Effective Communication: Active Listening Effective Communication: Receiving Messages

Blockers Today with a partner, work to identify the TYPE OF BLOCKER for each scenario on your worksheet. We will review your answers as a class. You and your partner will volunteer to be “experts” on one scenario. THEN with your partner, brainstorm a BETTER response, one that could OPEN communication, not block it. Practice. We will take turns acting out the scenarios each group chose.

Listening Roles We move in and out of roles in relationships. These roles have little to do with our official roles and functions in groups (like families), or our chronological or maturational age. Our goal is to be able to thoughtfully navigate through conversations and relationships by taking on different roles as appropriate or helpful.

Listening Roles _______________ “Listener” doesn’t actually listen. He talks only about himself, she interrupts, he ignores the other’s right to be heard, she thinks only about the present (not the future or the past), he doesn’t ask questions or make any effort to keep the conversation going, she changes the subject, he whines and complains, or she starts almost every sentence with “I.”

Listening Roles CHILD “Listener” doesn’t actually listen. He talks only about himself, she interrupts, he ignores the other’s right to be heard, she thinks only about the present (not the future or the past), he doesn’t ask questions or make any effort to keep the conversation going, she changes the subject, he whines and complains, or she starts almost every sentence with “I.”

Listening Roles ________________ “Listener” is very sympathetic. She is “in the boat” with you and rowing where you want to go, he is completely on your side, she consoles, he encourages, she denies your responsibility, or he tells you exactly what you want to hear (whether it is true and helpful or not).

Listening Roles FRIEND “Listener” is very sympathetic. She is “in the boat” with you and rowing where you want to go, he is completely on your side, she consoles, he encourages, she denies your responsibility, or he tells you exactly what you want to hear (whether it is true and helpful or not).

Listening Roles _______________ “Listener” relies on his or her own authority and power. He is in charge and controlling the rudder of the “boat,” she gives advice, he tries to find out who’s to blame, she investigates and challenges, or he “protects” by making decisions for you or solving your problem for you.

Listening Roles PARENT “Listener” relies on his or her own authority and power. He is in charge and controlling the rudder of the “boat,” she gives advice, he tries to find out who’s to blame, she investigates and challenges, or he “protects” by making decisions for you or solving your problem for you.

Listening Roles _____________________ “Listener” shares the power of reflection, analysis, and decision-making. She repeats what she has heard to make sure she understands, he asks thought-provoking questions, she helps clarify issues, he offers many possibilities when facing a problem, and she stays neutral and “mirrors” emotions.

Listening Roles ADULT “Listener” shares the power of reflection, analysis, and decision-making. She repeats what she has heard to make sure she understands, he asks thought-provoking questions, she helps clarify issues, he offers many possibilities when facing a problem, and she stays neutral and “mirrors” emotions.

Reflective JOURNAL ENTRY Think of a time when you have been each of these types of listener. How did each affect the one you were listening to?

Blockers Today you will work with a partner to review or teach each other the eight blockers. THEN with your partner, create a skit that shows how a BLOCKER can create or escalate conflict. Random assignment! HAVE FUN WITH THIS! You will practice with puppets after your “script” is ready and “perform” with your partner tomorrow at the beginning of class! PLAN THE ELEMENTS OF CONFLICT: People (Relationship? How do they know each other?) Situation (Where? When?) Problem Remember – this will not end well!

What’s a Good Question? Telling a Story … about Bicycles?

What’s a Good Question? Closed Questions Can be answered in few words (yes/no) Tend to discourage further discussion Often begin with the words “why” Can sound judgmental Open Questions Give the speaker a chance to explain or consider Give the listener more information Tend to foster discussion Usually don’t sound judgmental Good ones are objective

What’s a Good Question? Were you scared when the phone rang?

What’s a Good Question? How did you feel when your manager switched your schedules?

What’s a Good Question? Why did you go out with your best friend’s old boy/girlfriend?

What’s a Good Question? Didn’t you hate having to do the project by yourself?

What’s a Good Question? What do you think is keeping you from doing well in that class?

What’s a Good Question? How was your day, dear?

OPENING CLOSED QUESTIONS What’s a Good Question? The BEST questions are OPEN! OPENING CLOSED QUESTIONS Were you scared when the phone rang? Why did you go out with your best friend’s old boy/girlfriend? Didn’t you hate having to do the project by yourself? How was your day, dear?

What’s a Good Question? OK, now ask ME some questions!

Back to Blockers: Writing New “Scripts” Now, look back at your Blockers sheet. With a partner, write a new “script” for the conversation, replacing a blocker with an open-ended question. Choose one to share with the class!

Reflective JOURNAL ENTRY: Focused Free Write Think of a time when someone REALLY listened to you. You don’t need to write down what you were talking about, but remember what that experience was like for you How did it feel to be listened to? How did you know the other person was listening to you?

What is Active Listening? When you actively listen, you don’t judge the other person or try to fix his or her problems. Instead, you try to understand the speaker’s experience, feelings, and point of view and lead him or her to a clearer understanding personally.

Encourage Use verbal and nonverbal cues to let the speaker know you’re really listening. Look at the speaker’s face. Lean your body in the speaker’s direction. Nod your head to show you hear. Say things like, “I’d like to hear more about that,” or “I see what you mean.”

Clarify Ask questions to help you understand what the speaker has said or to dig deeper. Say things like “What did you mean when you said . . .” or “Could you give a little more detail? Exactly how did it happen?”

Restate Repeat in your own words what the speaker has said. This shows you are listening and helps you check for facts and meaning. For example, “So you said she would call right back and then she called two days later. Is that right?” Check your words against what the speaker meant.

Reflect “Give back” the speaker’s feelings. Listen for words that the speaker himself or herself uses. Say things like “I can see that you are very upset about this” “You’re saying that what she did really hurt your feelings” “A few minutes ago you used the word ‘betrayed.’ Does that sum up how you feel about what happened?” It shows that your care and also helps the speaker identify and evaluate his or her feelings.

Summarize Reiterate the major idea, themes, and feelings the speaker has expressed. This provides review and a basis from which to continue the dialogue Say things like, “So the main problems you have are . . . .” This is like a wrap up of what the speaker has said in the whole mediation or conversation.

Validate Show that you appreciate and respect the speaker’s efforts. Acknowledge the value of talking! Let the other person know you are glad to be part of the conversation. Say things like “I’m really glad we’re talking” “It makes me feel good that you told me about this” “This must have been difficult to talk about for you.”

Today Avoiding Blockers Active Listening Find your original partner for the Blockers activity. Review and remind! Then, when it is your turn, do this: Tell us the name of the blocker. Act it out without the blocker but instead ask an open question. Active Listening Review and practice!

Active Listening Process Encourage Clarify Restate Reflect Ask how he/she felt Ask a question that helps him/or switch points of view Summarize Facts and feelings Validate

Practice! You will work with a partner. Decide who will speak and who will listen for the first session. Later, you will rotate. The SPEAKER chooses his or her topic for each round. The LISTENER will try to keep the speaker talking for at least 7 minutes by going through the AL process. At the end of each round, the listening partner will summarize for the class what the speaker has said.

Active Listening Practice Tell about your first day of school. Choose from 1st grade, middle school, high school, or a new school. Who do you want to prove yourself to? Why? Tell about a time you got in a fight, an argument, or a misunderstanding.

Active Listening Process Encourage Clarify Restate Reflect Ask how he/she felt Ask a question that helps him/or switch points of view Summarize Facts and feelings Validate

Practice! You will work with a small group of three on this activity. Decide who will speak, who will listen, and who will observe for your first round. Later, you will rotate jobs and each of you will take on all three roles. The SPEAKER chooses his or her topic for each round. The LISTENER will try to keep the speaker talking for at least 7 minutes by going through the AL process.

THAT’S a Good Question! Goal-Setting Conversation for ME!

Time and Priorities

Time and Priorities Priorities Education/Prep for College Health and Fitness: Eating, sleeping, exercise Faith/Spiritual Development Relationships Work/Earning Money Artistic Expression/Hobbies Community/Politics Personal Entertainment Home Responsibilities Personal Hygiene

Time and Priorities 1. Copy Priorities on worksheet. 2. Use your Priorities as categories, then add up the hours you spent in each type of activity during the last week. 3. There are 168 hours in a week.

Time and Priorities Priorities Education/Prep for College Health and Fitness: Eating, sleeping, exercise Faith/Spiritual Development Relationships Work/Earning Money Artistic Expression/Hobbies Community/Politics Personal Entertainment Home Responsibilities Personal Hygiene

Time and Priorities Priorities Faith/Spiritual Development Relationships Work/Earning Money Health and Fitness: Eating, sleepng, exercise Education/Prep for College Artistic Expression/Hobbies Community/Politics Personal Entertainment 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

ANALYSIS To what degree do your priorities match your realities? EVALUATION Are you satisfied with the patterns you see? With the way you spend your time? If so, whay? If not, what do you want to do differently?

Setting an Individual Goal Short-Term Goals Long-Term Goals These types of goals can be reached through different durations of commitment Personal Goals Academic Goals These types of goals affect different yet equally important parts of your life

Setting an Individual Goal Reasonable Challenging Observable Specific SET TWO GOALS Some goals focus on what you want to DO Other goals focus on who you want to BE Outline the strategies you think you might use to reach that goal

Setting an Individual Goal Where are you starting? BASELINE How will you get to you goal? STRATEGIES What’s Your GOAL? Specific, Challenging, Observable, Reasonable, Enriching! SCORE Reflect, then what next? Celebrate? New Goal?

Facilitating Goal-Setting Let’s formulate some questions: Reasonable Challenging Observable Specific Baseline: Where are you starting? Strategies: How will you get to you goal? Timeline: ???? Reflect: ??? Celebrate: ???? Next goal: ?????

How long do you think you will need to meet your goal? If something happens to keep you from this goal, what might you do to get back on track? What might be some other plans? Why do you want that goal? Why is it important? What will you gain? What will you lose? Imagine you have reached your goal. What do you see? What will you do after you achieve this goal? What steps will you need to take to achieve your goal? When do you plan on starting toward this goal? What is keeping you from ______? Who is your role model? Done something like this? How long have you been thinking about this goal? What sacrifices do you think you will have to make? How can somebody help you achieve this goal?

Which goal would you like to talk about? Why do you want to reach this goal? What made you choose this goal? How long have you had this goal? What do you plan on doing to achieve this goal? What will you do after you achieve your goal? When do you think you will have achieved your goal? How long can you see yourself doing this goal? How do you think you will deal with this goal after you accomplish it? What have you done so far to make your goal possible? What are you to give up to achieve your goal? When you look back on the path that has brought you here, what might you have done differently?

THAT’S a Good Question! Goal-Setting Conversation for ME!

Practice! Groups of three take turns fulfilling all roles Observer takes notes on the positive ways the listener listens. Use the rubric to help – ignore the categories if they are distracting for you. Speaker gets to choose the topic and just talk! (Remember to give the listener a chance to do their thing!) Active Listener does just that – listens well! At the end of the turn, the Observer/Coach gives positive comments back to the Listener. Then, switch roles so everyone does each once.

Brainstorming for Problem-Solving When we are listening to a person who is dealing with a problem, this is what we want the SPEAKER to accomplish: Identify the problem Identify causes of the problem Consider possible reasons he/she has not yet solved the problem Restate and Transition! List possible solutions THEN let speaker choose one or two to try Summarize and validate!