Improving Descriptive Writing Painting an Original Picture

Purpose of Being Descriptive Engages and entertains reader Conveys honest interpretation of an event/item

Keys of Being Descriptive Be original and creative Use the senses (SHOW, DON’T TELL) Use strong verbs For example, instead of this: Try this: The sun cut itself on a sharp peak and bled into the valley.—John Steinbeck The hot, yellow sun went behind the mountain and covered the valley in red.

Step One: Use the Senses Taste Sight Smell Sound Feel And don’t jump to the obvious. I know what color GRASS is; I want to know what is smells like and feels like. I know what VANILLA tastes like; I want to know what it sounds like.

Step One: Use the Senses The less obvious it is, the more you tap into your reader’s true understanding of an object. (and, it’s more entertaining for the reader!) No one thinks about what the sun tastes like! No one thinks about what green smells like! No one thinks about what hair sounds like!

Step One: Use the Senses Practice In five sentences, write what you think: A doctor’s office smells like Fire tastes like Rain feels like on a summer day Fear sounds like A movie theatre sounds like A sunset looks like Metaphors and similes work really well!!

How’s This? She was super hero beautiful. Her hair was as black as coal, her lips red as blood. Is it original and creative?

Clichés: The Descriptive Killer 1 : a trite phrase or expression; Also : the idea expressed by it 2 : something (as a menu item) that has become overly familiar or commonplace

Finding Clichés Through Experience If you have seen it Or heard it It’s probably a cliché

Finding Clichés Through Others Ask someone really old (You know, anyone over 21)

Finding Clichés On-line Choose a keyword to look up Go to a cliché website and look up the keyword Cliché finder is one of the best places to look: http://www.westegg.Com/cliche/ You may have to try more than one keyword

Fixing Clichés Identify the clichés Replace them with more descriptive writing Think of a new comparison Look up words in a thesaurus www.m-w.com

A Little Practice Each of you will be given a poem Identify ALL the clichés Replace half of them (you can choose the easiest ones if you’d like) Don’t worry about making it rhyme We’ll do the first stanza together

Which of the following do think are clichés? She’s as pure as the driven snow, She’s as pure as the driven snow, Her face is as white as a sheet, Her hands are as smooth as silk, Her nails as red as a beet. Her face is as white as a sheet, Her hands are as smooth as silk, Her nails as red as a beet.

Same Old New Girl She’s as pure as the driven snow, Her face is as white as a sheet, Her hands are as smooth as silk, Her nails as red as a beet. Her hair is like the golden sun, Her eyes blue like the sky, She’s as beautiful as an angel, and as hot as a firecracker on the 4th of July. Her temper is as quick as lightning, Her hatred cold as ice, Her laughter is loud and clear, But her crying is as quiet as mice. Her beauty may be skin deep, But her mind is as sharp as a knife. I’m just small potatoes, And she seems larger than life They say she’s one in a million, But I don’t believe what they say. If she’s all that and a bag of chips, Why say it with a cliché? Assignments turned in tomorrow at the beginning of class will be eligible for full credit

Step Two: Examine the verbs Verb create action and enhance the visual you’ve created with the senses There are DULL verbs and there are STRONG verbs

Dull Verbs To be verbs (am, are, is, was, were, been being) You can use these, but they typically only tell the reader something I was walking down the street. She was crying in the corner.

Dull Verbs Some other common boring verbs: be, do, get, go, have, make, put, run, see, take, talk, use Again, these verbs only tell the reader what is happening. The writer provides no opportunity to visualize the scene.

Use Active Verbs I walked down the street. I dragged my feet over the gravel road, searching for a drop of water. She was crying in the corner. Her whole body shook as she sobbed into her hand.

Practice! She jumped with excitement. The mouse ran across the floor. He was smiling as she spoke. The children played on the playground.