The Lawful and Unlawful in regards Husband and wife Relations

Allah tells us: “And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell with them in tranquility, and He has put love and mercy between you. Indeed, in this are signs for those who reflect. “ (30:21) The Qur'an emphasizes the spiritual objectives of marriage, making them the foundations of marital life. These objectives are realized in the peace of mind which comes through wholesome sexual experience with the spouse whom one loves, in the enlargement of the circle of love and affection between the two families united through marriage, and in the nurturing of affection and tenderness among the children under the loving care of their parents.

At the same time, the Qur'an does not neglect the sensual aspect and the physical relationship between husband and wife. It guides human beings to the best path, fulfilling the demands of the sexual urge while avoiding harmful or deviant practices. Lets take for example women and Menses It is reported that the Jews and Zoroastrians used to go to extremes in avoiding any physical contact with menstruating women, while the Christians continue to have sexual relations with them without regard to the flow of blood. The Arabs would not eat, drink, or sit with women who were menstruating and would send them to separate dwelling just as the Jews and Zoroastrians did. Accordingly, some Muslims asked the Prophet about what is permitted and what is forbidden in relation to menstruating women and the following verse was then revealed: “And they ask thee about menstruation. Say: It is a hurt, so refrain from women during their menstruation and do not approach them until they are cleansed. And when they have cleansed themselves you may go in to them in the manner ordained by Allah; indeed, Allah loves those who turn to Him and He loves those who are clean. “ (2:222)

Some people understood the phrase, "Refrain from women," as meaning that they should not live together in the same house during the menstrual periods. The Prophet then explained the correct meaning of this verse, saying, “I ordered you only to refrain from having intercourse with menstruating women and did not tell you to send them out of the house as the foreigners do..” When the Jews of Madinah heard this they said, "This man does not like to leave any part of what we do unchanged, but does the opposite." So Thus the Muslim can fondle and enjoy his menstruating wife, avoiding only intercourse.

Concerning the sexual relationship and what is unlawful or lawful, these words of Allah were revealed: “Your wives are a tillage to you, so go in to your tillage as you will, and send (ahead something) for your souls; and fear Allah and know that you will meet Him, and give glad tidings to the Believers. “ (2:223) This verse was sent down because the Jews had said intercourse with a woman in certain positions was bad. The Ansar (of Madinah) being their friends, followed their practice and used to say, 'If a man has intercourse with his wife through the vagina while he is on her back, the child will be cross eyed. So thus Allah sent down this verse proving them wrong and saying a man can approach his wife in any position

Allah only forbids a man and wife intercourse in the anus and while on a woman's menses The Prophet said, "Do not approach women from the anus." (Reported by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi.) Again, he referred to such an act as "minor sodomy." (Reported by Ahmad and al-Nisai.) A woman of the Ansar asked him concerning vaginal intercourse from the back; he then recited to her, 'Your wives are a filth to you, so go in to your tilth as you will,' but avoid the anus. 'Umar came to him one day saying, "O Messenger of Allah, I am ruined!" "What has ruined you?" asked the Prophet. He replied, "Last night I turned my wife over," meaning that he had had vaginal intercourse with her from the back. The Prophet did not say anything to him until the verse cited above was revealed. Then he told him, "From the front or the back, but avoid the anus and intercourse during menstruation." (Reported by Ahmad and al-Tirmidhi.)

Also Islam forbids revealing the secrets of your mate to others The Prophet said: Among those who will occupy the worst position in the sight of Allah on the Day of Resurrection is the man who has intercourse with his wife and she with him, and then he spreads her secret. ( Ahmad) Abu Hurairah narrated, The Prophet led us in prayer, and when he had finished he turned toward us and said, 'Remain seated. Is there among you the man who comes to his wife, closes the door, and draws the curtain, and then goes out and speaks about it, saying, "I did this and I did that with my wife?" They remained silent. Then he turned toward the women and asked, 'Is there among you one who tells about such things?' A girl raised herself on her knees so that the Messenger of Allah could see her and listen to what she said. She said, 'Yes, by Allah, the men talk about it and the women do, too.' Then the Prophet said, 'Do you know what those who do this are like? The ones who do this are like a male and female devil who meet each other in the road and satisfy their desire while the people look on.

So thus the unlawful in regards to relations between husband and wife are few: No Intercourse during Menses No intercourse in the Anus Do not tell others what goes on between you and your spouse intimately Anything else is lawful because as the Prophet has told us, Whatever Allah remains silent upon is lawful and we need to learn to accept the concessions of Allah