Conciseness Getting to the Point

What is conciseness? Use the most effective words using the least amount of writing. Not always the fewest words (though that’s often true). Choose the best words. Avoid weak and unnecessary words. We want the highest level of readability possible.

Replace several vague words with more powerful and specific words. Example: Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for her. (14 words) More Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored her. (6 words) Our Web site has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist. (20 words) Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist. (9 words)

Interrogate every word in a sentence In other words, decide what is absolutely necessary. Example: Wordy: The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class. (22 words) More Concise: Concise: The teacher demonstrated methods for cutting words from my essay. (10 words)

Combine Sentences Semicolons are not usually best here, and compound sentences (joining with a comma and FANBOY) doesn’t always help either. Consider how you can combine ideas instead. Example: Wordy: Ludwig's castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. By his death, he had commissioned three castles. (18 words) More Concise: Concise: Ludwig's three castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. (11 words)

Now that our drafts are finished… Sentence by sentence, we’re going to attempt to make this essay more concise. Just like the exercises on my website, I want you to separate your letter into individual lines: I am writing to inform you of an inefficiency in our stock room which has caused repeated delays in order fulfillment at If-You-Like-It-Put-A-Ring-On-It, Inc. I believe that changing our stock of wedding rings from a price-based organization to a diamond-cut organization would improve order fulfilment in a timelier manner and make stock management simpler . Currently, our stock room is organized by the retail price of the ring. This creates three major problems for our workers when they organize our rings .   Becomes: I am writing to inform you of an inefficiency in our stock room which has caused repeated delays in order fulfillment at If-You-Like-It-Put-A-Ring-On-It, Inc. I believe that changing our stock of wedding rings from a price-based organization to a diamond-cut organization would improve order fulfilment in a timelier manner and make stock management simpler . Currently, our stock room is organized by the retail price of the ring. This creates three major problems for our workers when they organize our rings.

I am writing to inform you of an inefficiency in our stock room which has caused repeated delays in order fulfillment at If-You-Like-It-Put-A-Ring-On-It, Inc. I believe that changing our stock of wedding rings from a price-based organization to a diamond-cut organization would improve order fulfilment in a timelier manner and make stock management simpler . Currently, our stock room is organized by the retail price of the ring. This creates three major problems for our workers when they organize our rings.