There’s No business like craic business

Monodon Monoceros Toothed whale “Tusk" from canine tooth (male)  Arctic waters around  Greenland, Canada, and Russia. Related most closely with the beluga whale. Can live up to 50 years. Often killed by suffocation when the sea ice freezes over.  Another cause of fatality, specifically among young whales, is starvation. harvested for over a thousand years by Inuit people in northern Canada and Greenland for meat and ivory, and a regulated subsistence hunt continues.

Practice dueling. In constant preparation for battle against their mortal enemies the Three Toed Sloth Narwhals are particularly sensitive about their big tooth, and Frank (that asshole) made a really insensitive joke on twitter about how twisted the tooth was… It is actually the case that (now extinct) Giant Sloths invented twitter (before the Internet no less) and used it only for nastily taunting stoopid looking animals. Sloths are jerks. Just ask the Dodo, they committed mass suicide just to avoid the pre-cyber-bullying

Approximately twice every month Narwhals conglomerate to pay homage to their God, Cthulhu. Their ritual singing can be heard throughout the land The song has been fabled to lure German sailors to their deaths

The permit process is highly contentious There is a small segment of the human population that performs sex with Narwhals. The permit process is highly contentious There have only been 3 reported cases of people dying post intercourse with Narwhals. Coroner report confirms spontaneous combustion as the cause of death in each case due to prolonged proximity to large quantities of hot hot blubber.