Plan for session What are the difficult conversations? A systems approach Understanding-a listening framework Theories of action Advocacy / inquiry A possible plan Practice

Adult concentration at conferences

So what are the difficult ones? What are the difficult conversations you have? What makes them difficult? What about the ones you have in your head?

Conflict Competent Schools Community School Culture Feedback Principles Systems Actions/inactions Outcomes ( From McKenzie, 2002)

four key reference points Respect for self Respect for others Valid information Internal commitment to decisions

Some Greek philosophy of influence Ethos model trustworthiness Pathos seek first to understand Logos then to be understood

Ask Seek to obtain information & understanding. Ask the next question. Engage Be present for the person speaking.. Regulate your own emotions. Ask Seek to obtain information & understanding. Ask the next question. Reflect Reflect back what you understand is being said to ensure you have accuracy & to draw out more information. (feelings and facts) Summarise Give your best attempt to summarise the other’s total situation. From: Parliamentary Library- Inquiries Process

Listening framework S R A E Solution Direct Advise Problem solve Coach Support Mentor E Solution Issue Challenge Problem Opportunity

barriers to constructive listening Asking too many closed questions. Blame or judge the other. Criticising the other person’s way of expressing themselves. Pointing out flaws in the other person’s argument. Generalise the other person’s needs or problems. Use sarcasm. Making inappropriate assumptions. Focusing on the logical content and not acknowledging the emotional content. Joining in the other person’s distress. Choosing to feel attacked. Listening for an opportunity to tell my story. Giving advice / offering solutions. Distracting, humouring or avoiding the other person’s concerns.

A possible plan Make your own view explicit – Be honest, be clear, be concise, keep the tone level Say how you arrived at it – Offer evidence if that is useful Encourage other to explore your view – “do you see any gaps in my reasoning?” Actively inquire into the other’s views – How do you see it, tell me what you think? Use the “R” and “S” – reflect, paraphrase, summarise – support them to do the same – “what do you understand from what I have said?” Look for common ground – make any you see explicit, check if you have got it right – “it seems we both agree that…” Seek a commitment to action, develop a plan – This will likely involve both of you Follow up and follow through From Senge and Robinson

So what? What will you commit to next week? Who will you share this with?