“He Said, She Said: Understanding Gender Differences in Communication” Sue Gillies BA, BAppSci, MBA CMGMA, September 15th, 2017

Guidelines/Underlying Assumptions

Communication Impacts All Aspects of our Businesses Emotions Stress Levels Satisfaction Efficiency Quality Bottom Line Compliance/Legal Creativity/Uniqueness Competition Reputation/Brand

Many Ways to Evaluate Communication…..... Another tool in your tool kit

It’s Not That Black and White…. We all have masculine and feminine traits Where do you sit on the continuum? Masculine_____________________Feminine

A Story! Insert Video 1 Insert Video 2

Equals but not the same! Speaking Listening Body Language Conflict Resolution Problem Solving/Decision Making Work Place Relationships and Needs

Why? Brains- Different Wiring Evolution- Cave Men/Women Socialization- Gender Roles

Attributes Masculine Feminine In control/take charge Independent Focused Logical Decisive Disciplined Stable Confident Hierarchical Competitive Nurturing Interdependent Receptive Emotional Empathetic Creative Patient Vulnerable Communal Cooperative

Lets dive a little deeper into these differences Speaking Listening Body Language Conflict Resolution Problem Solving/Decision Making Work Place Relationships and Needs

Speaking Masculine Feminine Direct/demands Reason for talking Facts/report Say what they mean Sport/war metaphors Indirect/ask questions Process out loud Feelings/rapport Imply what they mean Home/relationship metaphors

Bridging the Gaps Masculine: Feminine: Both- A direct communication style may be taken personally by the feminine. Be wary of offering solutions and invalidating feelings. Avoid interruptions. Explain your thinking rather than simply jumping to conclusions. Be considerate of the emotional element. Feminine: Be concise, get to the point in a speedier manner. Use action oriented language. Avoid offering unsolicited advice and direction. Masculine reads a question as being insecure. Be cognizant of the intellectual element. Both- Use gender neutral metaphors e.g. weather/nature

Listening Listening Video

Listening Masculine Feminine Listen to fix Actions/content Listen to one thing at a time Likely to interrupt View this as an interruption or a lack of attention Listen to improve People/feelings Shift back and forth in listening Take turns Participatory listening (finish off other sentences

Bridging the Gaps Masculine: Feminine: Both: Show the feminine that you are listening, use eye contact Avoid interruptions Feminine: Understand that interruptions are not always meant to indicate disinterest Avoid finishing sentences Both: Clarify how you would like the other person to listen (fix, improve, just listen)

Body Language Masculine Feminine Eye contact not important Nod to indicate agreement 45 angle Commanding physical presence Eye contact indicates interest Nod to indicate interest Face each other Read body language and pick up non verbal cues

Bridging the Gaps Masculine: Feminine: Appreciate that the feminine is more sensitive to on verbal cues Use eye contact to indicate that you are listening and interested in the conversation Feminine: Understand that eye contact is not necessary for the masculine to be listening, and that nodding may be confusing.

Conflict and Conflict Resolution Masculine Feminine Argue more and find it interesting to disagree Just fix the problem Competing and achieving Seek agreement and see disagreement as more threatening to relationships Hash out the details Harmony and relating

Bridging the Gaps Masculine: Feminine: Recognize that confrontation may cause the feminine retreat. Try to reframe the conflict as more ritual than real Feminine: Be aware that the masculine likes to argue. Try not to personalize it Recognize the value of conflict and allow yourself and others to take a strong position

Problem Solving/Decision Making Problem Solving Video

Problem Solving/Decision Making Masculine Feminine Goal oriented/linear Analytical One solution at a time At ease with order, rules Want to get to work immediately Decisive/results oriented More comfortable giving and taking orders Assertive Process oriented/holistic Intuitive As many options as possible At ease with fluidity Tend to ask a lot of questions before beginning Consultative/ collaborative More comfortable with giving and taking suggestions Cooperative

Bridging the Gaps Masculine: Feminine: Be open to hearing several ways to solve the same problem. Allow the feminine to ask questions Appreciate the benefits of collaboration Feminine: Limit solutions, prioritize Be sure the masculine has adequate information Appreciate the benefits of making singular decisions Both Clarify if you gathering information to seek consensus or to be the ultimate decision maker

Exercise: Planning a meeting Masculine Feminine

Planning a Meeting Masculine Feminine Just the facts Key topic/purpose General time Plan the whole meeting Agenda Date/Time/Location Attendees Snacks Potential issues Bridging the Gaps: - Appreciate your audience

Workplace Relationships and Needs Masculine Feminine Independent Represent self Focus on power/rank/status Internalizes stress/goes into the cave Respected Admired Sense of control over their environment Interdependent Represent others Thrive on relationship building Talk and explore Cherished-Appreciated Valued for what they bring to the conversation/workplace Safe

Putting into Practice Presence/ Awareness Appreciation/ Agility/Practice Appreciation/ Beliefs/’Shoulds’

Above all…..... Focus on the sameness! -the issue, not the person -what you focus on is what you get

Revisit opening story Show video again What went wrong? What could have been done differently?

Practice: Work Place Scenarios What would each participant need to be aware of in the following interactions? Female MA explaining a procedure to a male patient Male doctor listening to a female patient describe her Female practice manager problem solving with a male doctor A male MA transitioning a patient to a female MA Practice Manager speaking to a mixed gender staff A biller speaking to about finances to a patient A female practice manager speaking to a male radiology leader Scenarios if there’s time

Fun Gender Communication Quiz https://teachingpublicspeaking.wordpress.com/2013/12/06/examples-for-malefemale-communication-differences/

Sue Gillies Change, Strategy, Improvement Coaching, Consulting suegillies@treconsulting.net