Chapter 8: “Choosing to Marry” Mrs.Karen Swope Family and Consumer Sciences Columbian High School

Earliest Marriage Unions Occurred by capture A warrior from a neighboring tribe would capture his woman and carry her to his hut. The custom of carrying the bride over the threshold evolved from this.

Arranged Marriages Done by the father to acquire alliances. Done to acquire wealth and land. The father no longer wanted the “burden” of caring for his daughter. Arranged marriages still occur today, in some cultures.

Customs Stemming from Arranged Marriages DOWRY - payment or gifts made by the bride’s family to the groom for taking the girl off the father’s hands. It may be livestock, gold, land. The modern day “Hope Chest” evolved from the dowry. BETROTHAL - gifts paid by the groom to the father of the bride. It may be livestock, gold, or land.

Marriage Customs Still in Use Today White dress: virginity Rice, seeds, petals thrown at the couple: fertility Wedding shower: “showering” the couple with gifts for their new household.

Marriage Customs Floral bouquets: confuses evil spirits; covers up body odors.

Marriage Customs White linen aisle runner: used to keep the bride’s gown clean

Qualities to Bring to a Marriage Ability to give and receive love Ability to express empathy Can accept differences in a partner Can accept emotions and control them Can express emotions without hurting another

Qualities to Bring to a Marriage cont. Flexible and can accept change Being flexible means being willing to compromise. Being flexible also means being accepting and tolerant of certain personality traits. Finally, being able to think through decisions and share in joint decision making is an important trait to bring to a marriage.

Qualities that Hinder a Marriage Relationship Being self-centered Insensitive to partners needs Rigid, unwilling to change Cannot communicate feelings openly Reacts in an emotional or unreasonable way.

Evaluating a Relationship Age at marriage: the link between age and marriage success is related to emotional, mental, and social maturity as well as a couples financial stability. A person is better prepared to make a lifetime commitment to marriage after the teen years.

Evaluating a Relationship cont. HOMOGAMY: people who have much in common have a more satisfying marriage. People are attracted to others with similar interests, life goals and values, and similar backgrounds.

Complementary Qualities When a person is attracted to another who is quite different from them. These differences benefit the relationship. The strengths of one person compliment the weakness of the other. Examples?

Positive Reasons for Marrying Mature love Companionship Intimacy Desire to grow together throughout life

Negative Reasons for Marrying Total infatuation with each other To avoid loneliness For financial security To escape family problems Because all their friends are getting married. To achieve adult status Because of pregnancy, trap a partner

Summary There are many marriage customs and traditions still in existence today. Before marriage couples should consider what qualities are being brought to the marriage. Homogamous partners tend to experience greater success in a marriage relationship. There are both positive and negative reasons for marrying.