Relationships A connection a person has with another is defined as a relationship. Healthful relationship – a relationship that promotes self-respect, encourages productivity and health, and is free from violence and/or drug or alcohol abuse. Harmful relationship – a relationship that does not foster self-respect, interferes with productivity and health, and includes violence and/or drug or alcohol abuse.

Profiles of People Who Relate in Harmful Ways Abuser – a person who puts down, threatens, and harms others Center – a person who ignores the needs of others and is self-centered Clinger – a person who is needy, dependent and suffocates others Controller – a person who is possessive, jealous and domineering Distancer – a person who is emotionally unavailable and pushes others away Enabler – a person who supports the harmful behavior of others Fixer – a person who takes over other people’s responsibilities and meddles in their affairs Liar – a person who does not tell the truth People Pleaser – a person who constantly seeks approval, and will do almost anything to be liked. Promise Breaker – a person who is unreliable and agrees to change behavior but never does so.

Bullying / Teasing / Hazing Bullying is repeatedly doing or saying things to intimidate or dominate another person. It may be physical or verbal. Teasing is making fun of someone in a good-natured way. When teasing becomes one-sided, cruel, causes someone distress, and is done repeatedly, it then turns into bullying. Hazing is the physical and/or emotional abuse a person endures while trying to become or stay part of a group, regardless of that person’s willingness to participate.

Characteristics of Bullies Need to feel powerful and in control Often “pick on” targets that are weaker and smaller May have an inflated self-image Receive satisfaction from inflicting injury and suffering on others Lack empathy or feeling of concern for their victims May be a victim themselves Come from an environment where this type of behavior is condoned – (they don’t see anything wrong with it) Will often blame the victim for their actions and/or lie about their actions toward the victim

Handling Bullies Ignore Them – once a bully sees they are no longer getting a reaction, they often will move on to another victim. Confront Them – often a bully will go “unchecked” until they are called on their actions. In a non-physical way, “stand up” to the bully and firmly state you want the behavior to stop. Report It – this can be done in a subtle way, and if there is no relief, then the report must be made more “aggressively.”

Domestic Violence Domestic Violence is defined as abuse by one person in a relationship to control the other. Often times, this abuse is done by someone you know, depend on and live with. It can take on many forms, including physical abuse, verbal and emotional abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, and intimidation. Because of this type of violence and abuse, victims live in difficult circumstances. They often face repeated and prolonged attacks.

Cycle of Domestic Violence Build Up or Escalation Phase – frustration, anger, and tension build up inside the offender. Offender becomes more cruel and increasingly controlling. Explosion or Battering Phase – this is the phase where abuse and battering (physical contact) occur. The offender unloads or unleashes the built-up anger and tension. Victim will often feel trapped, fearful, and helpless. Honeymoon Phase – offender has unloaded and feels a sense of relief. This is often followed by remorse, apologies, and pleading for forgiveness.

Breaking the Cycle Develop a support network – talk to friends, family or others who have gone through a similar situation. Counseling – the offender and victim need to solve the root of the problem, otherwise it is difficult to break the cycle. Leave the relationship – often this is difficult, as there are often many mitigating factors (children, property, financial issues, etc.)

Terms to Know Mandatory Reporter: a person who is required by law to report suspected child abuse. Neglect: the lack of proper care and guidance. Protective Order: an order of the court issued by a judge to prohibit a domestic violence offender from committing further acts of violence. Restraining Order: an order by the court that forbids a person from coming within a certain distance of the victim. Stalking: repeatedly engaging in harassing or threatening behavior.