Boosting Self- Confidence and Self- Esteem LeAnna Rice Mental Health Outreach Coordinator

The UCC University Counseling Center 15 counselors Social Work Graduate Interns Peer Educators (M-Hope) 2 Clerical Staff Members New Location!!! Old O’Connor, 2nd Floor Website: http://www.binghamton.edu/counseling/ Phone Number: 607-777-2772

Difference Between Self-esteem and Self-confidence Your opinion of yourself and your worth How you feel about yourself as a person Self-confidence: Your view on your abilities to accomplish something How you feel about your abilities to handle certain situations and tasks Can be confident in one area, but not in another

Interaction between the Two If you have high self-confidence, you may realize your strengths and therefore view yourself as a stronger individual which can increase self-esteem Some people with high confidence have low self-esteem: Celebrities: outstanding talent, confidence in their abilities, but so much pressure to act or look a certain way which lowers their self- esteem

People base their self- esteem and confidence on: Competence: who you are is linked to how well you perform at things that matter most to you Reaching goals, motivation, and personal abilities But, linking your self-esteem to competence can result in some unhealthy behaviors: perfectionism, being too afraid to try for fear of failure Worthiness: concerned with being “good enough” Acceptance or rejection of others (worthy as an individual or in a group) Example: track runner, that’s all you focus on, but then lets say you get injured and cant play anymore, where is your self esteem going to come from? Also, this can result in comparing yourself to other people Being successful in areas that aren’t that important to you doesn’t necessarily boost self esteem  must be something that is important to you Competence: fragile foundation cause failure is always possible, prevalent in western countries Worthiness values interpersonal relationships Competence if more of a behavior, worthiness is more of a feeling

Is this a problem? Depends: If you rely too much on one over the other, you may have a higher risk of hurting your self-esteem or confidence

Competence and Worthiness Competence of completing tasks (i.e. success) is balanced by your integrity and personal values Grounded in performance More of a behavior Worthiness is grounded in interpersonal values More of a feeling Basing your self-esteem and confidence off of both of these will help you have a long lasting, positive sense of self. For this slide, just reiterate what competence and worthiness are and stress that basing our confidence or self esteem on both is what we are encouraging

Activity Write down a few things you feel you are competent in and care about.

Can you have too much self-esteem or confidence? Being confident does not = being arrogant or full of your self There is no such thing as “too much” Would you tell someone they have too much physical health or too strong of an immune system? Having high self-esteem or confidence does not mean you think you are superior to others  happy with who you are, not about being better than someone else Confident people do not feel the need to verbally flaunt their accomplishments

Activity Write down three things you like about yourself: Write down three things you don’t like about yourself: They will write this down on a paper here. We will come back to it later.

Behaviors associated with high self-confidence Behaviors associated with low self-confidence Doing or saying what you believe to be right, even if other people criticize you for it. Altering what you do or say based on what other people think or believe. Allowing yourself to take risks. Remaining in your comfort zone due to fear of failure. Admitting when you are wrong, but realizing you are not perfect and everything is a learning experience. Trying to cover up your mistakes, or excessively apologizing. Accepting compliments in a graceful manner. Dismissing compliments and trivializing your skills and achievements. Self-confidence can show in many different ways: your behavior, your body language, how you speak, and what you say. This is a spectrum. Some more out going opinionated or shy (keep that in mind) High confident: risk could be taking a dance class even if you’ve never danced before It is not conceited to accept a compliment!

Remember… Self-confidence and self-esteem are not constant But it is important to practice skills to hopefully maintain a healthy level between the two In order to maintain a healthy level, like we mentioned you don’t want to base confidence and self-esteem all on competence or all on worthiness

How do we improve our self-esteem and self-confidence?

Tips for Building Self- confidence Focus on what you have accomplished as opposed to focusing on what you have not achieved Think of things you are good at / your strengths Set specific goals and aim to achieve them Positive self-talk Find a hobby Reflect on your environment Accept that you are not perfect Remember: you cannot develop confidence overnight; it is a process and one must actively practice these skills Is your environment toxic? Are the people you’re surrounding yourself with putting you down? This can be difficult though: If it’s a new friend, you could potentially distance yourself. But if its an old friend, then we need to change our thought process and engage in more positive self talk.

Self-confidence and Body Language Cognitive Dissonance: when we have 2 conflicting or opposing ideas about ourselves Our mind automatically tries to “protest” this disagreement Body Language: If someone who is unconfident forces him or herself to use confident body language, over time he or she will actually start to feel more confident Nonverbal communication can say a lot Bullet #2: over time, the mind tries to bring these opposing ideas together to form one coherent idea Bullet #4: mind will alter the unconfident feelings to become more in line with the confident body language one is using. Our bodies change our minds Studies have been done  possible to improve confidence by changing body position

Altering our Body Language Posture Take up more space Power Posing Of course, we’re not implying one should invade someone elses space Remember: our nonverbal communication govern how we think and feel about ourselves Posture: standing up straight is associated with confidence while slouching is sometimes associated with submissiveness Take up more space: when one slouches, it appears that he or she is trying to look less threatening  utilizing more space portrays confidence Power Posing: chest lifted, head held high, arms either up or propped on the hips

Confirmation Bias “A tendency to search for or interpret information in a way that confirms one’s preconceptions, leading to statistical errors” (Science Daily) We should try to be aware of this and challenge these thoughts or else we can become stuck in a cycle Ex. I’m bad at cooking  I cook for my friends and they don’t finish everything on their plate  I think to myself “They obviously didn’t finish the food cause they did not like the taste since I am a bad cook

Reframing Thoughts Use milder wording: Not engaging in all-or-nothing thinking I am going to fail this test vs. I may not do as well as I would like on this test Changing your perspective is imperative! I’m stupid because I failed this test  It was a hard test and I tried my hardest ... or ... Just because I did not do as well as I would have liked does not make me stupid; I know I am smart I am always messing up  Sometimes I make mistakes, but so does everyone else. There are many times when I do things correctly.

Activity Time Look back at the sheet from the last activity. Try to reframe negative thoughts you have about yourself to make them less harsh.