I CAN REVISE THAT SENTENCE: A LESSON ON WORDINESS Be Concise! IMAGINE THAT MS. B WILL GIVE YOU one hundred BUCKS FOR EACH WORD THAT YOU ELIMINATE, HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD YOU GET?

On a sheet of looseleaf paper, make these sentences stronger by deleting unnecessary words. In addition to deleting words, this may also require rearranging and exchanging words. Try to keep the meaning close to the original. This work will be collected next class.

This one is done for you 1. By the time she got home, Ms. Baker was very tired. Revised: By the time she got home, exhaustion overwhelmed Ms. Baker. * Hint: Almost always, “very” and “extremely” are unnecessary words and should be deleted.

2. The clown who was in the center ring was riding a tricycle.

Revise the sentence using fewer words: Actual Student Sentence: 3. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose. 16 words --------

4. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by Dr 4. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by Dr. Jordan within the next few days. 18 WORDS--------

5. Ms. Baker dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for her to help support her family. 22 WORDS---------

6. Some people believe in capital punishment, while other people are against it; there are many opinions on this subject. 19 WORDS------

7. The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class. 22 words--------

8. And 9. Find sentences in your Mockingbird essay that seem to be too wordy. Write two of those sentences on your piece of looseleaf paper. Count the words. Then, write your revised version of those two sentences (AND FIX THEM IN YOUR ESSAY). When you are finished with the two, look for more and more and more. You don’t need to write these others on your paper, but you do need to make them ALL more concise in your actual essay.