the child to talk on any topic – nothing is taboo Do not interrupt when he is speaking Teach the child to express his emotions: “I am …… happy, angry, jealous, excited, frustrated, confused …….” Do not bring in studies or results when the child is talking on some other topic Accept even wrong actions ….. for the moment. You can correct him later.

Be a role model “Children are very poor at listening to their parents, but they are very good at mimicking them” Be aware of your words and actions when the child is around Don’t make commitments you can’t live up to Accept your mistakes when you do something wrong Discuss your actions, and ask your child his opinion about them

Consistency: Same rules at all time, do not keep changing Make rules before a crisis or argument takes place Explain why rule is being made, and take child’s opinion Mother and father should follow same rules, and never push the child to each other Describe punishment in advance, and let it be on an increasing scale for repeated acts Discuss rules of YOUR family, and explain why you do not follow others’ norms

Self Esteem Criticize the action, not the child Do not compare the child with ANYONE else Identify good qualities or actions of the child and repeat them Give “non-material” rewards Balance punishment and rewards Never kill the dreams of a child – allow him to dream, dream, dream

Challenges Every parent has to face challenges of a growing child. Don’t be a source of greater stress to your child Prepare in advance, do not do “fire-fighting” when something goes wrong Learn to grow with your child. Yesterday’s rules are not applicable today Never start a sentence with “When I was your age …..”

Punishment: Punishment is necessary, but “HOW” ? Immediate. Children forget what they did very soon Punish action, not person. Never put down the child Describe what he did, affect on others, what you felt, and what punishment is being given (do it in private) Punishment should be proportionate to the act Do not threaten unless you mean it Immediately after punishing, become normal, give love Identify “positive-reinforcers” use rewards and praise Look for small opportunities to appreciate the child

Respect and Trust How you treat your spouse decides how your child will treat you If you want him to respect you, give him respect Trust the child – even if he’s let you down earlier Show your commitment to the family at all times. Do not tell outsiders Be open and frank, never do anything behind the child’s back

All the above are based on real life experiences – they work ! But it takes time to get results. Be patient and consistent Do not take your role as a parent too seriously “Don’t be so worried about what your child will become, that you forget what he is TODAY”

Ms.Asha DCS, ADFC, Msc (Psy) for any guidance or help contact: Banjara Academy 1st Main, 1st Block, RT Nagar, Bangalore 32 Phones: 23535787 23535766 Website: www.banjaraacademy.org Email: banjarahh@gmail.com Ms.Asha DCS, ADFC, Msc (Psy) along with a dedicated team of committed counselors is available Mon-Sat 9:30 am to 5:30 pm at the above address 13