Parenting and Middle School Caryl Oris ,MD Psychiatrist

Let’s Start our Journey Infancy Elementary School years MIDDLE SCHOOL and PUBERTY! Greater independence, house keys, hanging out with friends. “I’m not interested in piano anymore” “Soccer is boring” “Dance is for babies” “I don’t want to join a club,” Myths Adolescence is an inherently terrible time Teen behavior is due to raging hormones Teens have poor reasoning and poor decision making Teens do not consider the consequences of their actions As parents, we need to hold our collective breath and get through this turbulent time: Survival?

Adolescence: It Lasts a Long Time! Mid 1800’s: 5 years long. 1900: About 7 years long 1950-present: Significant drop in age of puberty. Average age is now 12. And average age of marriage keeps increasing. The average 25 year old is twice as likely to be in school as in the past It is much less likely for a 25 year old to be married today Most 25 year olds are still supported to some degree by parents. So adolescence now is considered to last about 15 years!

Importance of the Teen Years Recent research in brain science tells us that these adolescent years are a time of great possibility and opportunity, not a time to dread and pray it will soon be over! So much that happens to the teen during these years can have lasting effects, both good and bad, on their adulthood. Parents need to better understand these brain changes to know how best to react to, advise, and encourage interests, strengths, and academics.

The Brain

How the Brain Grows Back to front and inside out Vital body functions (vision, hearing, speech) develop first: Back of the brain. High level thinking takes much longer to develop, and functions such as making complicated decisions, planning, organizing, self-regulation, are not fully mature until the mid-20’s. Front of the brain (PREFRONTAL CORTEX) Inside of brain: Emotional center, reward center. Develops before front of brain (more regulatory). Like a car with great acceleration but poor brakes.

PRUNING During adolescence, the brain gets rid of nerve pathways that are not being used: USE IT OR LOSE IT. Nerve pathways used a lot get stronger. The brain is becoming faster and more efficient Learning takes place faster than any other time Which pathways do you want your child to keep?

The Brain is a Plastic Brain! Plasticity: the ability of the brain to be molded by experience. It’s not nature vs nurture: IT’S BOTH! Adolescence is the time of life of greatest plasticity. What does this mean? Brain is more open to the outside world More affected by both positive as well as negative experiences This makes adolescence a unique time to expose your teenager to as much positive experience as possible. This also makes adolescence a unique time to try to prevent exposure of your teenager to negative environmental factors This is why PARENTS ARE SO CRITICAL AT THIS AGE! Teens need to challenge themselves academically and engage in positive, challenging activities.

One More Point about this Brain: DOPAMINE! Dopamine is a chemical substance in the brain responsible for feelings of pleasure: it’s the I GOTTA HAVE IT chemical. Puberty leads to increased dopamine: there is MORE DOPAMINE IN THE REWARD CENTER OF THE BRAIN IN ADOLESCENCE THAN AT ANY OTHER TIME! This makes teens seek out pleasurable, rewarding experiences IN SPITE OF ASSOCIATED RISKS. And the Prefrontal Cortex is not yet fully mature: poor braking system.

THIS IS WHY TEENS TAKE MORE RISKS! Increased levels of dopamine in the teen brain makes the teen crave reward and excitement more than any other time in life Leads teen to focus on the positive reward of an activity, while placing less importance on the risk and danger of the activity. It’s not that the teen doesn’t know or understand the negative consequences, it’s that THEY CRAVE THE REWARD AND EXCITEMENT OVER THE RISK. And the PFC, which can put the brakes on such decisions, is still developing: PARENTS NEED TO BE THE PFC! We need to provide the brakes they don’t fully have.

Make the Risks POSITIVE, not NEGATIVE Keep them away from negative dangerous risks as much as possible: Cigarette smoking Graduated licensing Driving with peers Unsupervised time Promote positive risk taking as much as possible: Starting a new sport or activity School play New job (volunteer work) New responsibilities

Teens Love Relationships Need to fit in, create an identity. Social media crucial to the teen. FOMO. SLEEP. Younger teens need social media monitored How is your teen managing social interactions? “No one likes me” “I have no friends” “My friends are on X-Box” “I don’t want to join anything” Is it more than shyness? Peer pressure: highest in Middle School. In general, teens who enjoy close, affectionate relationships with their parents will succumb less to negative peer pressure.

Some Guidelines for Parents “Where are you going and with whom? If your plans change, I need to know.” These are my guidelines for you: drugs, alcohol, curfew, etc. Younger teens need parental supervision. Most high risk behaviors occur after school while parents are still at work. Get to know your child’s friends.

This is a Vulnerable Brain Just as it is open and vulnerable to new exciting challenges, it is also vulnerable to negative influence More vulnerable to stress than at any other time of life Half of ALL psychiatric conditions begin by age 14. One in five teens have a diagnosable psychiatric condition. Try a drug before age 18: 25% chance of addiction. Try a drug after 18: 4% chance.

It’s All About….Self-Regulation Marshmallow test: Delayers had higher SAT scores, completed more years of school, had higher incomes, had less obesity and substance abuse. More than any other character trait, self-regulation is associated with greater success in life: good things come to those who can delay gratification Implications for Parenting: Delaying gratification High expectations Value of education: college graduate earns twice as much as a high school graduate. Value of homework, good study skills, reading, good school attendance.

Parent Involvement in School Involvement is NOT limited to elementary school! Your interest and involvement in school remains an important component of your child’s academic success. Avoid “how was school today?”. Ask specific questions: “Tell me about the book you are reading in English”, or “Show me the sorts of problems you are working on in math. I wonder if I can do them!” Discuss current events and issues at dinner. Try to turn off all screens. Continue to read aloud. Visit library together. Establish quiet time at home for reading. Attend school meetings and events.

School Refusal First, make sure your child does not have a serious mental health condition: Anxiety Disorder Mood Disorder Substance Use Disorder Firm limit-setting is needed. School is not negotiable. No home instruction. Collaborate with school to devise proper interventions for regular attendance. Avoid taking vacations while school is in session.

To Sum Up…. Parents need to be very present in their teenager’s lives; we must be the brakes they are lacking. Guide your child to stay in positive, skill-building activities; place limits on video games Reinforcing the importance of education and learning is critical. Have family reading time, discussions over dinner. EAT DINNER TOGETHER WITH ALL SCREENS OFF! Most of all: Talk, ask questions, stay connected with your teen. They need us much more than they realize!