Character Trait: Forgiveness Based on pages 94-102 of What Do You Stand For? For Teens: A Guide to Building Character by Barbara A. Lewis

“Hate is like acid. It can damage the vessel in which it is stored as well as destroy the object on which it is poured.” - Ann Landers

What is Forgiveness? a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness

An Example of Forgiveness Running Time: 3:29 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2BITY-3Mp4

10 Steps to Forgiving Others

1. Acknowledge and Accept What Was Done to You Don’t ignore it or bury it. Buried things rot.

2. Report the Offense If a rule or law was broken, report it to the appropriate authority (parent, teacher, principal, law enforcement, etc.) Offenders should be held accountable for what they do

3. Let Your Feelings Out Get mad, yell, cry if you want to Jog, run, throw a football, pound your pillow Anger held inside can make you sick

4. Talk With a Caring Adult or Friend Explain what happened and how you feel Get professional help if you need it

5. Write About Your Feelings Write down your feelings in a journal. You can leave out names or other details if you are afraid someone might read your journal.

6. Tell the Offender How You Feel Sometimes people aren’t aware that they’ve hurt you. Focus on the problem, not the person

7. Ask the Offender to Make Things Right Sometimes this may not be possible

8. Seek a Higher Power (If this is appropriate for you) Ask to be relieved of your anger and desire for revenge Ask for the strength to forgive

9. Forgive the Offender You have the power to hold onto anger and hatred, but consider the cost Say , “I forgive you.” without expecting the other person to say sorry Forgiveness is about you letting go, not about the other person saying, “Sorry.”

10. Serve the Offender Demonstrate that you truly forgive the other person by doing something for him/her Don’t expect anything in return

9 Steps to Forgiving Yourself

1. Admit What You Did Take responsibility for your actions

2. Let Yourself Feel Guilty Your guilt should lead you to action

3. Talk With a Caring Adult or Friend Explain what happened and how you feel Get professional help if you need it

4. Say You’re Sorry and Ask for Forgiveness Be sincere Recognize that the other person may need more time to forgive you. It might not happen at the time you ask for forgiveness.

5. Accept the Consequences Understand that forgiveness does not always eliminate consequences

6. Do What You Can to Make Things Right If you stole money, give it back If you cheated, retake the test If you spray painted graffiti, paint over it

7. If You Hurt Another Person, Serve Him or Her Demonstrate that you truly want forgiveness by doing something for the other person Don’t expect anything in return

8. Seek a Forgiveness From a Higher Power (If this is appropriate for you) Ask for the strength not to repeat the wrong.

9. Forgive Yourself Don’t be too hard on yourself Learn from the mistake

On Your Own